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Original poster

Dating new guy - surprise pregnancy

177 replies

Gnomie93 · 12/03/2025 11:45

I've recently started seeing this guy and he’s wonderful, and we both like each other very much but it still early days.

This morning he calls me, he’s very upset, and tells me that he has just found out a previous one night stand he had prior to us dating is now pregnant. He makes it clear he doesn't want to lose me but also understands if I make a run for it.

He doesn't know if the woman will keep the baby, she’s in her very early twenties and from what I gather they don't have any feelings for each other. What makes it worse - it is his housemate. (She is now moving out)

Im stuck on whether I should continue dating him? I know that this situation is so messy and I feel bad for them both and I don't want to sway any decision that is made but I do like him and that's very hard to find now days.

OP posts:
MissDoubleU · 12/03/2025 14:54

DurinsBane · 12/03/2025 14:46

Op has already said she has been round and met her

Show quote history

And she was “very quiet” - I bloody wonder why.

Milosc · 12/03/2025 14:54

She is his housemate, so not really a one night stand. I have lived with other men as housemates. We never had sex because you just don't do that with a housemate unless there is something more. Something led up to it and that would make me run a mile.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 12/03/2025 14:55

Gnomie93 · 12/03/2025 11:45

I've recently started seeing this guy and he’s wonderful, and we both like each other very much but it still early days.

This morning he calls me, he’s very upset, and tells me that he has just found out a previous one night stand he had prior to us dating is now pregnant. He makes it clear he doesn't want to lose me but also understands if I make a run for it.

He doesn't know if the woman will keep the baby, she’s in her very early twenties and from what I gather they don't have any feelings for each other. What makes it worse - it is his housemate. (She is now moving out)

Im stuck on whether I should continue dating him? I know that this situation is so messy and I feel bad for them both and I don't want to sway any decision that is made but I do like him and that's very hard to find now days.

Run.

BansheeOfTheSouth · 12/03/2025 15:00

Gnomie93 · 12/03/2025 13:04

Hi, yeah I have - she’s always been very quiet

Show quote history

She was sleeping with him. Unprotected. Are you really that naive? His disregard for women should have you running and being thankful of a lucky escape that you're not also pregnant or have an STI. Go get tested though.

Rosybud88 · 12/03/2025 15:02

Absolutely walk away - why would you stay around to watch that situation unravel?!

Key things for me - how are you going to feel when he can’t see you because he’s in the delivery room? If he has to dash to help her at night? How he could be too tired to function because of the baby? And so on and so forth.

It’s not your problem, so don’t make it your problem.

JHound · 12/03/2025 15:09

If she keeps the baby I would Forrest Gump out of there.

Also “Housemate”…”ONS”…..

Hmm.

Waitingbydoor · 12/03/2025 15:12

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Waitingbydoor · 12/03/2025 15:13

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tallhotpinkflamingo · 12/03/2025 15:16

I'd be wary since it doesn't sound like you know all the details.

I had a friend who was the guy in this situation and she invented a pregnancy to try to get him interested in her again when she found out he had started seeing someone else after her. Sure he says there's no mutual feelings but may not actually be the case.

If he knows she's definitely pregnant and she keeps it, which it sounds like she probably is if she's planning to move out, they will probably try to give things a go at one point or another which will be way more messy for you when you're invested in him more further down the line.

Also agree this doesn't sound like housemate behaviour.

I'd want to know more about why she's moving out. Hopefully it's embarrassment rather than anything sinister, but I'd want to know the details and probably from her or a third party (if there are other housemates) rather than him.

tallhotpinkflamingo · 12/03/2025 15:17

BansheeOfTheSouth · 12/03/2025 15:00

She was sleeping with him. Unprotected. Are you really that naive? His disregard for women should have you running and being thankful of a lucky escape that you're not also pregnant or have an STI. Go get tested though.

Show quote history

You don't know if a condom failed, it might not have been intentionally unprotected.

VaddaABeetch · 12/03/2025 15:21

How long are you seeing him?

Can’t be long if housemate has just discovered she’s pregnant?

