Dating new guy - surprise pregnancy

[Gnomie93]

I've recently started seeing this guy and he’s wonderful, and we both like each other very much but it still early days.

This morning he calls me, he’s very upset, and tells me that he has just found out a previous one night stand he had prior to us dating is now pregnant. He makes it clear he doesn't want to lose me but also understands if I make a run for it.

He doesn't know if the woman will keep the baby, she’s in her very early twenties and from what I gather they don't have any feelings for each other. What makes it worse - it is his housemate. (She is now moving out)

Im stuck on whether I should continue dating him? I know that this situation is so messy and I feel bad for them both and I don't want to sway any decision that is made but I do like him and that's very hard to find now days.

The housemate and her age and whether it's a one night stand are all irrelevant. He could be the nicest man in the world and it still won't be in your interests to have a partner who is having a child with someone else.

Would be a big fat no from me. My cousin met a man, a couple of weeks into their relationship it transpired that he had a six week old baby. She stayed with him despite our entire family urging her to run for the hills, she got pregnant and he left her.

It's his baby as much as hers. She doesn't get to decide who he discusses things that impact his life on significantly.

If she does choose to get an abortion will be a horrific time for her physically and emotionally. However, that doesn't mean it's not a massive emotional deal for him. Do men not deserve to discuss their feelings & emotions? Do they not deserve support?

Yep

Why would you want to support someone who had unprotected sex with a vulnerable housemate/ live in girlfriend?

You seem to be avoiding the questions asking how old he is compared to the 22yo he got pregnant OP? This makes me think he is notably older. Which makes it even worse imo.

Yeah I would run a mile.

Don't settle for this man. He is not worth it.

I don’t believe a word he says. Bet you he has told her to leave.

No I wouldn’t believe his version sounds like he is probably sleeping with both of you. I would walk away.

How old is he?

I would really think long and hard about how you would cope in a blended family set up. Loads of women seem to sleepwalk into them and end up really resenting the kids from previous relationships.

Then why didn't they both go get the morning after pill? Take additional protection. Either way this isn't a "surprise".

Whatever you decide he needs to get tested.

Why won’t you tell us how old you are? If he’s a 30+ year old man who’s got someone in her very early 20s pregnant I would run a mile. If you’re all in your early 20s I would maybe think about it differently. It is good he’s being honest though I suppose.

Run, don’t walk. Or the next 30plus or forever years you are paying for and playing second fiddle to two other people.

Run, run for the hills.

How old is he?

To be fair if I was in my "very early 20's" & had been having unprotected sex with a man who had "no feelings for me" I'd be moving out as well...

So I don't find it that suspicious but I agree with others. Tell him to contact you once he's got maintenance/contacted sorted so you can decide wether to pursue it

Yes I would end it

I would run for the hills from this! >>>>>>>>>> 🏃

Step aside let them figure it out. Let her figure out what she wants. if he’s single in a year… maybe revisit but not now.

@Iwanttoliveonamountain
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Why would you want to support someone who had unprotected sex with a vulnerable housemate/ live in girlfriend?*

On what basis have you concluded she's vulnerable? I'm not saying she's not but we don't know from what OP has said.

She has also had unprotected sex with a housemate / live in boyfriend and for all we know he could be vulnerable.

The only point I was making my is that, in general, both parties impacted by a potential abortion deserve support. You were saying he had no right to discuss it as it was her business - my point is that men deserve to talk about their emotions and feelings as much as females. At this stage they are both potential parents so you've got no right to say it's only the girls business to share

This. ^ Very few pregnancies are 'accidental.'

So messy and not something I would want to be involved in

Also not sure why he’s being called a waste of space over a once night stand people have them all the time so that’s a bit dramatic. He’s definitely messed up getting her pregnant though 😬

If he told his best friend or parent then possibly, but someone he has just started dating isn’t quite the same and isn’t the obvious choice if you want support because you got another woman pregnant.

@Neemie you specifically said you'd be pissed off if he told anyone. Would you expect her not to tell anyone?