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Original poster

Dating new guy - surprise pregnancy

177 replies

Gnomie93 · 12/03/2025 11:45

I've recently started seeing this guy and he’s wonderful, and we both like each other very much but it still early days.

This morning he calls me, he’s very upset, and tells me that he has just found out a previous one night stand he had prior to us dating is now pregnant. He makes it clear he doesn't want to lose me but also understands if I make a run for it.

He doesn't know if the woman will keep the baby, she’s in her very early twenties and from what I gather they don't have any feelings for each other. What makes it worse - it is his housemate. (She is now moving out)

Im stuck on whether I should continue dating him? I know that this situation is so messy and I feel bad for them both and I don't want to sway any decision that is made but I do like him and that's very hard to find now days.

OP posts:
Feathers72829292 · 12/03/2025 14:11

I had something similar (sort of) happen to me a few years back.

I was early dating someone who I really liked and he told me one evening that someone he’d slept with just before we met had contacted him claiming she was pregnant. Obviously I was gutted, but just told him that it sounded messy and wasn’t something I wanted to be involved in, wished him luck and said if the situation sorted itself out in the future he was welcome to reach out and that’s exactly what he did.

Original poster
Gnomie93 · 12/03/2025 14:13

You know you always hear of guys that stick with women who have gotten pregnant to a prior fling and they get alot of praise - so I am in that delusional mindset that maybe it would work.

But everyone is right, emotions are high and I would add no benefit to the situation, particularly for her or myself.

I do believe him when he said it was a ONS, because I have met her and been over a few times. I think they are both irresponsible idiots, but I know he wouldn't be a deadbeat dad and would be there for her so makes sense to give him opportunity to give 100%

OP posts:
Feathers72829292 · 12/03/2025 14:14

Also following on from the above, my question to myself at the time was “if it was me telling him I’d just found out I was pregnant with another man’s baby, would he want to continue seeing me?” The answer I came to was a resounding no which helped aid my decision in walking away.

outerspacepotato · 12/03/2025 14:15

I think you're smart to end it here.

At the least, he takes risks with sexual health and pregnancy and is sexually opportunistic. Just knowing that about him would be really off-putting. I don't know his age but if you think 22 is extremely young, then he's old enough to know how to protect himself and his sex partners.

HomeBodyClub · 12/03/2025 14:16

I would bow out now.

I’ve read of similar stories happening on here a few times and it’s sucked every time.

Rockschooldropout · 12/03/2025 14:19

How long have you been dating him OP ?
are you sure this ONS happened prior to you and him?
Aside from that what a catch he is , having a ONS with his house mate and then bringing his new girlfriend round .. uggh all sounds very messy ..
run for the hills OP

Pushandpull25 · 12/03/2025 14:19

@Gnomie93 100% walk away. You can’t have been seeing him long at all, and it’s not that long ago he slept with his housemate. Not sure how old he is but sounds like he’s possibly taken advantage of his living situation, and slept with his 22 year old housemate unprotected! This will be an absolute mess if she keeps the baby and you stay with him as he will be trying to navigate this situation now, the housemate may have feelings for him and given that they’ve been living together and slept together she probably has! When the baby comes as well he might decide he wants to make a go of it as a proper family. When the baby comes he will have a connection with her that he doesn’t have with you. If you continue with him that’s your choice but don’t convince yourself he’s a great guy as he really doesn’t sound all that great! There will be other great guys out there who haven’t got their 22 year old housemate pregnant.

Christwosheds · 12/03/2025 14:21

Gnomie93 · 12/03/2025 14:13

You know you always hear of guys that stick with women who have gotten pregnant to a prior fling and they get alot of praise - so I am in that delusional mindset that maybe it would work.

But everyone is right, emotions are high and I would add no benefit to the situation, particularly for her or myself.

I do believe him when he said it was a ONS, because I have met her and been over a few times. I think they are both irresponsible idiots, but I know he wouldn't be a deadbeat dad and would be there for her so makes sense to give him opportunity to give 100%

OP Maybe , as you really like him, you should give him a bit of space now to see what his flatmate chooses to do . If she wants to continue with the pregnancy then that changes things and you can think about whether you really want to date a man with a baby, if she decides not to go ahead then you may want to keep seeing him. Seems sensible to see how things go.

SanctusInDistress · 12/03/2025 14:21

Is he called Ross, is she called Rachel, and are you called Mona?

just asking for a friend.

Original poster
Gnomie93 · 12/03/2025 14:22

SanctusInDistress · 12/03/2025 14:21

Is he called Ross, is she called Rachel, and are you called Mona?

just asking for a friend.

That was my first thought when he told me 😂 how depressing!

OP posts:
DaisyBD · 12/03/2025 14:22

i've been the 22-year-old chum in your situation, i ended up deciding to keep the baby, why not, might be a laugh (what an idiot i was). my baby is now 33 and it all worked out ok in the end and i'm friends with the drunken ONS dad, we are both happily married to other people, but i would still advise her to have a termination and you to walk away

HomeBodyClub · 12/03/2025 14:23

I’m glad to see you’re going to end it. What a mess to kick start a relationship.

