Should I pay my partner rent?

[isaisa123]

tl;dr: partner owns his property outright and wants me to pay him rent on top of bills etc.

I have recently moved in with my partner of 3 years. He owns his (2 bed) property outright: he bought it with money from a family trust set up for him when he was born. He rents out one bedroom to his friend for £700 / month. We share the other bedroom. He wants me to pay him £350 / month on top of all bills which are split equally three-ways. We also split the cost of any house repairs that need doing.

He says the arrangement will make us both richer -- as I will be paying less than market rent for a similar room.

When we first spoke about finances, before I moved in, he said that the money I saved in rent could be put towards making our lives 'bigger'. When discussing this recently, he said that this was still true, that the money I pay him can go towards his masters course fees for example, and that this will benefit us both long-term.

The amount is small, but I'm not sure how I feel about it in principle. Because he pays no rent or mortgage, I can't see why I should pay him rent. On the other hand I am benefitting hugely - the flat is lovely, we are making a home together, and I am able to save more money than if I were renting on the private market. On the other other hand I am very much sharing his room, and there is not much space in the flat for my things (they are currently in boxes in cupboards / storage)

I also end up doing most of the housework and I worry that if I am giving him money on top of that and on top of bills etc I will become resentful. I'm also not sure what his motivations are for asking me to give him money, since he doesn't really need it.

What do you think?

You seen the amount of women that get screwed by well earning men? That's why there's a gender bias.

If my parents bought me a house and I was charging someone who I cared for rent, I'd get a slap.

It's a relationship not a business transaction.

@Quinlan i was going to say the same thing, seems to be a real double standard to the usual response if genders were reversed. Cock lodger is the usual term, not sure why it’s different for a woman.

@isaisa123 if you don’t want to pay to live in his house, pay to rent your own place. You are not married and until you are then it’s reasonable for him to ask you to pay a small amount to live in his house, perhaps not half of someone who gets a whole room but some amount. The fact he’s mortgage free is not really relevant.

Big red flag! If he's not paying rent or mortgage why the hell should you pay? Either he's your landlord or he's your boyfriend. There's no crossover in those roles. It's a mean, penny pinching sort of man who will charge you to share his bed. There's no affection in it. I'd be out.

As you don't have your own room I'd say no to paying rent but would contribute to bills. No one except the owner should be paying for house repairs. I'm surprised his lodger agrees to this. He sounds incredibly tight which is a major red flag.

No way!

You moved in to start a life together. Is this the life you want? He has no rent or mortgage to pay, why wouldn't he want to share that good fortune with his life partner? Or at least encourage you to set the equivalent of rent aside each month so you can both save for a bigger home if you want to start a family and he can save for his own masters? If you split up, he walks away with an improved house, and you walk away with nothing.

@winedokument the OP is paying her share of bills,repairs, and domestic labor.
This is not being the female version of a cocklodger.
Her partner has zero rent/mortgage

I’d be fine paying him 350 rent as long as he paid for all the repairs (as landlords do) and he did 1/3 of the housework. If the housework is an issue he can either pay for a cleaner or you can charge him the professional going rate to clean. It’s £15 per hour in my area, so work out how many cleaning hours you both do and discuss how to make it fair.

He is exploiting you! Rent AND house repairs, plus your share of the bills, nowhere to put your stuff etc etc. Personally I'd leave, or any increase in the value of the house between now and when he sells or you leave is yours, in cash.

He sounds repulsive

Give him & lodger an invoice for your housework - you'll be quids in.

Also use your spare cash to save a deposit for your own flat. Great opportunity to save and buy your own place.

It’s always a split with many PP’s saying no to asking g them to pay towards the mortgage of a house they’re not in feeds of.

And I’ve yet to see a thread where nights a bloke asked to pay rent in a woman’s mortgage free home but also pay half of all replies plus do all the housework.

I think you misunderstand me. I'm fully in support of the OP and think the OPs partner is being absolutely out of line.

"He says the arrangement will make us both richer -- as I will be paying less than market rent for a similar room".
Except this isn't true! You're sharing a room with him, you wouldn't be paying £350 for a shared room anywhere. He is charging you for sharing his bed!!
and you're doing all the housework aswell. His taking the piss out of you. I'd stop doing all housework now and tell your bf that he needs to get a cleaner and it should come out of the money that you and the lodger are giving him.

Agree - the cocklodger are the men who move in, pay nothing towards bills, food etc and sit on their arse while the woman bankrolling them does all the domestic stuff as well. Usually the woman feels terrible asking for a penny while he lives the life of Riley at her expense.

Nothing like the scenario in
this case

And Mr Mortgage free now wants you to pay for his university fees to improve ‘your’ future - he’s not even hiding his CF behaviour.

If I owned a home outright, I'd split the bills with my DP and then all our 'spare' money (after home maintenance and whatever savings we both wanted to build up) would be for fun things like holidays, eating out, theatre etc.

It was after I moved in. Before, he said that we could use the money I saved to make our lives better i.e. pay for holidays or furniture. I thought this meant put the money into a joint account, which I would be happy to do. Now he's saying that me putting money into his account is effectively the same, as he will use it to pay for his masters course, for example, and that will benefit us both long term.

Why are you doing most of the housework?

WHY????

Fuck that...just no..
1/3 bills yes
You have half a room so maybe half a room share rate maybe....at max .
You don't pay any repairs/maintenance stuff

Why are you doing the cleaning??

You can pay a 1/3 of the vost of a cleaner...
You are an equal here do not forget it...

Personally, if I moved in with a boyfriend into a home that was owned by him already, I would be happy to pay half towards all the running costs and grocery shop also. However, I would draw the line at paying an additional ‘rent’ sum because as has already been pointed out, they guy is either you’re boyfriend or a landlord! He can’t be both! Also, I wouldn’t be expecting to be asked towards paying the house repairs as that’s an investments cost physically back into

his own home and in the future if he should sell it you won’t be seeing any benefit of your contributions! You also said that it’s not an equal living experience either as much of your stuff is still packed up and it’s a very small living space. Honestly, I feel he’s taking financial advantage of your good nature and if he really loved you he’d just appreciate the fair contributions you already make including the housework you do. The set up a
ready benefits you both as you’re saving on rent elsewhere and he’s saving on his bills by two thirds as well as his house repairs for his sole future benefit so either stand your ground if you think he’s worth it or just leave him now for your own mental well being. Good luck!

And how does his masters help you? He saw you coming

This.
And only your fair share of housework. No more, no less.
(But I would never have children with him without being married.)

Generally people rent to get a room and a shared living space.
You have what? Half a bed, a cardboard box and a shelf in a fridge? Big rethink on rent I say. Offer half of rent-a-room in your area. Zero house repairs. 1/3 bills.
And stop that cleaning up, skivvying after two grown men!! Cut that out today. Cleaning rota at least. No way on Earth you should be cleaning up someones crap unless it is a child.