Should I pay my partner rent?

[isaisa123]

tl;dr: partner owns his property outright and wants me to pay him rent on top of bills etc.

I have recently moved in with my partner of 3 years. He owns his (2 bed) property outright: he bought it with money from a family trust set up for him when he was born. He rents out one bedroom to his friend for £700 / month. We share the other bedroom. He wants me to pay him £350 / month on top of all bills which are split equally three-ways. We also split the cost of any house repairs that need doing.

He says the arrangement will make us both richer -- as I will be paying less than market rent for a similar room.

When we first spoke about finances, before I moved in, he said that the money I saved in rent could be put towards making our lives 'bigger'. When discussing this recently, he said that this was still true, that the money I pay him can go towards his masters course fees for example, and that this will benefit us both long-term.

The amount is small, but I'm not sure how I feel about it in principle. Because he pays no rent or mortgage, I can't see why I should pay him rent. On the other hand I am benefitting hugely - the flat is lovely, we are making a home together, and I am able to save more money than if I were renting on the private market. On the other other hand I am very much sharing his room, and there is not much space in the flat for my things (they are currently in boxes in cupboards / storage)

I also end up doing most of the housework and I worry that if I am giving him money on top of that and on top of bills etc I will become resentful. I'm also not sure what his motivations are for asking me to give him money, since he doesn't really need it.

What do you think?

When I first moved in to my now husband.
I didn't give him any rent. But I did all the housework, and looked after him head to toes.

Why, did you not have a job?

Yeah, I did this for about a week when I got back from travelling and moved in with him, then I started my new job and we split rent, bills and housework equally....

There are so many red flags in this situation, OP, please, open your eyes.

You are VULNERABLE. You have no rental agreement, no protections and no rights. You are effectively a paying guest and housekeeper.

• He changed the goalposts AFTER you moved in.
• He does not want to give you a written agreement and thereby protect your position.
• He wants you to be both a tenant and responsible for maintenance costs, for a house you have no proof you live in.
• He doesn't want to live with you as a couple, because otherwise he'd have given his friend notice to move out so you can "live together".
• He wants shared mealtimes because it is convenient that you cook for them both.
• You want kids but he does not (yet).
• You want kids but again, YOU HAVE NO PROTECTION OR RIGHTS AS A TENANT IN THIS LIVING SITUATION.
• You want kids, but as an umarried partner, in the event of a split he would have NO OBLIGATION to you other than CMS for the child.
• He doesn't pull his weight or do his fair share now, what makes you think he will do that for kids?
• He lords his position over you, "I bring this house to the table, what did you bring?". A relationship should be a partnership: "I am fortunate to have this house and I want to have an open conversation about sharing it with you and how we work out what is fair between us and how things might look if we have a family".

Do you have any girlfriends IRL who can tell you how manipulative he is being?

Well said @holrosea

He said the quiet part out loud...

Run-For-The-Hills

Don't be another MN cautionary tale.

PLEASE see this conversation for the absolute gift that it is. Some women are strung along by a future faker who tells them what they want to here but never follows through. Others are treated like Queens until they get pregnant.

Your boyfriend is doing neither. He's showing and telling you exactly who he is and the contempt he holds for you.

Please please get out with your head held high while you are young enough to have the family you desire. Do not let this man take a minute more of your fertile time.

Nah nah nah. There's some major manipulation from him here. Accusing you of being 'jealous' for simply not agreeing to be rinsed and used as a houseslave into the bargain. What a cheeky fucker.

The guys a total narcissist op. If you haven't ditched him already, get to it. Run, run like the wind!

Omg op please tell me tou see that he resents you and sounds like an incel.

When they use words like 'what you bring to the table' they HATE women. He's a Tate fan, Mark my words.

Please do not have children with this man. He is giving you all the clear signs he will be abusive. Financially and otherwise. Get out of there.

Psycho the rapist....psychotherapist ;) Sorry lol

I would find the imbalance of cooking, cleaning and general adulting very, very offputting and unsexy. Lots of women will tell you that this situation rarely ends well. Usually with them doing 95% of the housework and childcare while their partner swans off to pursue his career/hobby/leisure activities at will, leaving a trail of dirty dishes in his wake.

Don't be like them. Raise your standards and your expectations. You are skivvying around after two grown men!

You're betting on a dud horse here.
Do not get pregnant fgs.
You're only 31.
Raise your game.

"What do you bring to the table?"

My goodness OP, you must be feeling absolutely desperate to stick around?
You are going to be so so let down and used by this man.

It sadly reads as if you are determined to learn this the hard way.

He would not otherwise be able to charge rent for sharing his bedroom - so he is making money from you that he wouldn't otherwise be able to make.

