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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Found women's stockings in our laundry basket

208 replies

AmyRoger · 03/03/2025 16:28

Hi all, probably a stupid question to ask but I found a pair of women's stockings in our laundry basket at home today. OH is away for work trip and my heart sank. I've sent photo asking what they are and who they belong to and he's not replied . I'm not imagining things right ?

OP posts:
AMurderofMurderingCrows · 03/03/2025 20:03

Delphiniumandlupins · 03/03/2025 17:23

Cherchez a suspender belt

Cherchez le porte-jarretelles

Chunkilumptious · 03/03/2025 20:06

I'd be having a look round gym bag, drawers etc. Accounts etc. Stockings can't be explained away the way a random sock might, you don't need any further proof so don't drive yourself wild over this but if there's anything obvious you'd might as well see it.

BoopTheDog · 03/03/2025 20:16

theboffinsarecoming · 03/03/2025 17:05

@BurglarAndSwag 😂

It took me a minute, but I got there!

And me! 😂

TY78910 · 03/03/2025 20:28

Hmmmmmm
he is either a vvvvv good manipulator (which you would know OP as you live with him)
or he genuinely doesn’t know?

IME when guys get found out they start really over explaining. It’s almost like the story becomes so perfect with all these odd details you know they’re made up.

the fact that he’s just gone ‘don’t know’ and moved on makes me think he thinks they’re yours.
any chance they could be an old pair?

but I second what @Chunkilumptious said - I’d be going through stuff at this point

snoopfroggy · 03/03/2025 20:36

I'm not sure if I believe this is real.

But if it is and he wouldn't fit in then himself it seems unlikely he'd have an affair partners stockings in the basket. Unless obviously she was at your house.

If this is real, prob bought them online or whatever for wank, big market apparently. I'd still find this beyond grim if this is real.

smithey855 · 03/03/2025 20:36

This reminds me of a similar situation but the other way around.

when I was 20 ish, I met my then girlfriend round my mums for dinner. I came straight from work and met her there, and went to my mums bedroom to get changed.

I duly changed and put my work clothes in my rucksack, inadvertently picking up some of my mums clean laundry, a bra and knickers.

when I emptied my bag out when we got home, out popped my mums underwear. GF went ape shit and stormed out of the house: I followed her, clearly upset and just as we were arguing mum messages me ‘ ** have you accidentally picked up some of my underwear? It’s a black bra and knickers’ - never been so relieved to receive a text off my mum!!

not saying this is the case but his nonchalant response to me shows he has nothing to hide and genuinely doesn’t know where they’ve come from and probably thinks they are yours.

i know most mums netters think men are stupid but come on , you’ve got to be monumentally stupid to a) have an affair b) have an affair in the family home and c) not realise they’ve been out in the laundry.

CoastalCalm · 03/03/2025 20:43

He will have used them to masturbate rather than dress in

treesandsun · 03/03/2025 20:45

To the people who think he is too casual to be lying - and if they are not the OPs - where have they come from? I can't think of a reason that is not dodgy for a stray pair of stockings to be in the laundry.

Chunkilumptious · 03/03/2025 20:47

If it's a fetish thing there may be other signs. If it's that he owes you an explanation at least.

Plantmother71 · 03/03/2025 20:52

I have several pairs of stockings. But they now cost about 10-20 a pair so I am v careful with them as they’re not the type of thing I’d like to misplace.

if you think it’s another woman she’s stashed them - maybe stuff them in his bag and he didn’t carefully check before popping his washing out? If not have warned him though. Just put them on his plate one night at dinner and asked if he was missing something. Then clocked his reaction.

I know that’s not much help now - is he secretive with his phone? I agree with PP - I’d be scouring the house whilst he’s away looking for more evidence (I say this as someone whose ex partner cheated and needed to gather evidence - I got friend to follow him and they saw him meet the ow outside a pub and sit there holding hands and kissing).

Sorry you’re in this position - it’s hurtful.

JoyDreamer86 · 03/03/2025 20:56

smithey855 · 03/03/2025 20:36

This reminds me of a similar situation but the other way around.

when I was 20 ish, I met my then girlfriend round my mums for dinner. I came straight from work and met her there, and went to my mums bedroom to get changed.

I duly changed and put my work clothes in my rucksack, inadvertently picking up some of my mums clean laundry, a bra and knickers.

when I emptied my bag out when we got home, out popped my mums underwear. GF went ape shit and stormed out of the house: I followed her, clearly upset and just as we were arguing mum messages me ‘ ** have you accidentally picked up some of my underwear? It’s a black bra and knickers’ - never been so relieved to receive a text off my mum!!

not saying this is the case but his nonchalant response to me shows he has nothing to hide and genuinely doesn’t know where they’ve come from and probably thinks they are yours.

i know most mums netters think men are stupid but come on , you’ve got to be monumentally stupid to a) have an affair b) have an affair in the family home and c) not realise they’ve been out in the laundry.

In relation to this guy being stupid- this guy didnt take much interest in his partner querying a pair of stockings and then changed the subject- would you not need to be a bit dense to not realise the reason why your partner sent the text? That she could be upset, panicking, suspicious etc. So is he dense or deliberately trying to avoid.

smithey855 · 03/03/2025 21:05

JoyDreamer86 · 03/03/2025 20:56

In relation to this guy being stupid- this guy didnt take much interest in his partner querying a pair of stockings and then changed the subject- would you not need to be a bit dense to not realise the reason why your partner sent the text? That she could be upset, panicking, suspicious etc. So is he dense or deliberately trying to avoid.

