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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Wants to split but everything stay the same

152 replies

SeparatelyTogether · 16/03/2025 14:12

Together 12 years, married 6, 1 DD aged 8.

He’s seemed off the last few days so I asked this morning if we could talk and he admitted he’s not felt right in himself for the last year and doesn’t see us working going forward. Still loves me and DD and wants to carry on living life as it is now, sharing a home, all plans together, sharing finances, being at all of DDs events together etc, but just not actually be together or intimate.

I'm so broken, it has genuinely came out of the blue for me, beyond the usually bickers of a long term relationship I genuinely thought we were happy and a great couple and this was the furthest thing from my mind.

I want to stay as is for the sake of DD but also as practically I can’t even begin to think about how we separate on every other level, and I’ll never beg to stay together however I’m so broken and don’t know what to do.

I don’t want to talk about it to anyone in real life because how do I explain we’re breaking up but staying as we are right now, I don’t understand it so how will anyone else.

I just can’t imagine my future without him being my husband, I still love, fancy, adore him and he’s my best friend I just feel so lonely and unloved.

Has anyone ever been in this situation and it worked, you’ve been able to live harmoniously with the man you love but not together?

OP posts:
Ponymum1 · 02/06/2025 14:28

SeparatelyTogether · 19/03/2025 23:16

Hi all, sorry for posting and then disappearing, we had a good chat later that day and decided we would try to make it work

I spent the next few days being a shell
of a person crying constantly to myself (to embarrassed to tell others) and picking apart everything about myself to find what the problem was, to then putting on an act when he was home so I didn’t scare him off.

im ashamed to say I snooped but I just needed answers so tonight I snooped and each and every one of you are correct, he cheated when away with his old university fiends last week.

as much as you all said it, I just couldn’t comprehend it happening! So right now he’s currently fast asleep next to me and I’m trying to understand what now, I want him to admit it to me without me admitting it snooped, I want no part to play in coming across bad in any of this and I want him to have to look me in the face and tell me and not me tell him

Darling. I’m going through very similar situation with my partner. We were about to build extension on our house and this bastard still want to go ahead! I told he needs to pack and leave or we will work through it. Will let you know x

OchreRaven · 03/06/2025 17:50

@SeparatelyTogether how are you getting on? Have you moved forward with divorce or are you trying to work it out?

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