This is it. And another poster rightly said, his family money bought the house - he did not. He wants to make money from you. ICK.

I also said I would expect him to pay tax on these earnings (he should now but doesn't)

Oh he thinks he's so smart, doesn't he? Best the little guy doesn't try to fuck with the taxman.

I am actually quite angry about this on your behalf, OP! The CF!!

He would rather you move out than enter into a binding legal agreement with you. ("I said that if he wants this to be more transactional I wanted a lodger agreement (didn't go down well, he said I should just move out)"

He tried to change your setup after you moved in by wanting you to pay rent for a room you share with him.

He has conned you into paying for repairs which the owner is responsible for.

Changed his tune when you brought up ownership implications of you paying for repairs and tax non payment.

He said he wants to all eat together and you do the prep and work.

He wants you to invest the money you um, save in paying him rent (WTF) by buying furniture for his home and taking him on holidays and funding his degree.

He said out loud to your face that you bring nothing to the relationship. (That would be the end for me). He doesn't see your presence in his life as adding anything of value.

You are being taken advantage of and exploited by this creep.

Others have addressed the eternal student angle. Has he ever held a long term job commensurate with his degree? He underperforms career wise and in the home and your working is enabling that as you do the shopping and cooking and cleaning and he wants you to pay for life extras like buying his furniture and paying for his holidays and his degree.

Do you see the pattern here?

It's time to look at your life goals and reassess whether this exploitative bangmaid relationship is going to help you meet those goals.

This is far more now than the OP paying 'rent' there are way too many red flags and he is being very manipulative.

On a side note - To those saying he should be paying tax - When you rent a room you have a tax free allowance of £7500. Plus any repairs, maintenance, even bills can be tax deductible so he will be fine. Even if they weren't tax deductable HMRC are not going to come after a few hundred quid in tax.

£700 x 12 = £8400 and he is proposing to add £4200 to that from OP.

I doubt his repair bill would get him below £7500 - especially as he is getting his lodgers to pay 2/3.

And - if OP doesn't want to share her bed with someone who doesn't want to pay all the tax he should when he is well able to afford it - that's up to her, whether HMRC catch him or not.

Oh - looking it up - he can't have both the £7500 tax free AND allowances for repairs etc - though I have just skimmed it and might be wrong:

1.2 If your gross receipts are more than the Rent-a-Room limit
If your gross receipts are more than £7,500 (or £3,750), you can choose how you want to work out your tax:
Method A
You pay tax on your actual profit — your total receipts less any expenses and capital allowances.
Method B
You pay tax on your gross receipts over the Rent-a-Room limit — that is, your gross receipts minus £7,500 (or £3,750). You cannot deduct any expenses or capital allowances if you choose this method.

HMRC will automatically use your actual profit (Method A) to work out your tax.
If you want to pay tax using Method B, you need to tell HMRC within the time limit. You will continue to pay tax on your gross receipts over the Rent-a-Room limit until you tell HMRC that you want to change back to paying tax on your actual profit (Method A).
If you pay tax using Method B, this automatically stops if your rental income drops below £7,500 (or £3,750) limit.

This!! No way should you be paying towards repairs. You wouldn’t be paying for this if you rented. This bloke is a grade 1 user. I would never have DC with someone like this

If he asks again, I’d tell him you’ll invoice him for the cleaning and cooking per month. He’ll be worse off.

If you haven't already stopped & looked at this. There is also the factor, that you are a lodger but also have to store your stuff elsewhere as there is nowhere for your belongings.
I'd say, I don't want to live with you & "Buddy". If we are a couple then I will pay £700, I will use his room as office/storage & we can live together, as a couple
I am not your cleaner/shopper/cook/dog's body I am your partner, as in partnership, you know, there are shared tasks, 50/50.
I am also not paying repairs, as you as Landlord are receiving rent. & are responsible, I am not.
I need a lease & a utility with my name on it

Ask him if he loves you.

Not funny.

He really is a greedy little fucker isn't he?

He wants it all ways:
-you live with him but he treats you as a casual girlfriend with barely a drawer to your name,
-has you acting like a 1950s housewife, cooking and cleaning, but at the same expecting you to earn and pay bills
-treats you like a lodger/tenant expecting rent - yet at the same time expecting you to pay towards repairs like you have a legal interest in the property
-treats you like a lodger/tenant, but doesn't want to formalise your rights with a tenancy agreement
-claims that you supporting him in his MA will benefit you both in the future, but there's no actual legal commitments between you, so it's all jam tomorrow and solely benefits him in the present.

so you pay more towards a house you will NEVER own and have stake in!?

OP run, buy a house and leave this manchild and money grabber

you are 31, plenty of time to find the right guy and have kids - he is not it!