Husbands food preferences driving me crazy!

[Jessa85]

Sorry this got long! I'm struggling with my husband and the family meals I make.

He is incredibly fussy or particular... I don't know the best way to describe it so I'll list out what he won't eat -

• no creamy dishes - things like 'marry me' chicken or honey mustard chicken are a no no.
• no sour cream or mayonnaise - would simply refuse something like beef stroganoff
• no chunky vegetable dishes, no salads
• refuses to eat meals with pie or pastries
• won't eat fish
• no stews or soups - hates stews and soups are 'not a meal' apparently
• jacket potatoes will only eat with beans and must have meat on the side
• hates egg dishes so meals like quiche or omelette are out of the question

None of these preferences are allergy related.

We eat the same meals on repeat every week - some pasta variation, some curry variation, some meat and veg variation and I'm at my wits end, It's been 10 years and I'm bored of the same food. I'm craving something different but every time he will say - does it have XYZ in it? why is the veg all chunky? you know I don't like this sort of thing and so on. If he had it his way, we would BBQ meat every night and eat it with the same veg and some form of side dish.

I am a mum and work full-time, I am responsible for most of the housework and all the cooking. I really do not want to be cooking two separate meals everyday, I don't have the time or the energy for that.

I thought about asking him to cook his own meal but then I have the issue of our kids seeing us eating two different things and say well if daddy can have something different why can't I! Which will stress me out even more, I want them to eat a variety of food and not become so regimented like their father.

I really don't know what to do, I've spoken to him about it many times and he said 'I like what I like'... my reply was 'well what about what I like?' he told me I can always cook myself something different. Any advice appreciated, thank you.

UPDATE FROM OP ADDED BY MNHQ: Thank you for all the replies and for all the advice on food. The situation has escalated and I'll add updates on my relationship when possible for those interested in following along with me

I would buy 14 ready meals that he will eat and then make whatever I wanted for me and the kids

If he doesn't like it he can make something different

Don't worry about the kids seeing something different, just say daddy can't have ours. They'll stop asking if you don't give in

Tell him to cook.

I am a mum and work full-time, I am responsible for most of the housework and all the cooking.
So what does he do?

I thought about asking him to cook his own meal but then I have the issue of our kids seeing us eating two different things and say well if daddy can have something different why can't I! Which will stress me out even more, I want them to eat a variety of food and not become so regimented like their father.

Well, with your current approach, your kids aren’t getting h a varied diet at all. Tell your husband to make his own food, come up with a stock answer for your kids and crack on. Do not be held hostage by his limited palate.

Why do you do all the housework? What’s his justification for this?

As PP, make food that you like and the kids will eat. Batch cook DH's meals and freeze in bulk. Life is too short to miss out on stuff you like because he is so fussy. Ffs.

Cook for yourself and the children and leave him to his own devices.

As others have asked, why are you doing all the cooking anyway?

Well, this is bigger than food preferences. I don't like lamb but my husband loves it. Some nights I cook him a lamb dinner and I'm happy with something easy that night like an omelette, or a quick pasta dish. There are a few dishes that I don't like and I just cook them on nights where I'm not fussed for a big dinner.

But then, he pulls his weight and I'd be lost without all the things he does for our family. I don't resent him.

Also, he should be given part of the housework to do if you're both working. He's not 'helping' you, he's a grown-up with responsibilities, ffs. You aren't the bloody staff. 😡

Nope.
You are working full time and cooking the family meals, so it's on you to provide nutritious varied meals for everybody. Fair enough if he doesn't like creamy sauces, but the rest of that list is crazy. Does he ever do the cooking?
You are in danger of your children developing eating disorders like their dad. Cook what you think is best. If you fancy chunky veg, do it. He can eat it or leave it.

I would compromise by cooking what I want roughly half the time and what he likes the rest of the time. If he comments on the food, just use his own words back at him… “I like what I like”.

The main issue is that (like me) you’re a people pleaser. Maybe listen to some of Mel Robbins’ podcast on the way to work of you can. Her mantra “Let them” is useful. Let him complain. You have just as much right to eat food you like as he does. In fact more so because you’re cooking it!

If it helps, my DH is a meat and veg kind of guy who didn’t like “foreign food” when I met him. I’ve gradually increased the range of foods he’ll eat. He still gets grumpy about vegetarian food, but he knows he can’t really say anything unless he wants to take over meal planning, shopping and cooking.

Yes whst does he do - why isn’t he coming up with ideas or cooking

and I know you said separate foods but surely your kids must want to try other stuff do they have meal ideas you can make for them and just leave him to it

Thank you all. I think batch cooking for him and just being consistent with the kids on eating with me is going to be the best thing.

