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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Husbands food preferences driving me crazy!

787 replies

Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 09:31

Sorry this got long! I'm struggling with my husband and the family meals I make.

He is incredibly fussy or particular... I don't know the best way to describe it so I'll list out what he won't eat -

no creamy dishes - things like 'marry me' chicken or honey mustard chicken are a no no.
no sour cream or mayonnaise - would simply refuse something like beef stroganoff
no chunky vegetable dishes, no salads
refuses to eat meals with pie or pastries
won't eat fish
no stews or soups - hates stews and soups are 'not a meal' apparently
jacket potatoes will only eat with beans and must have meat on the side
hates egg dishes so meals like quiche or omelette are out of the question

None of these preferences are allergy related.

We eat the same meals on repeat every week - some pasta variation, some curry variation, some meat and veg variation and I'm at my wits end, It's been 10 years and I'm bored of the same food. I'm craving something different but every time he will say - does it have XYZ in it? why is the veg all chunky? you know I don't like this sort of thing and so on. If he had it his way, we would BBQ meat every night and eat it with the same veg and some form of side dish.

I am a mum and work full-time, I am responsible for most of the housework and all the cooking. I really do not want to be cooking two separate meals everyday, I don't have the time or the energy for that.

I thought about asking him to cook his own meal but then I have the issue of our kids seeing us eating two different things and say well if daddy can have something different why can't I! Which will stress me out even more, I want them to eat a variety of food and not become so regimented like their father.

I really don't know what to do, I've spoken to him about it many times and he said 'I like what I like'... my reply was 'well what about what I like?' he told me I can always cook myself something different. Any advice appreciated, thank you.

UPDATE FROM OP ADDED BY MNHQ: Thank you for all the replies and for all the advice on food. The situation has escalated and I'll add updates on my relationship when possible for those interested in following along with me

OP posts:

Original poster

Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 09:54

DecafDodger · 27/02/2025 09:51

He can cook his own meals then. If kids want something different, they can also cook their own meals. If they can't do that yet, they will need to eat what is served.
I think it will give them actually a worse example if they see their dad being so incredibly fussy and hearing them complaining about food all the time.

Too young to cook for themselves but love to help me cook. They will happily eat what I eat so I've realised now I just need to do that and say sod him...

OP posts:

CurlewKate · 27/02/2025 09:54

@Jessa85 "Yes sorry, I mean he earns significantly more than me"

So he can buy his own ready meals. Sorted.

Brefugee · 27/02/2025 09:54

Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 09:53

Yes sorry, I mean he earns significantly more than me

Show quote history

then he can afford the cleaner and housekeeper when you drop the rope.

AllTheChaos · 27/02/2025 09:55

Op, you need to nip this laziness in the bud. Divide the chores between you, and if he doesn’t do his, you don’t cook his food. He can set reminders in his phone if he wants, to help, but he does not get away with being lazy at home, nor effectively teaching your. Children that work at home is just for women, not men!

crackofdoom · 27/02/2025 09:55

Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 09:53

Yes sorry, I mean he earns significantly more than me

Show quote history

And he earns significantly more than you because you have been hindered by shouldering all the childcare and domestic duties for years.

(Excuse me while I have a little scream about patriarchal oppression)
Aàaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghh
(That's better)

Bumblebeestiltskin · 27/02/2025 09:56

@Jessa85 Yes blueberry I am a people pleaser and seem to have made a rod for my own back here.

It's never too late to change that! He sounds insufferable, I couldn't live with someone so selfish and not pulling their weight (it's not about the food, it's about him being crap in general)

Original poster

Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 09:57

candycane222 · 27/02/2025 09:53

Agree with @NotbloodyGivingupYet - your husband's eating is disordered. You absolutely do not want your kids eating such a restricted diet and thinking this level odf fussiness is normal and acceptable - or they could go the same way, similarly find mealtimes hard for the rest of their lives and drive their partners potty in turn.

Get your husband to look up orthorexia and to consider his position as an adult role model.

If he really cannot overcome his "preferences* he needs to take over atleast half the catering on the strict understanding that he is to produce healthy nutritionally balanced meals with some variety. The other half of the time you cook something you fance (same rules of course) and he can sort himself out if he won't eat it.

It's not helpful to indulge a 3 year old like this, they risk missing out for the reat of their lives. And your husband is not 3.

I think that was the problem, he was pandered too as a child and here we are.

I'll absolutely ask him to look into orthorexia and I have spoken to him before about the precedent he is setting for the kids. Thankfully I've always given them a varied diet through the day since they were babies and it's only dinners that have become monotonous for us.

OP posts:

INeedAnotherName · 27/02/2025 09:58

My DC and I like different foods. I can't have tomato based or spicy foods, but that is what they like. I like rice, they like pasta etc. So for 3-4 days a week we have joint meals such as roasts or jacket potatoes or fish portions, the other days we cook our own meals.

Cook for the whole family for 3-4 days, cook just for you and children on the others. He can either cook for himself or bung a readymeal into the microwave. He'll survive.

And he needs to step up with household chores. You work full time too. It's about the hours, not the money.

rainbowsparkle28 · 27/02/2025 09:58

Stuff you batch cooking for him. He is a grown ass adult and would soon figure something out if he realised otherwise he would go hungry. You cook the meals you want for you and DC and let him get on with it for himself, I wouldn’t be pandering to his fussiness and refusal to do anything around the house. Fine he is fussy, but he can’t expect everyone else to be dictated by his fussiness especially when he does sweet FA. Ridiculous.

