Should I pay my partner rent?

[isaisa123]

tl;dr: partner owns his property outright and wants me to pay him rent on top of bills etc.

I have recently moved in with my partner of 3 years. He owns his (2 bed) property outright: he bought it with money from a family trust set up for him when he was born. He rents out one bedroom to his friend for £700 / month. We share the other bedroom. He wants me to pay him £350 / month on top of all bills which are split equally three-ways. We also split the cost of any house repairs that need doing.

He says the arrangement will make us both richer -- as I will be paying less than market rent for a similar room.

When we first spoke about finances, before I moved in, he said that the money I saved in rent could be put towards making our lives 'bigger'. When discussing this recently, he said that this was still true, that the money I pay him can go towards his masters course fees for example, and that this will benefit us both long-term.

The amount is small, but I'm not sure how I feel about it in principle. Because he pays no rent or mortgage, I can't see why I should pay him rent. On the other hand I am benefitting hugely - the flat is lovely, we are making a home together, and I am able to save more money than if I were renting on the private market. On the other other hand I am very much sharing his room, and there is not much space in the flat for my things (they are currently in boxes in cupboards / storage)

I also end up doing most of the housework and I worry that if I am giving him money on top of that and on top of bills etc I will become resentful. I'm also not sure what his motivations are for asking me to give him money, since he doesn't really need it.

What do you think?

He’s taking the piss in plain sight - wants you to bankroll his studies!! He’s playing you for a mug

When DH came to live here, I own the house, etc. My son now has his own DP who has come to live with him in his own, owned home, so the question has come up again. I told him I would have been HORRIFIED to charge DH rent (when he was still DP even). I am not a landlady! He moved in and took over parts of the expenses that evened everything out. He buys all the groceries, he pays a couple small bills, he pays towards repairs. I advised DS to not call it rent, but the two should contribute to ordinary household expenses and it has worked very well for them so far! If one becomes ill, the DP will help the other financially as well as other ways. If you are two loving, intelligent, caring people, you'll find a way to make it work. If it becomes a rental business, it doesn't speak well for future possibilities.

This - why? And why don’t you have your stuff?

he wants rent you want equal housework and your stuff there and space in the hiuse

or you leave

Again, please be aware, I am in support of OP.

I think the OPs partner is being a cocklord and trying to make money from someone he supposedly cares for.

@Quinlan

I was just about to say the same thing. The man would be called a cocklodger! Surely it's the same thing here...

OP, why shouldn't you pay your own way? If you don't like it, find somewhere else to live and pay the market rates.

It's very likely that the trust owns the property and even if married it would never become a joint asset. If that is the case for the relationship to have a real future, particularly if you have children you really need to own a property yourself even if it's wherever in the country you can afford and rent out just so you are on the property ladder and protecting yourself for the future.

It's such a tricky one, you would have housing costs living anywhere else and just because DP is fortunate enough to not have housing costs doesn't mean others should benefit from that. He can live in the property alone and not pay, he can give up a bedroom and benefit financially from giving up space & privacy, he can then benefit from some rent for giving up half his bedroom. He is giving up space for some money, you are paying for a smaller space by paying rent. If it's considerably less than alternative housing options then you are still benefitting.

In all this, all household tasks should be shared equally between you and DP with the friend also doing a share if he has use of anything other than his bedroom and sole use of a bathroom.

Maybe the rent you pay could be put in a joint savings account which doesn't get touched and if you stay together longterm is used for a joint purpose which benefits you both or split 50/50 if you split up.

The fact he’s mortgage free is not really relevant.

Of course it's relevant. OP pays her share of the bills and maintenance which is fair, does the housework (not so fair as he should do some); he doesn't have to pay a penny towards a mortgage or rent and didn't work for it either. Yes, I'd also recommend the same to a woman who owned a house outright that as long as the bloke was paying towards bills and upkeep and doing housework then fair not to charge. He isn't out of pocket at all from OP living there in fact he's already better off and doesn't have to bother around the house.

He is utterly rinsing you to further his own financial situation.

How does that make you feel? It’s not sexy is it? He’s a twat. Move out.

I think it's fine for him to charge you a bit of rent, but tenants or lodgers don't pay towards maintenance! I would point out that you paying towards maintenance as a cohabiting partner might give you a claim on the value of the house if you were to split.

If you were paying rent, I would expect him to make room for all your belongings - are you paying for storage elsewhere?

As everyone else has said, you need a rota for housework!

Leave. This guy is using you for his financial benefit. He has you paying rent plus doing most of the housework so he doesn't have to hire a cleaner. And getting you to pay for house repairs, wtf, that's supposed to be covered by the landlord/homeowner.

Cheapass mfer.

You need to move out.

