Please help me unpick this insulting 'compliment'

[KnackeredOldCatLady]

Have been dating a guy for about three months. We are both in our 50s and I am a couple of years older than him. All is (or rather, was) going well. We met via OLD.

The other day, he said these words to me:
'When I first saw you on our first date, I thought you looked old and that put me off. I then spent our date wondering if I could have a relationship with someone who looks so old. However, now that I have got to know you, I actually think that you look young. Younger than me in fact'.

He actually meant this as a compliment and was surprised that I was upset. Very upset.

And BTW, after our first date, he was very keen to snog me and pin me down for an early second date (asked if he could see me the next day).

So WTF????? Is this a LTB offence?

Now you have had several remarks making you aware of his constant scrutiny of you and your appearance you won't relax. Even if he never mentions anything because he learns it upsets you you will know he's looking and thinking. You'll be fretting he will think you've "let yourself go" and other such nonsense.

oh yes, I can see from your body that you have had a big weight loss

Op ....

He's filterless.

He's "un selfaware".

He's not good in bed.

He has lifestyle related health problems.

@KnackeredOldCatLady You have known this guy for ONLY 12 weeks.

In this very short amount of time he has made you feel meh about yourself, and knocked your confidence. He is showing you who he is. If he is THIS comfortable NOW saying this stuff, fast forward a year or 2 when he thinks he doesn't have to make an effort.

and he is crap in bed... already. see above when he's comfortable... this is the best it will ever get and he sure as hell ain't going to grow any more in the pants department... unless he loses significant amounts of weight of course...

You have the ick. that is a one way street. he needs to go

NEXT!

Sounds like basic insensitivity and low key misogyny rather than anything premeditated. You could just give as good as you get and say "you're no oil painting yourself, mate" and see if he treads a bit more carefully. Does he compliment you or tell you when you're looking good?

(But obviously if he's giving you the ick there's nothing wrong with dumping him.)

@KnackeredOldCatLady He sounds foul.
WHY do women bother dating these substandard men?

Put him in the bin. He's a tosser.

Was wondering if he was just clumsy/thoughtless. But there is no way anyone this comment re weightloss is not intentional.

Is he autistic? It’s exactly the sort of stuff an autistic colleague of mine comes out with.

Personally - i think he is a literal type who lacks social awareness. (Has he ever been in long term relationships? Is this maybe a reason why?)

If this was his only ‘flaw’ - i could probably overlook it and beat this directness out of him - but i do not have confidence problems and can be literal AF myself…

BUT - coupled with being overweight and a small penis - no thank you… Why would you do this to yourself.

I’d also tell him in the language he understands - that you dont think he is suited as a partner as you are loking for someone you can share a life with, and that means someone who takes care of his health (weight). And someone you can share better sex life with. 🤗

*He is overweight, balding and has a couple of health issues which are likely to have been brought on by poor diet/lack of exercise

At best, he is just tactless. The balding is probably hereditary, but overweight and health issues are probably indications that he is expecting a nursemaid for his retirement.
Bin him.

What a cheeky prick. Definitely trying to neg you to put you down.
An ex of mine told me I looked older than him when I was 25 (he was fat, almost 10 years older, balding and a forehead covered in wrinkles). He always used to make rude comments like “you have a nice flat stomach, it’s a shame you have a c section scar”.

Last time I checked, the fat ugly bastard is still as single as ever!

Unfortunately OLD is full of sad old fuckers who think theyre on par with Brad Pitt and yet they resemble Fat Bastard from Austin Powers. They’re usually chasing women either 20 years their junior or the ones their own age who they think they’re doing a favour despite punching way above their weight.

Im an attractive well groomed 50 something who’s given up after too many low effort men who think they’re gods gift or octogenarians looking like Dobby thinking they’re our ideal man and getting abusive at a polite no.

Classic negging. At least he didn’t wait too long to wave his massive red flag at you.

Why on earth have you wasted 3 months of your life having mediocre sex with a fat slob who speaks to you like he’s doing you a favour?

Surely being single is better than dropping your standards?

Hope you told him back - Yeah, probably, but do you know you bold and overweight? Just to see how he will feel when someone pointing out his not so nice parts of the body

He has the emotional intelligence of an amoeba. And he's useless in bed.
If you don't want to ghost him, send one last text before you block him.
Hi this isn't going to work. Sexually I need a lot more and your gut slapping against me is really off putting. I didn't want to insult you by lying about my reason.
And then block on all platforms. As he obviously believes in honesty he should appreciate your blunt answer.

There it is... "bemused", which implies an accountability. Run.

WTF why would he think this is a suitable thing to say? I would say out of the blue. On our first date I thought you were overweight, balding and wondered if your health issues likely to have been brought on by poor diet/lack of exercise meant I didn't know if I could have a relationship with you. I decided to give it a go anyway. Now, I think your insult you claim is a compliment has put me right off and I have decided to set my bar higher - much higher.

I've always wondered why even the most unattractive and mediocre men have the confidence to expect the most beautiful, accomplished women to fall at their feet and to feel that they are in a position to criticise the physical attributes of attractive women that don't meet their extremely unrealistic standards.

I guess he's got the kind of social interaction skills that mean he will voice thoughts without regard to others feelings, draw attention to perceived negatives and a tendency towards superiority (oh yes of course I already knew that). None of these are super unusual for some males. It won't get any better and it seems annoying. I'd think about it from your pov only - that's what he's doing - are you super keen to see him again, to have sex again, to enjoy his company. If so, then see how it goes.

Block and move on!

Sounds like a tw4t!

Does he usually message to say he's missing you?

what he is basically saying is you are not attractive enough to get anybody else but him.
Get rid!

Giant egos.

He is overweight, balding and has a couple of health issues which are likely to have been brought on by poor diet/lack of exercise.

Has he one hell of a personality then?

Sounds as if he has started to put you down to feel better about himself & try & convince you that you can't do better than him.