No, I think his response is normal, as he would be assuming ( if he had nothing to hide ) that they were OP’s. I’d be far more concerned ( if I was a woman) if my DP gave me any kind of excuse or cock and bull story.

as soon as he said anything else, such as, I’ve not had another woman in the house or even asked if they were hers, surely this only raises suspicion?

so, he’s either really stupid, really clever, or totally innocent….

JoyDreamer86 · 03/03/2025 21:12

smithey855 · 03/03/2025 21:05

No, I think his response is normal, as he would be assuming ( if he had nothing to hide ) that they were OP’s. I’d be far more concerned ( if I was a woman) if my DP gave me any kind of excuse or cock and bull story.

as soon as he said anything else, such as, I’ve not had another woman in the house or even asked if they were hers, surely this only raises suspicion?

so, he’s either really stupid, really clever, or totally innocent….

If my boyfriend sent me a photo of another man's boxers in our laundry I'd probably give him a call to reassure him and prevent him over thinking and things potentially getting worse. But you are right when a person is trying to conceal the truth there are various ways to go about it- pretend you arent bothered as an innocent person wouldn't worry, be over explanatory as a guilty person wouldn't want to talk about it etc etc.

Jeeekers · 03/03/2025 21:15

What else was in laundry - anything where they could have got left by someone over holidays? Any clothes loaned, charity shop? Caught in sheets in guest room? Cleaning lady? (Cleaner years ago used to dress like going to office job, strip down to jog bra & fitness shorts to clean & office dress to leave. DP and I interrupted her once it was weird). Used for a DIY job like on the Hoover to protect the blinds, tie something ? Has anyone given you hand me downs? Anyone could have changed clothes in your house ?
just trying to be helpful

Sassybooklover · 03/03/2025 21:18

The OP"s husband would know if his wife wore stockings or not, so therefore would know if they were hers. If she doesn't wear/own a pair of stockings, then it stands to reason, that they can't be hers. The stockings didn't walk by themselves into the laundry basket!! If they're not the OP's, and they're too small for her husband to be a cross-dresser, then either they belong to another woman, or her husband likes to use them to pleasure himself. Could he have a stocking/tights fetish? It's not uncommon. If the OP's husband works away on occasions, then it's possible he had company one night, and accidentally picked the stockings up with his own clothing. Regardless, he has some explaining to do.

TY78910 · 03/03/2025 21:20

treesandsun · 03/03/2025 20:45

To the people who think he is too casual to be lying - and if they are not the OPs - where have they come from? I can't think of a reason that is not dodgy for a stray pair of stockings to be in the laundry.

The only other explanation is that they’re OPs very very old stockings. And somehow they fell out of a drawer etc then got scooped up. So old that she wouldn’t put two and two together immediately. But that is something we’ll have to wait on OP to say if she ever owned those kind of things.

ERthree · 03/03/2025 21:28

AmyRoger · 03/03/2025 18:01

They are definitely female and small size , he couldn't squeeze into them. Our DD is a toddler so not hers . I wfh most days and he doesn't . I was rushing through the laundry basket and put it all in the wash without paying attention. It was when I was putting he clothes out to dry that I noticed them. I've stupidly been feeling sad all day since I found them

What is stupid about feeling sad regarding this find ? Don't dismiss your feelings please, they are valid.

CautiousOptimist · 03/03/2025 21:57

Could they have been accidentally left in the suitcase he packed for his trip, yours from a previous trip and he found them and chucked them in the wash?

healthybychristmas · 03/03/2025 22:16

Do you have a ring doorbell? How often does he work away?

LateLessAbleToBeBothered · 03/03/2025 22:30

Mine was away once when I opened a letter he asked me to, telling me he had another child and had to undergo a DNA test, he changed the subject too.

RedVelvetIcing · 03/03/2025 22:30

The most obvious answer to me would be that they’re from meeting up with another women. It could have even been in his car, he’s found them, put them in his pocket and then completely forgotten about them.

TY78910 · 03/03/2025 22:32

LateLessAbleToBeBothered · 03/03/2025 22:30

Mine was away once when I opened a letter he asked me to, telling me he had another child and had to undergo a DNA test, he changed the subject too.

Oh wow

frumpyfifty · 03/03/2025 22:47

This would be so likely in my house - they would just be old ones - unless you have literally never worn them ever then surely this is most likely.

LoisSanger · 03/03/2025 22:50

This happened to me. Was how I found out about his affair as I hung out the washing and found a pair of stockings.

Notahandmaid · 03/03/2025 22:50

snoopfroggy · 03/03/2025 20:36

I'm not sure if I believe this is real.

But if it is and he wouldn't fit in then himself it seems unlikely he'd have an affair partners stockings in the basket. Unless obviously she was at your house.

If this is real, prob bought them online or whatever for wank, big market apparently. I'd still find this beyond grim if this is real.

Why do you struggle to believe this is real? Strange.

I posted on here a few years ago with a problem and had a couple of people saying it couldn’t possibly be real. It wasn’t that strange and unfortunately it was all too real.

Hope you get to the truth of where the stockings came from, OP. Let us know. Hope there is an innocent explanation.