Feeling a bit hurt to be left out of bridal party/hen

[Bounty9]

I have been with DH for 12 years, married for 4. SIL and I have always got along well, had nights out together, afternoon teas, spa days. Admittedly not best of friends, but always friends. She was one of my bridesmaids along with 2 of my closest friends and my sister. We both have children now who have play dates and we babysit her kids. I planned her baby showers and am friendly with her friends, including her maid of honour.

She’s getting married soon, DD (3) is her flower girl. Fair enough, I’m not a bridesmaid. I get it, it’s expensive, but I haven’t been invited to her hen either - which lots of people are going to, it’s a bottomless brunch and a night out which we used to do a lot pre-kids.

I am feeling a bit hurt by it. I’m going to keep quiet and just let it go obviously but DH doesn’t get it. I just wanted to voice it because I feel meh. I’m being sensitive aren’t I 😂

No you're not. I'd be hurt too

No I would wonder why and presume she didn't like me that much, why do you think she would leave you out?

No, I’d be hurt as well. What a shame.

I would also be so hurt. Bridal parties are tricky but the hen party? She is kind of obligated to invite you.

I’d be upset too

Definitely Definitely not invited? Is she doing the invites?

Not inviting you is very wrong.

Oh I would be really put out and hurt, have you had a falling out that you don't know about ? Has she been iffy with you about anything maybe the flowegirl arrangements, I'm really petty I'd mention it to her ?

I would be hurt too. Upsetting. At least you know where you stand!

@Ohshutupdavidyoutwat I honestly have no idea. I think I would’ve understood a bit more if she had text and said ‘ah sorry.. we had a limit on numbers’ etc but she’s invited work people and she’s been on mat leave for the last 9 months.

@CaptainFuture I asked MIL if there was a hen and she just kind of awkwardly said ‘ahh yes she’s chosen to do XYZ’ and then changed the subject.

Now I’m thinking I’ve offended her 😂 but she’s been texting me about other things so I don’t think I have!

Are you sure she didn't forget ? Or maybe her bridesmaid forgot , the bride to be might be mortified you are not invited.

Maybe I should just bite the bullet and message her 😳 but god that will be awkward if she just doesn’t want me there.

Bridal party, might feel a bit hurt, but her choice. Leaving you out of the hen is a different thing and very hurtful. I hope the babysitting is mutual otherwise I wouldn't be doing that anymore. Favours are for friends and she's saying she isn't yours.

That's awful OP. If this was my sil, I'd be hurt too. I'd pull back on babysitting or other favours if deliberate as I wouldn't be used like that. Are you 100% sure it wasn't some weird oversight? Maybe get your DH to find out what's going on (or DB if it's your brother's stb wife, you don't specify which side this is on)

Oh I'd say something just to clear the air you don't have to be snippy about it just to see what's going on,

Has she planned it or has someone else who either doesn't like you or doesn't know you should be invited?

I'd be brazen and just txt her

"Hey, MIL said you're having your hen at XYZ, have you finalised and plans yet? as not heard anything"

I wouldn’t message her! X

I would, it’s awkward either way.

I would say this, then you know where you stand .

Oh that’s hurtful. I’d never mention it again but also probably never go out of my way to do her a favour again either.
Strange given that you’re friendly with her, it’s pretty much a given that sisters in law are invited to a hen do providing you all get on and that it’s a bigger group thing rather than just eg the bride and her 2 oldest friends kind of thing.
Sorry op, I’d be hurt too but I’d never ever ask where my invite was!

Would your DH message her with something like 'hey, Bounty thinks she's not invited to your hen do so I just wanted to check that was right?'

I would be very hurt too.
I am rubbish at confrontation so would probably whimp out and message her MOH to check that your lack of invite is not an oversight.

But good enough to watch her dc? She's one cf...

Ahh sorry @Lyra87 it’s my DH’s sister. I have asked him to mention it as they meet up with the kids in the week. I just don’t think I’d be able to face her again if she just flat out didn’t want me coming.

Watch this space..