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Original poster

Should I pay my partner rent?

355 replies

isaisa123 · 02/03/2025 17:28

tl;dr: partner owns his property outright and wants me to pay him rent on top of bills etc.

I have recently moved in with my partner of 3 years. He owns his (2 bed) property outright: he bought it with money from a family trust set up for him when he was born. He rents out one bedroom to his friend for £700 / month. We share the other bedroom. He wants me to pay him £350 / month on top of all bills which are split equally three-ways. We also split the cost of any house repairs that need doing.

He says the arrangement will make us both richer -- as I will be paying less than market rent for a similar room.

When we first spoke about finances, before I moved in, he said that the money I saved in rent could be put towards making our lives 'bigger'. When discussing this recently, he said that this was still true, that the money I pay him can go towards his masters course fees for example, and that this will benefit us both long-term.

The amount is small, but I'm not sure how I feel about it in principle. Because he pays no rent or mortgage, I can't see why I should pay him rent. On the other hand I am benefitting hugely - the flat is lovely, we are making a home together, and I am able to save more money than if I were renting on the private market. On the other other hand I am very much sharing his room, and there is not much space in the flat for my things (they are currently in boxes in cupboards / storage)

I also end up doing most of the housework and I worry that if I am giving him money on top of that and on top of bills etc I will become resentful. I'm also not sure what his motivations are for asking me to give him money, since he doesn't really need it.

What do you think?

OP posts:
alwayslearning789 · 02/03/2025 20:52

Cross post with @aloris ...

BlondiePortz · 02/03/2025 20:58

alwayslearning789 · 02/03/2025 20:50

Imagine having children with this man... All the splitting of hairs over kids expenses, childcare etc that would happen?

When a person shows you who they are - listen.

Good that you have picked up these traits sooner than later OP. Run.

Show quote history

Although I don't disagree if a man was moving in with a woman the woman would be advised to make him pay his way and contribute

caringcarer · 02/03/2025 21:03

You should be doing 1/3 of cooking and cleaning. You should have half of his drawers and wardrobe. If not you should reduce the rent you pay your landlord (boyfriend). You shouldn't be paying anything for repairs maintenance that'd down.to bf/LL. I'd be asking for a contract too if you stay. I wouldn't stay I'd prefer not to be financially screwed over by someone who is supposed to love me.

TwistedWonder · 02/03/2025 21:10

BlondiePortz · 02/03/2025 20:58

Although I don't disagree if a man was moving in with a woman the woman would be advised to make him pay his way and contribute

Show quote history

She does pay her way and contribute. She pays her share of bills and shopping, pays towards household repairs plus she does all the housework.

Pretty sure I’ve not seen a thread on here where a man moved in with his gf and does exactly the same.

Ive not seen a thread yet where a woman is told to make money out of a man moving in.

MaryP23 · 02/03/2025 21:12

TheBewleySisters · 02/03/2025 18:55

I realise that my comment may well sound patronising, but really that is not my intent. Because I'm quite sure that I am much, much older than you, and having knocked around a bit and experienced "living with" partners situations, I have to say that you are being taken advantage of. It's a win-win situation for him (getting his Masters paid for!) and yes, you are paying less than if you were renting elsewhere, it seems you are not only being his maid/housekeeper, but YOU are paying HIM for the privilege!

This!

carly2803 · 02/03/2025 21:43

um no!!

you pay 1/3 or a half of bills - as he has no mortgage - thats it!!!

no extra - hes actually outright being a cheeky fucker! and a grabby one. Have this out with him before you have kids and get stuck - he sounds awful!

frozendaisy · 02/03/2025 21:48

I think you would have more fun in shared accommodation with your own full bedroom, shared housework and a roper tenancy which the landlord pays for maintenance and repairs. Probably cost not far off the same.

At least it would be straightforward.

winedokument · 02/03/2025 21:50

He's got a degree, a masters or PHD or whatever and now he's studying for ANOTHER masters? He's been GIVEN a house. Pays no mortgage, has income from a job and a lodger. Has 2/3 of house maintenance, bills etc covered by the OP and lodger.

This lad is the definition of privilege.

We're living in an age that the cost of living is astronomical, parents can hardly afford f**king heating and the wealth gap is widening.

Yet this silver spoon pillock is asking for RENT, I SAY AGAIN, 'RENT' from his partner whom he supposedly likes, when said partner does domestic jobs, pays bills and f**king housing maintenance on a house she has no claim to?!

He's a typical 'educated' prick who's never seen reality and has had more given to him in wealth than most families will accumulate in generations.

Is this guy really studying for a field where he helps people?! Because if he truly believes in his area of study, he will understand his absolute privilege and be mindful enough to share this with someone who he cares about.

Cherrylips99 · 02/03/2025 22:14

I don’t get all the hate for him using the money for his masters? It’s his money ( technically) so he could buy clothes, a tv, an elephant or a plane if he wants.

the fact that he doesn’t have a mortgage is completly irrelevant. Does this mean all landlords who own their house outright shouldn’t charge tenants rent?

if he had a mortgage, people would be saying why should you be paying off his mortgage….

the fact that he was given the house is also irrelevant- he didn’t ask for it at birth.

£350 is nothing. OP could go find her own place to rent and maybe incur monthly costs of upwards of £1000 a month - why would she or anyone do that?

DoYouReally · 02/03/2025 22:40

I wouldn't contribute to repairs but 1/3 of bills and some rental makes complete sense. You still save a fortune by moving in.

That said; he doesn't sound great for a lot of reasons so I would move out if I were you

mrmr1 · 02/03/2025 23:04

LegallyBlende · 02/03/2025 17:59

You shouldn't be paying rent and house repairs. If you are renting, the landlord covers the house repairs.
You should be doing max 30% of the housework.
If you are paying for half a room, you should get half the space and storage in it.

