Am I being unreasonable? Cocklodging

[Cocklodgerdodger1]

My partner lives in a flat owned by me, doesn’t pay rent, and contributes 50% towards bills and food, cleaner etc. we are in London. This is all in all about £800 a month of his 6.5k a month take home salary. However he never pays me on the 1st of the month meaning I have to fund his share until he gets paid in the middle of the month. If he were living alone he’d be paying least 3x what he’s paying in rent and bills. He calls me stingy and money obsessed because I want him to pay on time so I can also manage my cash flows better during the month and not have to dip into savings waiting for him to pay up. Is this unreasonable? We split everything 50:50 and I feel he’s saving at my expense and also doesn’t even want to pay on time.

No, in fact he should pay a month in advance. Not only are you subsidizing him, he resents handing over anything. My friend rents a room out and charges £600pcm, no food and we're not in London. Your guys onto a good thing.

this is not acceptable.. how long have you been together? If he is on such a salary, I’d expect he could easily pay you on the 1st (from the previous month). Does he have expensive (bad) habits? Does he save? I also posted a similar challenge today, although we are 50/50, which I am asking advice on if that’s fair. Maybe there are some helpful responses there too

Calling you 'stingy' is awful and shows how ungrateful he is. Youre subsidizing him and he's on probably a 6 figure salary?

You need to tell him that either he pays rent with a rental agreement, including dates, or you will need to ask him to move out and get a lodger instead. He literally can't argue with that if he cares about you and he's serious about a LTR with you.

I used to live with a bf in my 20s and paid rent equivalent to 1/3 of the mortgage and I saw that as either well marry one day and it'll be half mine then, or we'll break up and then I won't feel guilty having lived off him rent free. We broke up obviously. But me as a 20 something woman on about 22k salary contributed far more proportionally that your bf.

Just remember that you're probably paying all the decor and maintenance of the property and also you've tied up all your cash in it too

If he pays 50% of everything, why is he stingey. He’s paying half of everything!

Regarding when he pays, then if he pays you the amount at the same tone each month, I don’t see what the problem is? Ie, if he pays on 15th. If he chops and changes, then I can see how that affects cash flow.

How does your money work? Do you pay for everything, then he pays you his share?

Regarding rent, that’s always a tricky one. I guess you have a mortgage. If he pays rent, is he a tenant/lodger , or your partner? Could he pay the equivalent into a savings account to go towards a future house purchase together?

Release him back into the wild and watch his survival skills kick into action. He will either grow up and realise he had it very good with you (doubtful) or he will find someone else to use and abuse (probable).

You can still have a relationship whilst living in different houses btw but um... surely him calling you names is a turn off, and if you can't have sex with him then what use is he as any sort of partner?

Definitely a cocklodger. I'd be putting him out with the binbags if I were you!

I agree with @redtrain123, if he pays once a month I struggle to see the problem or why you have to go into savings waiting for payment. You could plan on the basis that you are actually receiving payment two weeks early rather than late.

He’s actually costing you the difference between his modest contribution and the market rent for the apartment. Massive cock lodger.

What does he do with his £6.5K/mo that he doesn't have £800 left by the start of the month to pay for himself????
But yes - he does seem to be entitled and ungrateful for the great deal he has with you…

Why are you funding him????

He should be paying a monthly standing order. End of (that) argument.

This, and that needs to include some form of 'rent'.
Calling u stingy is being manipulative and putting the onus on u.
Not sure this relationship will stand the test of time

@redtrain123 @ClockwiseHoneysuckle

• OP gets paid on the last day of August
• all of the bills are set up by direct debit to be paid on 1st September
• he doesn't give her his 50% share until 15th September

He's leaving her short for 2 weeks between the bills being paid on 1st of the month and him coughing the cash on 15th of the month so she's having to dip into her savings.

He should be transferring her money on 1st September from his August pay, not making her go short for 2 weeks.

I wouldn't be putting up with that. Tell him to pay up or sling his hook.

Next time he gets paid, get him to pay £1200. That way it's £800 that he should have paid on the first, which takes him to the end of the month, and £400 for the first 2 weeks of next month. Then when he pays on the 15th of next month he'll be up to date.

Just put the extra £400 he gives you to one side and then you're not being paid in arrears anymore

Better still, get him to do the same next month and you'll be being paid 2 weeks in advance

To be fair, I used to be paid mid-month and it was hugely helpful for me and DH to have money coming in at that point in the month, but our money is pooled and bills were timed around both our pay dates.

He needs to give you a month in advance so you're not waiting for his contribution.

But honestly, someone earning that much making you wait for cash then calling you stingy would make my fanny close up like a clam. Ditch him.

Why do you want such a dubious specimen of humanity in your life?

Is he that good in bed that he deserves to live rent-free?

Get rid.