Brefugee · 27/02/2025 09:58

Whenever i see a pp say "I'm a people pleaser" i will admit that i often think it's shorthand for "i am scared to rock the boat"

But what message is it sending to your DC? Woman does all the domestic stuff while man has Big Job. And he dictates what gets cooked and eaten. Is that the message you want to send?

I am saying this having seen OPs updates that she is no longer going to do the ridiculous cooking thing, so good for her.

When that is settled and a routine, she needs to address the rest of it :)

YellowRoom · 27/02/2025 09:59

Value yourself! Him earning more doesn't mean you need to be cleaner, nanny and cook on top of your own full-time job. Cook what's right for you and the children - he's an adult, he can sort himself out. He really does sound awful btw - treating you like his personal servant without wants and needs of your own.

Original poster

Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 10:00

AllTheChaos · 27/02/2025 09:55

That was another of my concerns, my daughter is 7 and its hard to explain to her that everyone should help in the house when he is sat on his arse doing naff all. I really don't want my girls growing up thinking this is normal, I've fallen into this trap and sought couples therapy to try and help... he's just slipping back

OP posts:

ForZanyAquaViewer · 27/02/2025 10:00

Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 09:57

I think that was the problem, he was pandered too as a child and here we are.

Show quote history

The majority of our comments, including this one, are stating that he needs to cook for himself. You’re not engaging with that. Why?

arethereanyleftatall · 27/02/2025 10:00

only dinners we're bored of

Very pleased they're getting the nutrients. But food is also about pleasure, the taste. Teaching dc to enjoy it. For ten years you have all been eating his 'I like what I like' food with zero thought to whether the rest of you like it. That is extremely selfish of him.

You are currently sending a really terrible message to your dc op, both with him not doing any chores and only eating the food he likes.

I know I'm writing harshly but from your responses it sounds like you can both take it and need to hear it.

I would - today - cook only for you and your dc, well him too, but if he doesn't want it he can cook for himself and you can have his for lunch tomorrow. Stop doing his laundry. As a household you must stop this sexist pattern else in thirty years time your own dc will be repeating the pattern.

Neveranynamesleft · 27/02/2025 10:01

Stop pandering to him. He is an adult and can choose to eat or not eat whatever he likes but for goodness sake tell him to cook it himself. He obviously has issues around food and you do not want that passing on to your children. Get back to cooking healthy, nutritious food and a varied diet and let him sort himself out.

Gall10 · 27/02/2025 10:01

crackofdoom · 27/02/2025 09:36

Tell him to cook.

Sounds obvious but tell him to cook only for him….you don’t want to be eating what he eats!

Comedycook · 27/02/2025 10:02

You are making way too many excuses for him op.

He's lazy...and it's so disrespectful to you that he expects you to be a full time working woman and also a housewife. His upbringing is irrelevant...he knows exactly what he's doing.

It doesn't matter that he earns more than you....that doesn't buy you extra time around your full time job to carry out chores.

buffyfaithspike · 27/02/2025 10:02

Sounds like he just wants to eat what he really loves
If I did that I would live off pizza and cake, he can't have his absolute favourite foods all the time. I eat stuff that I don't love but will tolerate

Rabssccuttlefissh · 27/02/2025 10:02

Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 09:47

Thank you all. I think batch cooking for him and just being consistent with the kids on eating with me is going to be the best thing.

To answer questions on what he does... well he doesn't do much at all! It's been a long term problem in our relationship because he grew up having to do nothing in the house. We went to therapy last year and things improved but slowly he's slipping into being a lazy bugger again. He's the breadwinner and although I've considered divorce (reason for therapy), I simply don't think I can afford the house by myself. So I'm a bit stuck really. He's a good person, heart of gold but damn lazy and frustrating.

Yes blueberry I am a people pleaser and seem to have made a rod for my own back here.

Honestly what does this man bring to your life? You would be far better off without him, albeit not financially.

I struggled in my first marriage and I stayed because I couldn’t afford to leave. Eventually it got too much and we did split up. Things were so much easier without him. It was like a miracle! And I got a better job, we moved house and it all worked out.

iamnotalemon · 27/02/2025 10:02

How about the CF cooks for you for a change instead of moaning?

arethereanyleftatall · 27/02/2025 10:02

Him earning significantly more than you op doesn't matter in terms of housework split. What matters is the amount of hours you work.

Original poster

Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 10:02

crackofdoom · 27/02/2025 09:55

And he earns significantly more than you because you have been hindered by shouldering all the childcare and domestic duties for years.

(Excuse me while I have a little scream about patriarchal oppression)
Aàaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghh
(That's better)

Show quote history

Can I scream with you please? Yes I was completely hindered, I wouldn't change my kids or the time I took off with them for the world but I do wish there was a way out of this situation. I'm everything to everyone and I'm tired. Unfortunately for me, unless he changes my situation will not change.

OP posts:

Fraaances · 27/02/2025 10:03

Let him cook for himself, FFS. When he sees you eating Marry Me Chicken and complains you can say “I like what I like…”

Original poster

Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 10:04

Bumblebeestiltskin · 27/02/2025 09:56

@Jessa85 Yes blueberry I am a people pleaser and seem to have made a rod for my own back here.

It's never too late to change that! He sounds insufferable, I couldn't live with someone so selfish and not pulling their weight (it's not about the food, it's about him being crap in general)

Completely right, this is about more than the food. I'm struggling

OP posts:

Rabssccuttlefissh · 27/02/2025 10:04

Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 10:02

Show quote history

He won’t change. You can only change yourself.

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