Please help me unpick this insulting 'compliment'

[KnackeredOldCatLady]

Have been dating a guy for about three months. We are both in our 50s and I am a couple of years older than him. All is (or rather, was) going well. We met via OLD.

The other day, he said these words to me:
'When I first saw you on our first date, I thought you looked old and that put me off. I then spent our date wondering if I could have a relationship with someone who looks so old. However, now that I have got to know you, I actually think that you look young. Younger than me in fact'.

He actually meant this as a compliment and was surprised that I was upset. Very upset.

And BTW, after our first date, he was very keen to snog me and pin me down for an early second date (asked if he could see me the next day).

So WTF????? Is this a LTB offence?

Toss him back patronising bugger.

Is he David Brent??

Indeed throw this one back into the pond. He should now be your ex.

It’d be a NO from me .. bye bye.

What a prick! Get rid.

Look up negging. Sounds like a classic example to me.

3 months of best behaviour then the negging has started to keep you in your place. I'd end it over that.

Bye bye mate

Honestly these middle aged pricks show every time why they’re single.

What a little weirdo!

Literally!!

Seeing as he was all over you at the end of your first date, you know he’s lying.

I don’t appreciate being put down so that would be the end of it for me.

Toss him back. He sounds like a self-important arsehole.

I had one like this, ended it immediately. He knew this wasn’t a compliment - a compliment doesn’t start with an insult!

My current DP has said some questionable things in the name of blunt honesty, but even I don’t see the point of this retroactive insult tbh! Throw him back.

Please please please don't tolerate this shit! You deserve better.

Negging.
insult or undermine (someone) in the belief that diminished self-confidence will make them more receptive to sexual advances.

You are supposed to be grateful that he overlooked your physical attributes.

I will. It really knocked my confidence. He genuinely didn't think that he had said anything amiss and seemed to be surprised when I was upset

I despise negging.
But I think this might just be a man's honest musings? I have thoughts like that. If he's always been kind and polite otherwise I would wait and see. If there are more 'compliments' like this then yes it's negging and you should dump.

If he really thought that was a compliment he is a moron.

The only reason you should see him again is to sit opposite him, guiltily explain you hadn’t worn your glasses when you met him before, while taking a pair from your handbag. Put them on. Look at him. Gag/ dry heave. Then leave.

Oh god. What a hideous thing to say, he knows it as well unless he’s extremely thick. This is perhaps a man who wants to fuck with your head.
Bin him off OP. Tell him you expected much better sex from someone his age and were suprised by how awful he was, or something of a similar vein, when he gets upset act dumb and like you can’t understand why he would be offended.

This makes it even worse imo. He didn’t know an insult would upset you? He didn’t realise saying you looked old was an insult? Honestly, get rid. He sounds like a dinosaur stuck in the old age.

Thanks for this @LittleGreenDragons

I'm certainly not drop dead gorgeous by any stretch of the imagination, but I'm slim, look after my skin and make an effort to dress nicely.

He is overweight, balding and has a couple of health issues which are likely to have been brought on by poor diet/lack of exercise.

Something similar happened to me from an old but it was the first time I had met him. All my photos were recent my dd had taken them herself and set up my profile. I went on a date and was told I look a lot older in real life. I had arranged for my daughter to ring me to check I was OK, I told him after speaking to her I had to go home as there was a problem and I left and met my friends at another pub. Life is too short to listen to a bloke putting me down. I was single from 35 till I met my husband at 44. I just waited till I met someone who was nice to me because for me being nice is a basic requirement.

This
Also that he equates looking young with being better
Gross!

Oh @Dollyparot200 , that's awful. What a rude piece of shit! It was very polite of you to make an excuse and not walk out there and then. I'm so glad that you are now with someone nice.

My profile pictures were very recent and I didn't use filters or any other tricks to make myself look younger. So my appearance certainly shouldn't have come as a shock.

He is overweight, balding and has a couple of health issues which are likely to have been brought on by poor diet/lack of exercise

You can do so much better