Pregnant with a man who doesn't want it but my last chance

[bearus25]

So I recently found out I'm pregnant I'm 39 have one child who is 18..

My boyfriend is 36 and complete opposite to me, he lives free spirited and is a bit of a rogue. He has children two he does not see. We have only been together a year and to be honest I think we are not compatible. He goes awol regularly enjoys going out drinking regular enjoys a coke binge from time to time complete opposite to me. He has his own business and I work for a company. He has quite a narcissistic side and many of my friends have told me to leave him because of his behaviour. I am now 13 weeks pregnant confirmed yesterday. I just don't know what to do I always wanted more children and yearned for it. I just know that our relationship won't work with a child and barely works now. So I will if I go ahead be a single parent and although done it before this is different I'm older have my own mortgage and older child on the verge of fleeing the nest.

So I'm lost confused and not sure what to do where to turn. Do I continue as this is my last chance to be a mum again which is what I always wanted but do it knowing I'll be alone... or do I not and do the thing I won't say and live my life without this and without this man

Sorry complete ramble but I'm an emotional mess and don't know what to do

Well, the law would disagree with you.

What’s the law got to do with this? There’s a lot off shit laws that don’t even bring justice, like I say who are YOU to define who has a right to live and who doesn’t

You're very angry over the opinion of a stranger on the internet.

You're also never going to change my mind so not sure why you're wasting your time and energy being all offended.

If you were my friend OP the advice I would give would be to consider the likelihood of bring up this child alone, how will your 18 yo feel about a sibling etc. whilst I can totally understand the maternal feelings, do you want to go back to sleepless nights, nappies, potty training, endless school runs, this is the reality. Whatever the decision make it yourself, without influence. Wishing you all the very best whatever you decide, good luck.

I have no advice except take into account that the child could take more after the father than after you. If, in terms of personality, you get along with the guy, but just don't share his lifestyle, that may be OK if the personalities are basically compatible.

There is also an increased risk of 'issues' as you are using older eggs now, are you set up to deal with all that may come your way, and to deal with it all on your own?

I continued with an unplanned 2nd pregnancy 30 years ago, the father quickly became abusive, I left the father but the child took after the father. In every way. I love DC2 but it's been 30 years of stress and feeling trapped because it's been pretty awful but they are my DC so I can't leave them like I left their father.

I’m not getting angry atal, you come out with some right bizarre comments, very backward thinking

Then those women need therapy.

Your right! I could never say to my son, I find it difficult to parent u because your like your father

100% terminate. It would be a huge mistake to bring a child into the world with a loser of a father like that.

I think perhaps give up on trying to explain rational thinking, clear explanations, and the law. Some people can only ever understand from their level of perception.

Ah I know, I'm just passing the time

And what about the mother? She’s clearly capable of raising a child herself, she’s done it once before.

Yea and thank god we all do think differently then ey !!

Any support you could have given your 18 year old would be over. It's too big an age gap. My kids hea 9 year age gap and it's too big.

I’m sure there are many well-rounded people in the world with deadbeat fathers, mothers and even both. Life isn’t perfect for anyone, this flippancy about abortion is awful.

I wouldnt have the baby.

Sorry but there are too many unknowns and a lot of risks. If you could afford to do it without working then I would say go for it, but if losing your job means you would lose your home then I woudlnt risk it personally. And thats not taking into account the useless father.

To be honest my first reaction is for your daughter who is only 18 and you’ve got this waster in your life.
Secondly, by keeping the baby you’ll be tethering her and yourself to this man for the rest of you lives.
I don’t think it would be a good idea to have the baby in all honesty.

100% agree.

Again, there's a difference between a father becoming a deadbeat once the child already exists, and knowingly bringing a child into the world knowing their dad is a useless wanker.

I also think it's more awful that people are so flippant about bringing an entire life into the world, regardless of the situation or the consequences.

If you want the baby, have the baby. I have raised one of my children with no involvement from her father and it has been a breeze.

Let’s not rope the 18 year old into this chaos shall we. The mind literally boggles.

Oh well, at least I haven't resorted to personal insults to random strangers online on a Sunday night 😂