I would instantly lose interest but if she’s only found out you can’t have been dating very long anyway. Something about him having sex with his housemate gives me the ick too because it will be more involved than a one night stand.

Rewis · 12/03/2025 14:24

If she's continuing with the pregnancy, I'd be out. I have no desire to be involved in any co-parenting situation in general. Let alone one that is not established. And quite frankly he should be involved with anyone while they're figuring this Out. He should propbaly offer to move in/keep living with her to help her out physically and financially in the beginning. Then figuring everything out? Nope.

If shes terminating. Then id like to know if it a one night stand with the roommate or an actual fling? Was there overlap? I'm assuming based on your screen name he is in his 30's? I'd be cautious but depending on his honesty I might continue the relationship.

Nervousforscan · 12/03/2025 14:27

You don't have a one night stand with a housemate.

They may have only had sex once - maybe - but a one night stand would be a no strings, one-off, no feelings type event, and I don't see how that can happen with someone you live with and it truly be meaningless.

I've lived with a male housemate before, just the two of us (nothing ever happened) and had we ever had sex it would have changed the dynamic considerably.

I would run for the hills - this will be messy.

MissDoubleU · 12/03/2025 14:30

He was quick to announce that she is moving out, wasn’t he? I mean, what sense does that make? If it was just a ONS fling, no worries about feelings, and she isn’t even sure if she is continuing the pregnancy.. pretty rash decision to suddenly make herself homeless over it all..? Doesn’t benefit her much. If she did decide to keep the baby, would make more sense for her to stay where the father can be readily available. Either way, I would be dubious of her apparent departure before any decision was even made. It’s the right thing to tell you, of course…

Whole thing is far too messy. You’re doing the right thing ending it and letting them figure it out.

SunDash · 12/03/2025 14:31

Sounds like a boundary tester...if you continue with him you're saying you're doormat material: "just how desperate is she? "
Do the right thing and wave goodbye.

Jeezitneverends · 12/03/2025 14:31

A friend if mine was involved in a similar situation where her husband was unfaithful and the woman got pregnant.

They tried to move on from it together, the baby was born, they stayed together, having contact with the child, and it was an absolute shitshow as could have been predicted.

The curveball when they split up permanently is that my friend is still in the child’s life as a bonus auntie kind of figure, is friendly with the mum, and the bloke has disappeared

CreationNat1on · 12/03/2025 14:34

If they keep the baby, then their families will get involved. All v v messy.

He is either an idiot or a sleasebag or both.

Beeloux · 12/03/2025 14:39

So yeah came inside a one night stand? Yeah, no. I call bullshit.

Pretty sure ds2 dad probably lies and says he was conceived via a one night stand to make himself not look as much of a deadbeat.

He also tried to come scuttling back from OW after ds was born. I would save yourself the headache. Most likely he is lying that he only had a one night stand with her.

GlomOfNit · 12/03/2025 14:44

What sort of contraception have YOU been using, OP? Do consider going and getting yourself tested for STIs as he clearly has recently had casual sex without adequate contraception.

DurinsBane · 12/03/2025 14:46

DivorcedMumOfAdults · 12/03/2025 13:46

Ok so it’s possible he had a drunken one night stand with his housemate but I think most of us think it’s more likely his live in girlfriend is pregnant.
If you want give him the benefit of the doubt and suggest you go round and meet them both - odds are this will never happen.
Condoms aren’t perfect but bear in mind you don’t know how many people he is having unprotected sex with.

Op has already said she has been round and met her

laura1085 · 12/03/2025 14:48

Beeloux · 12/03/2025 14:39

So yeah came inside a one night stand? Yeah, no. I call bullshit.

Pretty sure ds2 dad probably lies and says he was conceived via a one night stand to make himself not look as much of a deadbeat.

He also tried to come scuttling back from OW after ds was born. I would save yourself the headache. Most likely he is lying that he only had a one night stand with her.

Yea my child's dad also lies to people and says the same, that it was just a fling/ONS resulting in a baby. It's just to make them look like the victim, to make people feel sorry for them. We were in a relationship.

I would imagine as others have said, something has been going on between these "housemates", doubt it was a one off at the very least.

Pyjamatimenow · 12/03/2025 14:50

There’s some hills there waiting for you

LBFseBrom · 12/03/2025 14:52

Put the relationship on hold until you know what is happening, op, and do a bit of discreet digging if you can. Find out as much about him as you can.

Tell him to come back when decisions have been made and his flatmate has moved out.

In the meantime, be free and enjoy yourself.

I would be wary of getting with someone who had a child, that is baggage you can do without.

MrsBreadPitt · 12/03/2025 14:53

Maybe call it off now but if she decides not to keep it, you could keep the door open?