Why can’t you save that £350 and put it into an account for ‘your future’ - sounds like he just wants you to fund his masters.
I agree you should split the bills 3 ways, but this rent thing doesn’t sound very fair to you. Regardless if you’ll be paying below market rent which sounds like an excuse.

Hmmmm. I have a different viewpoint to most on here, nothing in life is free, if OP rented a little flat then she would be paying hugely more than £350 a month, even if it was a house share it would be. Few hundred more ( at least where I live ) so OP is financially much better off lodging with her DP.

for those that say he is financially benefiting from you, if you were paying rent to a landlord you are effectively paying off their mortgage. It’s not really any different.

HOWEVER, i wouldn’t be paying any rent whilst he rents out the other room. It should be your home together and it can’t be whilst there’s another gene at in residence.

The way he is going about it is wrong, although I understand why he is asking for board.

in theory he can use his income from you however he wants.

repairs are 100% his responsibility and only a homeowner should ever pay for repairs or upgrades.

it’s only fair that bills are split, my bills editing my mortgage are around £800 pcm so what’s he’s asking for probably isn’t way OTT.

instead of paying him rent, I would ask that your share of lodging goes into a joint savings account, so when you buy together you will have a little nest egg to put towards a new home together.

finally, make sure all housework and cooking is split equally. This is just as important as finances , don’t let him take advantage of you.

Sweet Jesus.

You allocating the £350 to your own masters or whatever the you want to do with it also makes both your lives richer, that cheeky twat. Kick him out of your life and rent privately.

He wants to have his cake, eat and then charge it rent.

After three years you should have a ring on your finger, a completely rent free existence from this work shy nepobaby or a spring in your step as you walk away not looking back.

No

I wouldn't like someone changing up the deal like that after you've moved. It sounds a bit money-grubbing to have you pay for his study so I'd be looking if he's trying to get you to cover him financially on other ways like food etc.

It's okay to pay rent (not more than market rent for HALF a room, not a whole room, and shared living space) and bills. Your BF does have to pay rates and insurance so it makes sense to help cover that. I wouldn't be putting money into repairs on his house. That's for the homeowner to pay. Also, is there a limit on the time with this flatmate? It's hard to build a life with a 3rd wheel.

should you pay for the roof over your head?
Yes.
Should you do all the housework?
No.

What about looking at it from that cf's perspective?

If he's your landlord you shouldn't be sleeping in his bed, doing his housework or having sex with him. Thats not a f ing landlord.

Wait a fucking minute. This guy wanted you to pay rent and then pay for holidays and shit for his place and/or for his degree with the money you "saved" by living with him instead of on your own?????

So you're cleaning for him, banging him, paying rent, paying for home repairs and holidays and stuff for his house and his school??????

This is toeing the line of financial abuse. You're definitely being taken advantage of financially if this is really the setup.

Run like you have never run before.

If - and it's a massive if - I was ever going to pay 'rent' in this scenario there would have to be a couple of big changes.

1- Friend would need to move out. Who the fuck wants to live with their partner as an adult with a third wheel handing around all the time? Friend goes and you move all your stuff into the space.

2- No house repairs - It's his house, he can pay for it like any other landlord.

This honestly doesn't sound like the start of a fair and equal partnership.

But if you separate down the line you’ve paid for him to better himself? Why not suggest you put £350 into a separate account for “emergencies” and to save for your own deposit on a buy to let as then that will also be benefit you both long term! That way you are also left with something if you do split? And your are suggesting benefiting you both long term essentially spinning it the other way round?

Well, would you pay £350 to live in half a bedroom in a flat? What would you pay for that space if you and he were both renting?

Normally I think people should pay rent or a mortgage. If you live with someone who owns a place, why should you have the benefit of free lodging when you haven't earned it or been given it?

In this situation, though, I would move out. You don't have any space and you're doing most of the housework - seriously, you need to look at why you're doing that. There are two able-bodied men in the house; why are you cleaning up after them?

There's a mismatch in wealth here and there doesn't seem to be a plan that you'll get married. God help you if you have a baby with him.

Why not move out and get a flat-share where you'll have your own room and do the right proportion of the cleaning?

Oh yes, the house repairs! That's really shocking. Neither you nor the lodger should pay for those.

I think 1/3 of bills and utilities is fair.

You should not be contributing towards repairs and upkeep of the property, that is the owner's responsibility.

You should not be doing cooking and cleaning.

A contribution is also fair, £350 doesn't sound too bad.

I would deduct the cost of a cleaner from the £350 and give him the rest.

Make sure you save your money and buy your own place asap.

Do not have children with this man. He is already showing you what your future would be, you will be expected to do anything 'domestic', and he doesn't consider you in financial matters.

He should charge you the market rent - the exact amount he would get if he advertised a share of half of his bed on any sensible estate agent. Obviously, that's likely £0 unfortunately for him, because no one else would pay him to rent half his bed even in the most desirable location.