Should I pay my partner rent?

[isaisa123]

tl;dr: partner owns his property outright and wants me to pay him rent on top of bills etc.

I have recently moved in with my partner of 3 years. He owns his (2 bed) property outright: he bought it with money from a family trust set up for him when he was born. He rents out one bedroom to his friend for £700 / month. We share the other bedroom. He wants me to pay him £350 / month on top of all bills which are split equally three-ways. We also split the cost of any house repairs that need doing.

He says the arrangement will make us both richer -- as I will be paying less than market rent for a similar room.

When we first spoke about finances, before I moved in, he said that the money I saved in rent could be put towards making our lives 'bigger'. When discussing this recently, he said that this was still true, that the money I pay him can go towards his masters course fees for example, and that this will benefit us both long-term.

The amount is small, but I'm not sure how I feel about it in principle. Because he pays no rent or mortgage, I can't see why I should pay him rent. On the other hand I am benefitting hugely - the flat is lovely, we are making a home together, and I am able to save more money than if I were renting on the private market. On the other other hand I am very much sharing his room, and there is not much space in the flat for my things (they are currently in boxes in cupboards / storage)

I also end up doing most of the housework and I worry that if I am giving him money on top of that and on top of bills etc I will become resentful. I'm also not sure what his motivations are for asking me to give him money, since he doesn't really need it.

What do you think?

It's not really your home, in that you couldn't invite friends to stay over, could you?

He sounds tight to expect you to pay the exact amount half a room would cost and framing his education as being for your benefit. I would personally run a mile as I can’t abide tight people but if you do want to stay I would offer less on the basis that you do not have your own bed or adequate storage, I would also say the cleaning has to be split 3 ways and the easiest way to do that would be to hire a cleaner and divide it 3 ways.

I moved into my partner's house , and he was almost paying off his mortgage.

I had moved to his area , so didn't have a job for the first 6 months . I didn't pay any bills or rent but did pay for the occasional meal / day out / shopping from savings.

He finished paying off mortgage , and I was working , still didn't pay rent but contributed more to shopping and would buy stuff like towels / curtains / bedding etc .

We moved and bought another place ( without a mortgage ) and he put me on the deeds .

I would be extremely put off by this because I wouldn’t expect it from a partner either - paying your share of the bills and general running costs is fine, but as he owns the rest just feels grabby.

I’d probably feel more comfortable just being in my own space then (because I wouldn’t be wanting to house share with his random friend either).

I have recently moved in with my partner of 3 years.

Move out again pronto then discuss the financial split between you. Only move back in if you think it's fair.

also end up doing most of the housework

And the split of chores. before you move in, not just you picking up the chores like some human support appliance.

Trust me on this.

I would pay rent and my share of the bills. If you decided to marry or have children then that would need re looking at. I certainly wouldn’t be paying rent AND doing all the housework! I’d clean up after myself but definitely not after partner and a lodger. As for house repairs no way would I pay, if you pay rent to a landlord they’re be accountable for all repairs because they own the house

Pay the £350, that’s fine, but you should be getting access to half the bedroom storage…
Its not really fair as he got the house for nothing but I’m afraid that’s the way it goes when you cohabit with someone much financially better off than you.

You shouldn’t be paying towards house repairs/ upkeep.

Do 1/3 of the household chores, and 1/2 of the cooking etc (assuming the other lodger sorts himself out re food)

He is financially benefitting from you moving in as he now pays 1/3 bills instead of 1/2.

Your suggestion to put some money into a savings account for both your benefits is a great idea. This could be for holidays / meals / saving for home improvements whatever. Him doing another masters does not benefit you as a couple. becoming a couple is about identifying shared goals and working towards them together.

Make sure all home chores are shared. You are not a free cleaning service.

Pay some rent but it should be saved by him to pay for repairs and maintenance, house insurance etc.. As a tenant you shouldn't be paying for that. Your rent shouldn't pay for his masters. Split bills and housework 3 ways. Get a tenancy agreement but in reality if the relationship breaks down you will be the homeless one.

Bills and rent yes

repairs are down to him

And not to forget paying toward repairs - which rightly should be covered in full by the landlord ( boyfriend) as he owns the property. Run OP.

I genuinely can’t believe most of these responses.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5161322-am-i-being-unreasonable-cocklodging

typical mumsnet!!

man moves in with partner - of course he should pay you rent, he’s a cocklodger!

man asks partner to pay rent- are you fucking kidding me?!!! You’re not going to financially benefit from me AND shag me!!

Well the op gets to live rent free?

This has disaster all over it

Just no. As soon as you give him the money you have no say in what happens to it. He's helping himself here. Gets his masters paid for and he gets the money from a higher job level. No. He also got a free flat through no work. Just handed to him. As your rent is..

We moved and bought another place ( without a mortgage ) and he put me on the deeds .

more fool him.

op, no to paying for maintenance, no for doing all housework but I dont see why you should live there for free just because he has no mortgage

100% agree

Lodgers do not pay for house repairs, so I agree.

Haha , now been together many years , so worked for us !

Sorry OP, I’ve not read the full thread,
but I’ wouldn’t be paying rent if sharing a bedroom and there’s others living there. Maybe calculate your hours spent cleaning, charge £25 per hour, and invoice him. Probably at least £200 worth?

He's an idiot in more ways than one

If she makes a financial contribution the OP may end up with an interest in the house.

If I was him I would be keen to ensure that she DIDNT pay anything towards the house

I would do this:
Pay him the first month’s rent and sign nothing.
Save for a deposit on a room in a shared house.
Go on spare room dot com and arrange viewings.
Move out to a place where I have my own room, the housework is shared and I can further my own career prospects.

He wants to profit from you. You're in his room - it's not like anyone else would pay money for that space, he's not lost anything...he's gained anyway by you contributing to bills and repairs. If you're paying rent then the landlord pays for repairs and you do no more than a third of cleaning.

🤔... Serial Studier?...

Hahaha, nice one.

In a way, he's not wrong. Just because he owns the place doesn't mean you have the right to live there for free. On the other hand, he has decided to be transactional about it and charge you rent, but also wants to benefit from you doing his housework for free? I don't think so. If he wants to be transactional, make sure you charge him for everything you do for him. You can do his housework for 30 pounds an hour or whatever is the going rate for housework in your area. Cash only, please. Also, if you are having to pay for storage for your things, then that cost needs to be incorporated into the calculation. He's not giving you a very good deal on rent if you can't even put all your stuff into the home you're paying rent for!

These transaction costs, however, won't cover the long-term financial, health, mental, emotional, and lifestyle risks to you if you get pregnant with him. This kind of guy is the kind who expects you to pay half of everything while you are on maternity leave and expects you to do all the childcare, 24/7/265, for free, while he continues with his normal life. Zero awareness that if you were not doing all the childcare then he would have to pay someone to do it and it would probably cost his entire salary and then some.

You should dump him for his twisted attempt to make his money grab seem like he's doing you a favor.

Imagine having children with this man... All the splitting of hairs over kids expenses, childcare etc that would happen?

When a person shows you who they are - listen.

Good that you have picked up these traits sooner than later OP. Run.