To answer questions on what he does... well he doesn't do much at all! It's been a long term problem in our relationship because he grew up having to do nothing in the house. We went to therapy last year and things improved but slowly he's slipping into being a lazy bugger again. He's the breadwinner and although I've considered divorce (reason for therapy), I simply don't think I can afford the house by myself. So I'm a bit stuck really. He's a good person, heart of gold but damn lazy and frustrating.

Yes blueberry I am a people pleaser and seem to have made a rod for my own back here.

From Chat GPT

Pasta Dishes (Without Creamy Sauces)

• Tomato-based pasta with beef or lamb mince (can add finely chopped veg for variety)
• Spaghetti aglio e olio with grilled chicken (garlic, olive oil, chili flakes, parmesan)
• Pasta with a harissa or spiced tomato sauce and lamb meatballs

Curry Dishes

• Chicken curry with a tomato-based sauce (e.g., Moroccan tagine, chicken jalfrezi)
• Lamb keema with peas and chapati
• Spiced chicken with turmeric rice and yogurt sauce (on the side for those who want it)

Grilled or BBQ-Style Meals (But With a Twist)

• Grilled lamb kofta with hummus and salad (he can skip the salad)
• BBQ chicken thighs with spiced roasted potatoes and a yogurt dip
• Grilled kebabs with Middle Eastern spices and flatbreads
• Peri-peri chicken with spiced rice and sautéed greens

Meat and Veg Combos

• Stuffed bell peppers (with minced beef and rice, no big veg chunks)
• Bunless burgers with caramelized onions and roasted potatoes
• Beef or lamb steak with Moroccan-style spiced veg on the side

Rice-Based Dishes

• Chicken or lamb biryani (no creamy sauces but full of flavor)
• Jollof rice with grilled chicken
• Spiced beef or lamb pilaf

Mexican-Inspired Dishes (Without Sour Cream)

• Beef or chicken tacos with guacamole and salsa
• Fajitas (he can eat his plain if needed, but you can load yours up with toppings)
• Chili con carne with rice (no beans if he dislikes them)

I genuinely could not be doing with this, it would make me feel so trapped and sad. Anyway, I agree with PPs, drop the rope. Tell the children “Daddy can’t eat what we’re eating” (I view a limited palate as something to be pitied) and stop pandering to him completely. If you wanted, you could occasionally cook something for the whole family that he will eat, but as a rule, crack on and cook normal family meals for you and the kids. He can sort himself out, from shopping to cooking.

Yes my kids ask for certain things they have at school and so I'm actually just going to start cooking them. Sometimes talking to other people makes me realise how ridiculous I am being.

This is genuinely absolutely batshit.

You and your children have been eating boring food which does not cover all the nutrients they need at all just to give a man happy.

Unbelievable.

Food is firstly a genuine pleasure for many many people AND it can give you what you need to thrive.

What are you teaching your children here? We pander to daddy at your own expense.

Batshit.

so glad I'm single

How can you describe him as the breadwinner if you work full time too?

I assume you mean he earns more than you? But so what, you are still working full-time.

Id do fuck all for him.

Cook what you like. If he doesn’t eat it, then he can make something else. If he’s nice in other ways then you could sometimes make what he wants as a treat. He’ll appreciate it more that way.

He can cook his own meals then. If kids want something different, they can also cook their own meals. If they can't do that yet, they will need to eat what is served.
I think it will give them actually a worse example if they see their dad being so incredibly fussy and hearing them complaining about food all the time.

haha - no. Cook what you like to eat, and he can cook what he wants to eat. And if your DC want what he has? then he cooks for them too.

The kids have a varied diet throughout the day and meet all their nutritional needs, it's only dinners we're bored of. But I agree, its ridiculous now I've written it all down

OMG no don't batch cook for the fussy bugger if he doesn't do anything at home anyway! He can cook himself.

Yes sorry, I mean he earns significantly more than me

Agree with @NotbloodyGivingupYet - your husband's eating is disordered. You absolutely do not want your kids eating such a restricted diet and thinking this level odf fussiness is normal and acceptable - or they could go the same way, similarly find mealtimes hard for the rest of their lives and drive their partners potty in turn.

Get your husband to look up orthorexia and to consider his position as an adult role model.

If he really cannot overcome his "preferences* he needs to take over atleast half the catering on the strict understanding that he is to produce healthy nutritionally balanced meals with some variety. The other half of the time you cook something you fance (same rules of course) and he can sort himself out if he won't eat it.

It's not helpful to indulge a 3 year old like this, they risk missing out for the reat of their lives. And your husband is not 3.

Why would you batch cook for him as opposed to telling him to sort out his own food?

You work full time. You do all the housework (which you should be angrier about). Why do you think feeding him is also your job, exactly?

Your options are not just leave him or continue to be a skivvy. There is the option of asserting yourself and not letting him treat you like this.