4 weeks? Is all the angst worth it for a few weeks

Lavenderflower · 12/03/2025 15:25

I would run a mile - it weird he you around her knowing he slept with her.

PleaseStopEatingMyStuff · 12/03/2025 15:27

Oh dear. I'm pleased you're walking OP. I get that you like him, but it all just seems odd.
I'd imagine if you call around in a year they'll probably be a family unit.
Hopefully by then you'll be onto much better things.

IWillAlwaysBeinaClubWithYouin1973 · 12/03/2025 15:27

So, is this a shared house with loads of early 20s people in it, and he is that age too? Then yeah, shit happens, you walk away and they sort it out between them.

But you haven't said how old this guy is. So I'm now thinking he's MUCH older. How come he has a 22 year old house mate that he accidentally shagged? My DDs are 21 and 23 and if this was one of them, I'd be very worried for them.

Hollietree · 12/03/2025 15:30

I wouldn’t view a man who has recently had a ONS with a 22 year old flatmate (that he has no feelings towards) as great boyfriend material.

How old is he? If he is 30+ then that would make me run away from him even faster!

And get yourself an STI test.

MichaelandKirk · 12/03/2025 15:30

Run as fast as you can and dont look back!

If you end up being serious about him you could find yourself funding this 'one night stand'. He hopefully will pay his way and have less money. You will then be expected to pay more for everything because of this.

Who needs this crap in their lives

daybydae · 12/03/2025 15:33

Unpopular opinion - no one and no situation is perfect. It's actually very hard to find someone. Ask him important questions, assess the situation to make sure he isn't a creep AND definately slow down with him. You have the sense to admit it's hard to find someone you like. This is only as dramatic and "weird" as you make it. It actually happens all the time. See how you feel in a couple of months.

NameChanges123 · 12/03/2025 15:34

DurinsBane · 12/03/2025 12:10

At least he is being honest, that is a good sign

Don't count on this being honesty!

Movinghouseatlast · 12/03/2025 15:35

He had a one night stand with his housemate?! I mean, that was never going to be a good idea was it?

Neemie · 12/03/2025 15:38

I’m slightly surprised he told you before she has decided what to do about it. If I was her I would be pretty pissed off that he told anyone about it, especially someone he recently started dating.

Ellie1015 · 12/03/2025 15:40

It is not ideal, but promising that he told you rather than hoping she has an abortion or waiting until much nearer birth.

I would keep seeing him and see how it goes, it likely will get messy, but maybe not. They might co parent well and all work out.

I would be taking it very slowly and if moving in or starting a family is a priority for you I would split now as I wouldn't want to take any serious steps for a while after baby arrives and see how that dynamic works. ETA if only recently started dating I wouldn't be considering moving in or anything serious for a while anyway.

Mellivora · 12/03/2025 15:40

I lived in a house of twenty somethings many years ago. I can see this scenario happening.

People have accidental pregnancies, could be condom failure or another contraception failure though barrier methods for casual sex should always be used in addition.

I would step away for sure and see how it pans out first.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 12/03/2025 15:41

FortyElephants · 12/03/2025 11:47

If she keeps the pregnancy then I would run a mile. Tell him to contact you when the baby is 6 months old and he has a decent contact and maintenance schedule in place. If he's a good one, he will. If he's a dickhead he will either screw up contact and/or install a new girlfriend in place and he will be no loss to you.

This is good advice

JustMyView13 · 12/03/2025 15:43

FortyElephants · 12/03/2025 11:47

If she keeps the pregnancy then I would run a mile. Tell him to contact you when the baby is 6 months old and he has a decent contact and maintenance schedule in place. If he's a good one, he will. If he's a dickhead he will either screw up contact and/or install a new girlfriend in place and he will be no loss to you.

^ This, imho, is solid advice.

plsd · 12/03/2025 15:44

If you are even considering it, I would want to here her side.

There are a lot of coincidences here for it to have been a one time thing with no feelings involved. And now on top of it all, he's making the mother of his unborn child homeless? Or is it her choice to leave?