Husbands food preferences driving me crazy!

[Jessa85]

Sorry this got long! I'm struggling with my husband and the family meals I make.

He is incredibly fussy or particular... I don't know the best way to describe it so I'll list out what he won't eat -

• no creamy dishes - things like 'marry me' chicken or honey mustard chicken are a no no.
• no sour cream or mayonnaise - would simply refuse something like beef stroganoff
• no chunky vegetable dishes, no salads
• refuses to eat meals with pie or pastries
• won't eat fish
• no stews or soups - hates stews and soups are 'not a meal' apparently
• jacket potatoes will only eat with beans and must have meat on the side
• hates egg dishes so meals like quiche or omelette are out of the question

None of these preferences are allergy related.

We eat the same meals on repeat every week - some pasta variation, some curry variation, some meat and veg variation and I'm at my wits end, It's been 10 years and I'm bored of the same food. I'm craving something different but every time he will say - does it have XYZ in it? why is the veg all chunky? you know I don't like this sort of thing and so on. If he had it his way, we would BBQ meat every night and eat it with the same veg and some form of side dish.

I am a mum and work full-time, I am responsible for most of the housework and all the cooking. I really do not want to be cooking two separate meals everyday, I don't have the time or the energy for that.

I thought about asking him to cook his own meal but then I have the issue of our kids seeing us eating two different things and say well if daddy can have something different why can't I! Which will stress me out even more, I want them to eat a variety of food and not become so regimented like their father.

I really don't know what to do, I've spoken to him about it many times and he said 'I like what I like'... my reply was 'well what about what I like?' he told me I can always cook myself something different. Any advice appreciated, thank you.

UPDATE FROM OP ADDED BY MNHQ: Thank you for all the replies and for all the advice on food. The situation has escalated and I'll add updates on my relationship when possible for those interested in following along with me

He won't be though. He'll do what all men do. Either go back to his mother if she's around, get another women to do the work you did, or unlearn the helplessness and cope just fine.
All these men in careers where they can assimilate complex information and make decisions and manage projects and people are quite capable of learning how a washing machine works.

Yes @ - I also hope you’re ok and enjoying the Easter hols and the sunshine.
Hope very much you’re still feeling strong and your wonderful DDs are ok x

Jessa,
If he ever changes his mind re access to your girls, ask his parents to supervise his contact.
Also are your in-laws likely to keep him up to date on what they are doing? E.g granddaughter won an award at school ect? If so, and they might as a way of getting him to see what he is missing, it might be worth requesting to them that they don't mention anything like that to him as he's made his choice.
If he stays no contact I hope he ends up far enough away that you don't have to worry about bumping in to him in the supermarket.

Also, as a teacher we have alerts on some students' files saying no contact with dad etc. I would recommend you speak to the girls' teachers so they are aware and can do similar. Likewise if the school have his number/ email address get them to remove it or he may still see school reports, attendance etc. Same for any access he might have through school apps.

If your girls say anything about dad missed this or dad missed that, get them to write down in a journal or letters to him. If he ever wants contact in the future he can read all the letters as a start, or else keep them as a reminder to your girls of their own achievements and how they managed just fine without him. I imagine as they get older they might want to track him down for curiosity's sake.

Happy Easter to you all 🐰🐣🥚

Hi, just wanted to pop in and say hello, thank you for all the well-wishes. We had a lovely Easter, spent a few days at Centerparcs which was enjoyed by all 3 of us. Divorce wise, I picked a good solicitor, he is on it! That whole process is slow but progress is being made thankfully. Hope you’re all doing well xx

Ah @Jessa85 that is so good to hear. I also hope you and your girls are enjoying lots of tasty meals.
It must be really tough at times but hope you are enjoying a sense of freedom. You deserve it!

So glad you and the girls are doing well, its a rough ride but you sound in control. Wishing you all the best possible luck

@Jessa85

So glad to hear that things are going well. AND that you have a SHL.

Onwards and upwards

Good to hear your update @Jessa85 - glad you’re ok and the divorce is progressing!!
Am Really pleased for you x

This is a great update to read and I'm glad you and your girls got away for fun laughter and making new memories.
Hurrah for the good lawyer!

I hope yours and the girls relationship with their grandparents is still going well and they are respectful of your boundaries.

Hi Jessa, there another thread going at the moment by a woman who found out her cold, nasty husband was cheating on her. I was thinking about you and your girls and wondering how you were all getting on. I hope life is so much easier for you without the sulky cheater now and that you are all eating lots of delicious meals together!

I've been thinking about you Jessa too. Hope life is looking brighter x

Me too xxx

Hope you and your girls are thriving @Jessa85

Me too. Hope you have been able to stay strong and that you and your girls are living a happy life.

Yes me too @WanderingDreamingSpires I was thinking of @Jessa85 today too when I read that other thread.
i hope you’re ok @Jessa85 and your daughters are happy still xx

Hi everyone, thank you for all your messages to see how we are. Everything has been progressing here, it's been eye opening I tell you 😂I have to laugh or I'll cry! I promise to update you all when all this is behind me.

The girls are doing very well and overall I am too.

I'm so sorry to hear of someone else in my position. I haven't seen the thread you're referring to, if someone could point me in the right direction please I would appreciate it xx

Oh jess nice to here from you, stay strong 💪

Good to hear you and the girls are doing OK!

I’m sure you’re taking it all in your stride. So pleased to hear the girls are doing well.

I'm so glad that you and your children are doing well and I really reallyy hope that your ex-husband gets his comeuppance one day. This is the recent thread that posters are referring to:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5346362-dh-affair-how-do-i-cope-with-family-holiday?page=40&reply=144990865

Thank you so much, I just had a read through her posts, what an absolute fighter! I'm very proud of her. I wanted to comment but unsurprisingly it's full, I hope she holds onto that strength and takes him to the cleaners too! xx

Someone messaged me and pointed me towards your thread - hope you’re doing ok @Jessa85!

Update is we filed for divorce over the weekend, so the sunlit uplands are ahead, although it’s a MASSIVE emotional rollercoaster at the moment!

Glad to see you’re in such a great place after just a couple of months - it gives me lots of hope that it won’t hurt so acutely for too long x

Hi! Its lovely to hear from you.

Well done for getting the divorce going, I know its an awful thing to do but I hope the weight feels a little lighter today. I’ll be honest and say some days are incredibly hard but I’m doing what I can to be strong for myself and my girls. What I will say is that everyday I have got stronger and every hurdle in the divorce is showing me that I made the right choice… I’m happy and though the days will be hard, I know in a few months you’ll be feeling this way too.

Keep your fight and determination, you will get through this. If you ever have a wobble, come here and tell us… one thing I learnt is that there is a whole army of wonderful people here who have got your back!! Xx

Glad to hear you are doing ok, yes its very hard isn't it. and very sad there are numerous threads of other women going through exactly the same thing at the same time. Do you want a laugh?

STBexH had the nerve to say that he though we were a team during a discussion.

Yes we were a team, then you put your penis inside a random man you found on the internet. Of course I was going to get a solicitor you idiot!

How are you doing? @Jessa85