Should I pay my partner rent?

[isaisa123]

tl;dr: partner owns his property outright and wants me to pay him rent on top of bills etc.

I have recently moved in with my partner of 3 years. He owns his (2 bed) property outright: he bought it with money from a family trust set up for him when he was born. He rents out one bedroom to his friend for £700 / month. We share the other bedroom. He wants me to pay him £350 / month on top of all bills which are split equally three-ways. We also split the cost of any house repairs that need doing.

He says the arrangement will make us both richer -- as I will be paying less than market rent for a similar room.

When we first spoke about finances, before I moved in, he said that the money I saved in rent could be put towards making our lives 'bigger'. When discussing this recently, he said that this was still true, that the money I pay him can go towards his masters course fees for example, and that this will benefit us both long-term.

The amount is small, but I'm not sure how I feel about it in principle. Because he pays no rent or mortgage, I can't see why I should pay him rent. On the other hand I am benefitting hugely - the flat is lovely, we are making a home together, and I am able to save more money than if I were renting on the private market. On the other other hand I am very much sharing his room, and there is not much space in the flat for my things (they are currently in boxes in cupboards / storage)

I also end up doing most of the housework and I worry that if I am giving him money on top of that and on top of bills etc I will become resentful. I'm also not sure what his motivations are for asking me to give him money, since he doesn't really need it.

What do you think?

the money I pay him can go towards his masters course fees

Those fees are nothing to do with you.

I do think you should pay him rent though. You'd have to pay it anywhere else.

So if you split up, you’ve paid for repairs on a house you’ve got no claim on and for his education. And you would come out with sweet FA.

Id say a fairer way would be you pay for tge luxuries like holidays, weekends away, nice meals out etc so you both benefit

His masters only benefits you long term if he marries you with you having a legal financial stake in his future backed up by a court regardless of how he might feel about it at the time.

Tell the lazy so and so to get a job, like you. That having housework done has a going rate of £350 per month and that if he wants you to pay for wear and tear or maintenance each month then you want a conveyancer each month to progressively put more and more of the property in your name as that is, in fact, the responsibility of an owner NOT a renter.

This guy is delusional if he thinks you're going to fall for that crap.

Charge him lawyer fees for your consultation of legal advice on whether this arrangement is appropriate and then once he's coughed up, tell him goodbye forever.

He's a complete and utter user. He's using his good fortune in life to extract resources from you and you should treat him like the non contributing oxygen thief he is.

I don't have an issue with paying rent and bills. However, you dont have an interest in the property and shouldn't be paying for any renovations or repairs. It's his home and solely his responsibility. I also wouldn't be doing the cleaning or cooking for them. Fuck that. You aren't their maid.

Would he rather have rent, housework done and a partner in his bed? I'm sure he would.
Would you rather pay market rent/your own mortgage to have more space and some security? Paying towards his Masters fees seems like a fairly vague investment in a joint future.

I don't think this relationship will last if you both feel the other is trying to rip you off. You can only decide what you think is reasonable and explain that to him.

You're not making a home together, OP. You're living in half of a double bed and sharing a living room with a lodger. You're paying 1/3 of costs and doing all the housework. That's not making a home!

I don't see an issue with paying the rent and bill contribution (guessing this would be about 500 all in) which is pretty good. But I would want all housework split equally between the three of you and you boyfriend should be paying for ALL the repairs and maintenance (as long as you and the other guy are treating the house with care).

Nope, i wouldnt pay that for a shared bedroom, no storage and to be treated like the maid.

Move into your own place op.

I realise that my comment may well sound patronising, but really that is not my intent. Because I'm quite sure that I am much, much older than you, and having knocked around a bit and experienced "living with" partners situations, I have to say that you are being taken advantage of. It's a win-win situation for him (getting his Masters paid for!) and yes, you are paying less than if you were renting elsewhere, it seems you are not only being his maid/housekeeper, but YOU are paying HIM for the privilege!

No, he is not doing this for the benefit of your relationship.
Otherwise he would have asked the lodger to leave, and he would not be charging you for repairs.
Massive red flag that you are doing the housework too. Does he think you should because he owns the house and you are ‘getting a deal on rent’? If so, run. If that is the case, this man has no respect for you or your relationship and is not partner material.

Ps. The stuff about it funding a masters and making your life richer is a bit premature. If he wants to use his money for that fine, but that's assuming you guys are together for long enough to benefit from it and you're not there to subsidise his life or support him getting a qualification.

Does he have a job?

So he waits until you move in and I presume you gave up
your home to say to pay rent?
Third of bills, third housework and he as landlord pays for repairs.
Tell him no and see what he says, he trying to make ££ off you.

He works as a TA in a school and studies in the evenings. It's his second masters degree. He already has a phd.

Why does he need a second Masters if he has a PhD?

Of course you should pay some rent. If you don't you're a freeloader. You're not married. Why does he owe you free accommodation?

Of course you are free to rent your own place

Fuck that. Sneaky greedy shit! He's trying to profit from you, from an asset he didn't work to earn but inherited! What an avaricious little twat. This would make my fanny clamp shut personally.

Changing careers. He's now training to be a psychotherapist.

😆 she's not freeloading because the accommodation costs him £0 and she's paying towards bills. He's £0 out of pocket for her living there but he's IN profit from her if she pays rent.

Exactly.

The bottom line is, when we are looking for a long-term life partner, it's better to find someone on an equal financial basis.

I think you should pay

Afterall you are benefiting enormously! I’d offer £250!

Also you need to watch these guys who constantly go to uni to pursue various dreams and careers they can actually be quite useless and keep going back to education to pursue their next dream career!!!

The other lodger pays £700 for their own room, OPs partner is asking for £350 because they share, that’s fair, it’s not like he’s asking her to pay £700 and share

The fact he has no mortgage is neither here nor there

I would stay where you are OP, it may be less rent but you are sharing a room with him, and the flat with another person. You are also doing most of the housework when you live with two other people. It doesn't sound great to me. Also DO NOT put money into a joint account with him, you are not married, he could run off with all of it and you wouldn't be able to do anything.

Honestly he's still living like a student, he's not ready for a proper relationship.

Just to add, I don't charge my partner rent to live in my house.