Should I pay my partner rent?

[isaisa123]

tl;dr: partner owns his property outright and wants me to pay him rent on top of bills etc.

I have recently moved in with my partner of 3 years. He owns his (2 bed) property outright: he bought it with money from a family trust set up for him when he was born. He rents out one bedroom to his friend for £700 / month. We share the other bedroom. He wants me to pay him £350 / month on top of all bills which are split equally three-ways. We also split the cost of any house repairs that need doing.

He says the arrangement will make us both richer -- as I will be paying less than market rent for a similar room.

When we first spoke about finances, before I moved in, he said that the money I saved in rent could be put towards making our lives 'bigger'. When discussing this recently, he said that this was still true, that the money I pay him can go towards his masters course fees for example, and that this will benefit us both long-term.

The amount is small, but I'm not sure how I feel about it in principle. Because he pays no rent or mortgage, I can't see why I should pay him rent. On the other hand I am benefitting hugely - the flat is lovely, we are making a home together, and I am able to save more money than if I were renting on the private market. On the other other hand I am very much sharing his room, and there is not much space in the flat for my things (they are currently in boxes in cupboards / storage)

I also end up doing most of the housework and I worry that if I am giving him money on top of that and on top of bills etc I will become resentful. I'm also not sure what his motivations are for asking me to give him money, since he doesn't really need it.

What do you think?

Are you planning on having children with him?

If the answer is yes, then my advice would be to say no to rent and leave if he continues to insist.

I know the type of a man you are describing. He will screw you financially if you have a child with him.

HONestly, just buy your own house.

So he’s actually making money from you living in his home? The home you’d have no claim on whatsoever if you split up,

And you’re doing all the housework? He’s got it made hasn’t he?

How much was your previous rent?
How much are you saving by cohabiting?
On the one hand, you don't want to be a taker but surely this was all discussed beforehand, and so, if he has reneged on the deal then it is grossly unfair if you've given up a rental.
Long term, will he ever put you on his deeds? Will you sell then buy together and he ring fences all his cash? Will he be a SAHD in that case as you'll be earning to pay your half?!
Lots to think about there.
He's not wrong in charging £350 if the going rate is higher. He is wrong to suggest it now you're ensconced.
And I'd be housecleaning on a rota/3.
Plus repairs should be coming from him for the two of you, if he's your landlord.

I would say that if you are paying rent, then - like a lodger - you expect a bedroom of your own.

I wouldn't pay rent anywhere to be sharing a room/bed with someone else.

A share of the bills seems fair, or pay rent on your own place with your own independence.

He doesn't see you as a partner but somebody to make money from. No way would I move in I'd rather pay full rent for a place and space of my own!

Personally I think it's unfair to charge 'rent' to a partner. Contribute yes, but you're letting a man who's been given a property in all essence and who's getting a passive and healthy income of £700 p/m charge you rent for what? Living in boxes and out of a bag.

Secure your own finances instead of lining his pocket.

Sorry to be so direct.

Nah screw that

He just wants to make money off you

He won't be a man that looks after you/provides for you

Just sees you as a financial opportunity

What was agreed before you moved in? What were you paying before?
In principle it makes sense that you should pay some sort of rent as you live there, but that should have been clearly agreed between you before you moved in. It should also reflect the fact that you're a lodger sharing a room and have no security of tenancy and limited storage.
Whether he "needs" the money or not isn't relevant in my view; it's going to be subjective anyway. But to invite you to move in and then, after the fact, increase the cost, isn't fair.
Would you rather rent your own room elsewhere anyway?

No way

You saw you coming.
A skivvy who shares his room, bed, and pays rent.
He rightly caught you didn't he.
Said one thing to get you in the door, then changed it.
Why are you doing most of the house work?
.....and you pay towards repairs towards HIS house.

Find some self respect, you sound very very vulnerable.
You have allowed him to take huge advantage of you.
Good men do not do this.

You deserve a lot better.

Can you buy your own place? Even if you decide to rent it out?

if you pay him you are just still renting. You won’t get a penny back.

And I bet the lovely trust has the home ringfenced so you will never have any claim to it even after marriage and time.
That aside, if indeed you are a couple and he has zero mortgage how about putting the eqivilant to rent money into your pension planning which will benefit you both if the relationship is long term.
He has no mortgage, your helping as a partner should with bills, his “rent” request is CF territory and very unappealing.

I can see why you'd resent that. Don't have children with him. You can live in his room if you pay for the privilege and clean the house as long as you don't take up too much space. It's not a good deal for you.

When did he mention that he expects you to pay rent and contribute to bills and house repairs? It reads like it was after you move in.

No, non, nein, NIE.

Why not suggest you put the money into savings for your future? If it works out, great, if it goes tits up you'll have savings to start afresh.

Every single woman who posts on here who owns her own home and is moving a boyfriend and asks about charging rent, is given totally different answers. She is told that of course he must pay rent, he doesn’t get to live in her home for free and has to pay half the bills and pay her rent etc.

Astonishing to see the total opposite when the sexes are reversed. Mumsnet really need to get a handle on the double standards in this forum.

I like the idea from a PP that you pay the money into your pension to contribute to your future. If you are together long term that's a tax efficient way he will benefit!

You should absolutely not be paying towards any building work needed.
Rent for being there is tricky. In a similar situation when my partner moved into a home I owned outright, I did want him to pay something rather than saving all his money. Especially as he earned more than me and his children stayed over regularly . We eventually opened a joint account which only he paid into but we could each use to buy nice things for the house - plants , a new sofa, a stereo system. It worked out well, we each felt we were getting a good deal.

This guy owns his house outright from a trust, she's paying bills and maintenance. Plus he's got a tenant.

She's not paying diddly squat, she's contributing. Jesus I'd be made up to have been able to keep my partner housed for free!

Why are you doing most of the cleaning?
So you pay him so he can improve HIS future. Because you have to be realistic. His masters won't benefit you if you split up. His house won't benefit you.
So he is fine . He has money a home and a good education.
You have a bit of a bedroom . Nowhere to put your belongings and the added gift of cleaning up after two other adults .
Does he work? Can he not pay for his own masters?

Really if it's all for both futures you should just say I'm saving all my spare cash towards us buying a bigger house in the future.
And pay your share of the bills

It doesn’t matter how he owns it or who else he charges rent. What matters it that female home owners, who own their homes outright, are told that their partners should 100% be paying them rent and usually get a lecture about men thinking they can live for free and see her as a meal ticket so she needs to toughen up her boundaries and charge rent.

But, reverse the sexes and…

I think rent is fine, everyone pays rent. Repairs however should be paid for by him as the landlord, not split 3 ways with his tenants.

You shouldn't be paying rent and house repairs. If you are renting, the landlord covers the house repairs.
You should be doing max 30% of the housework.
If you are paying for half a room, you should get half the space and storage in it.