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Original poster

Dating new guy - surprise pregnancy

177 replies

Gnomie93 · 12/03/2025 11:45

I've recently started seeing this guy and he’s wonderful, and we both like each other very much but it still early days.

This morning he calls me, he’s very upset, and tells me that he has just found out a previous one night stand he had prior to us dating is now pregnant. He makes it clear he doesn't want to lose me but also understands if I make a run for it.

He doesn't know if the woman will keep the baby, she’s in her very early twenties and from what I gather they don't have any feelings for each other. What makes it worse - it is his housemate. (She is now moving out)

Im stuck on whether I should continue dating him? I know that this situation is so messy and I feel bad for them both and I don't want to sway any decision that is made but I do like him and that's very hard to find now days.

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 12/03/2025 13:16

You should have nothing to do with a condom refuser, you don't know who else he's been having sex with without protection.

Dweetfidilove · 12/03/2025 13:18

Isn't dating meant to weed out bullshit like this?
Why would you want to continue?

Original poster
Gnomie93 · 12/03/2025 13:19

LemonNLimes · 12/03/2025 13:08

you’d have to be desperate to get involved with this

Well I appreciate all the advice, and I really do, some of this is just unnecessary and mean?

I don't think this situation comes around very often and I am allowed to be shocked and seek opinions from all sides.

I am actively being kind to everyone involved as it seems like a accident that happened before me and I am completely aware of how stupid they both were. I am very much leaning towards ending things as I know that for me, I wouldn't want him to be a deadbeat dad and I don’t think I'm ready to not be a priority in his life so early on.

OP posts:
laura1085 · 12/03/2025 13:22

I don't think this situation comes around very often and I am allowed to be shocked and seek opinions from all sides.

You are very naive to think that, there was one on here a few days ago very similar.

Usually the man is lying about the nature of the relationship, it was more than a one off.

At the very least they are showing how irresponsible they are to not use protection.

viques · 12/03/2025 13:28

Oh, the old one night stand with the housemate story…….. 😢

Walk don’t run, keep some dignity. Let them sort this mess out between them, it is nothing to do with you and your presence will only complicate things.

Molstraat · 12/03/2025 13:32

Honestly OP, its a mess, why would you want to be involved with it.

Step away and vslue yourself.
Tell him to come bavk if it resolves itself.

But if she keeps it, let him off.

It does happen. It happened my friend years ago.
She terminated as it really was a drunken one night stand with a friend.

Very silly to chance it without protection.

MrsToddsShortcut · 12/03/2025 13:35

I think the thing is this; you say he's wonderful and you clearly like him, but at your age, there are lots of wonderful available men out there, who won't have either a newborn baby or a recently pregnant flatmate in their life and all the complication that will bring.

I feel sorry for the housemate- whatever she decides to do - my guess would be that one of them must have been interested in the other for them to end up in bed. If it was her, then she must be feeling all over the place at the moment.

None of this makes him a terrible person, just a careless one. But I don't think this is what you signed up for, and there will be some lovely man out there who can give you the relationship and the life you deserve without any of the complication and drama

theprincessthepea · 12/03/2025 13:41

I would end it. It’s so early that you do not have feelings for him.

Id actually tell him that right now his priority is to sort out this situation. If you guys want to date in the future, the. You can maintain a level of friendship and see. But I would just leave, not contact him for a few months and hopefully find someone else.

Original poster
Gnomie93 · 12/03/2025 13:42

I guess I have just had terrible dating experiences these last 5 years so I've put this one on a pedestal.

I do sympathise alot with her, she's only 22 and has her whole life ahead of her.

I will end things, thank you everyone

OP posts:
DivorcedMumOfAdults · 12/03/2025 13:46

Ok so it’s possible he had a drunken one night stand with his housemate but I think most of us think it’s more likely his live in girlfriend is pregnant.
If you want give him the benefit of the doubt and suggest you go round and meet them both - odds are this will never happen.
Condoms aren’t perfect but bear in mind you don’t know how many people he is having unprotected sex with.

TomatoSandwiches · 12/03/2025 13:48

How old is he?

SayWhat25 · 12/03/2025 13:50

How long ago was this ‘fling’ they had?

LlynTegid · 12/03/2025 13:51

TwistedWonder · 12/03/2025 12:31

I’d be wary of someone having unprotected one night stands tbh

Edited

I agree. Right decision to end the relationship now. There is no harm in being single.

Original poster
Gnomie93 · 12/03/2025 13:51

SayWhat25 · 12/03/2025 13:50

How long ago was this ‘fling’ they had?

A couple weeks before we met

OP posts:
ginasevern · 12/03/2025 13:51

I'm glad you've made the decision to end it OP. Assuming he's the same age or a bit older than you, getting a girl in her early 20's pregnant isn't a good look. I suspect they were sleeping together for quite a while seeing as she was living in the same house and I think it's pretty shitty of him to say he has no feelings for her. Typical bloke talk really. As someone a lot older than you, I really think you can do better.

Huckyfell · 12/03/2025 13:52

Gnomie93 · 12/03/2025 13:42

I guess I have just had terrible dating experiences these last 5 years so I've put this one on a pedestal.

I do sympathise alot with her, she's only 22 and has her whole life ahead of her.

I will end things, thank you everyone

If i were you i would go quiet for 2 months and see what transpires. If he was telling the truth and it was a one night stand with a housemate then he will be single, if she is still around then you know where you stand.

TwistedWonder · 12/03/2025 13:53

Honestly OP I think it’s unlikely to be a ONS. They’ve probably been convenient FWB while both single which is fine they’re consenting adults but it’s a situation best to steer clear of with a child now involved

Viviennemary · 12/03/2025 13:55

Don't get involved in this complete mess up. Don't know if I'd believe the housemate scenario.

Crazybaby123 · 12/03/2025 13:56

If you continue the relationship, the baby and one night stand lady will be in your life forever or until you break up. You will go on the parenting journey with him, become a part of the childs life and you will have to accept the relationship is not just the two of you. Unless he is a complete arse who doesnt want anything to do with his child. In which case why would you want to be with someone with such low moral values.
Carefully consider if you want this to be the case.

janewayxchakotay · 12/03/2025 13:59

I would run from this messy situation

Tillow4ever · 12/03/2025 14:00

How long have you two been together? How old is he? Joe maybe's pregnant is she? You said they hooked up a few weeks before you got together - so you've been together anything from 2 - 6 weeks maybe, if it's an early pregnancy reveal.

Far too early to be this messy!

SayWhat25 · 12/03/2025 14:01

Yes I was going to ask if it was a one-off thing or were/are they in a relationship?

Digdongdoo · 12/03/2025 14:04

Run a mile. "One night stand" with his 22 year old "housemate". Yeah right.

Daisyvodka · 12/03/2025 14:10

How old is he and how did this happen, because if he wasn't wearing a condom then did he get tested? Why didn't she get the morning after pill? I'm asking this because if she couldn't get the morning after pill for medical reasons, then he really should have been upfront with you that he was waiting on a (hopefully) negative pregnancy test to appear. Had he told you he slept with his housemate or was this the first you'd heard of it...

Iamnotalemming · 12/03/2025 14:11

I've been you, although it was an exGF not a flatmate. Even though she decided to end the pg, I walked away and never regretted it.
Take care of yourself Flowers

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