Hope he is paying tax on all his rental income.

FondantFancyFan · 02/03/2025 23:08

I'd claim an interest in the property if you're paying towards maintenance and repairs etc:

https://www.starckuberoi.co.uk/litigation/proving-beneficial-interest-property/

So if he sells his house then he has to pay you back what you've invested in his property eventhough you're not on the deeds.

I'd also report him anonymously to HMRC for undeclared income and bin him off as my boyfriend.

Thelnebriati · 02/03/2025 23:10

Unpopular opinion; a live in partner who isn't on the mortgage should save the money they aren't paying in rent. If you ever marry you can use that towards the mortgage, if you split you wont be dependant and will be able to move straight out.

Bollindger · 02/03/2025 23:31

I think you should tell him that while your willing to pay you would like the house work to be taken into consideration..
£10 an hour, and you will give him a breakdown each month.

Unless he wants to do a chore list for all 3 of you...

DrunkOnYourAwe · 03/03/2025 00:11

I think he's a bit cheeky because it's not like he could rent half his bedroom and bed to anyone else, is it? And you're already contributing to bills which covers the cost of an additional person in the flat.

DrunkOnYourAwe · 03/03/2025 00:15

Cherrylips99 · 02/03/2025 22:14

I don’t get all the hate for him using the money for his masters? It’s his money ( technically) so he could buy clothes, a tv, an elephant or a plane if he wants.

the fact that he doesn’t have a mortgage is completly irrelevant. Does this mean all landlords who own their house outright shouldn’t charge tenants rent?

if he had a mortgage, people would be saying why should you be paying off his mortgage….

the fact that he was given the house is also irrelevant- he didn’t ask for it at birth.

£350 is nothing. OP could go find her own place to rent and maybe incur monthly costs of upwards of £1000 a month - why would she or anyone do that?

I think it is relevant that he is mortgage free. I think when one partner moves in with the other, if they're paying rent it's to contribute to the rent or mortgage. If there are no housing costs I don't see why he should be charging OP housing costs when she is already paying for running costs.

DrunkOnYourAwe · 03/03/2025 00:20

winedokument · 02/03/2025 18:23

Again, please be aware, I am in support of OP.

I think the OPs partner is being a cocklord and trying to make money from someone he supposedly cares for.

Show quote history

100% cocklord

Notinmylifethyme · 03/03/2025 01:06

Run.

He's not got your best interests at heart. Find someone who does.

MaryP23 · 03/03/2025 04:06

Thelnebriati · 02/03/2025 23:10

Unpopular opinion; a live in partner who isn't on the mortgage should save the money they aren't paying in rent. If you ever marry you can use that towards the mortgage, if you split you wont be dependant and will be able to move straight out.

I agree.

rwalker · 03/03/2025 05:22

TwistedWonder · 02/03/2025 21:10

She does pay her way and contribute. She pays her share of bills and shopping, pays towards household repairs plus she does all the housework.

Pretty sure I’ve not seen a thread on here where a man moved in with his gf and does exactly the same.

Ive not seen a thread yet where a woman is told to make money out of a man moving in.

Show quote history

There’s been absolutely loads of them and there generally called cock lodgers for living rent free and being able to save as they have no rent to
as for doing all the housework why? My guess is it’s not that they expect OP to do its they simply don’t care and happy to live with a low standard of clean

Personally it wouldn’t work for me but I think the only unreasonable thing is about contributing to repairs that 100% on the homeowner

OpenOliveCat · 03/03/2025 06:29

Rather bitter attacks...
Forward planning when he was a child has enabled him to have a cost free home later on in life. It's a good thing ..
For him..

Now to the op, these situations happen when people play at relationships with very little commitment. If she wants to move in he's insisting on rent plus bills plus upkeep.
I think the op should buy her own home and invest in herself not him...
However if she moves in and doesn't pay, by Mumsnet own rules she's a female cock lodger. I've even seen the sophistry when the man has renovated a woman's home advising her to not pay or pay him a pittance in equity....

Balloonney · 03/03/2025 06:36

rwalker · 03/03/2025 05:22

There’s been absolutely loads of them and there generally called cock lodgers for living rent free and being able to save as they have no rent to
as for doing all the housework why? My guess is it’s not that they expect OP to do its they simply don’t care and happy to live with a low standard of clean

Personally it wouldn’t work for me but I think the only unreasonable thing is about contributing to repairs that 100% on the homeowner

Show quote history

Nah cocklodgers are called out on here when it's a bloke who doesn't contribute much if anything to bills, doesn't do housework, and for extra points has children he expects the new partner to bend over backwards and provide for.

I have never seen a thread on here where a woman says- i make money from a lodger so there's a random person living with us, bf pays his share of the bills and maintenance plus does all of the housework should I charge him rent as well even though my house was gifted to me so I don't pay any mortgage or rent etc.

TimeForATerf · 03/03/2025 06:37

I think you should pay rent, but this should be towards wear and tear and repairs, not paying both rent AND repairs. That’s taking the absolute piss.

Tbh, I wouldn’t live with a partner if he had a lodger there too. It’s like a HMO, you might as well be in one, you’d have your own room.

Bollindger · 03/03/2025 06:44

Do you love this man,?
Do you want a future?
Your paying 1/4 of the rental rate and 1/3 of the bills for a home...
Let's think about this...

So your willing to do this..

£350 or £1400 to live in a rental.
£150 for 1/3. £450 alone.
£500 now. £1850 alone..

Net loss £1350...

Is your pride worth that much?

Joystir59 · 03/03/2025 06:48

You are paying to sleep with him! Move out and be your best independent self. In the meantime use reliable contraception.