Page 29 | Husbands food preferences driving me crazy!

Jessa85 · 2025-02-27T09:31:18+00:00

Sorry this got long! I'm struggling with my husband and the family meals I make. He is incredibly fussy or particular... I don't know the best way to describe it so I'll list out what he won't eat - - no creamy dishes - things like 'marry me' chicken or honey mustard chicken are a no no. - no sour cream or mayonnaise - would simply refuse something like beef stroganoff - no chunky vegetable dishes, no salads - refuses to eat meals with pie or pastries - won't eat fish - no stews or soups - hates stews and soups are 'not a meal' apparently - jacket potatoes will only eat with beans and must have meat on the side - hates egg dishes so meals like quiche or omelette are out of the question None of these preferences are allergy related. We eat the same meals on repeat every week - some pasta variation, some curry variation, some meat and veg variation and I'm at my wits end, It's been 10 years and I'm bored of the same food. I'm craving something different but every time he will say - does it have XYZ in it? why is the veg all chunky? you know I don't like this sort of thing and so on. If he had it his way, we would BBQ meat every night and eat it with the same veg and some form of side dish. I am a mum and work full-time, I am responsible for most of the housework and all the cooking. I really do not want to be cooking two separate meals everyday, I don't have the time or the energy for that. I thought about asking him to cook his own meal but then I have the issue of our kids seeing us eating two different things and say well if daddy can have something different why can't I! Which will stress me out even more, I want them to eat a variety of food and not become so regimented like their father. I really don't know what to do, I've spoken to him about it many times and he said 'I like what I like'... my reply was 'well what about what I like?' he told me I can always cook myself something different. Any advice appreciated, thank you. UPDATE FROM OP ADDED BY MNHQ: **Thank you for all the replies and for all the advice on food. The situation has escalated and I'll add updates on my relationship when possible for those interested in following along with me**

thepariscrimefiles · 05/04/2025 14:45

Dawnchorussinging · 05/04/2025 14:27

I agree it's incomprehensible.
My sisters H walked out on his first wife and set up home with my sister. He not only never had any contact with their children at all he deliberately didn't work so he wouldn't have to make maintenance payments.
Absolutely horrible man.

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Doesn't your sister encourage him to see his children or is she happy that he doesn't bother?

Does she have kids with him? He sounds like an utter arsehole of a man. What on earth does your sister see in him?

Dawnchorussinging · 05/04/2025 15:03

@thepariscrimefiles
Well he's dead now.
He was an arsehole of a man on every level.
She always said she wanted him to have contact with the children of his first marriage.. But reality was he always just did what he wanted and she just accepted the awful way he treated his first family and her.. It's unbelievable what he got away with but his lifestyle caught up with him eventually.
He was a disgusting unashamed misogynist. He had 4 daughters in total. And thank goodness he never had a son - much to his disappointment- because I can only imagine what he would have made sure to teach him.

fourquenelles · 05/04/2025 16:39

Just to add to the tales of useless cunts in the hope that one day these men will be forced to stand up to their responsibilities. My grandson hasn't seen his father for 3 years. He walked away from him and his other biological son to take up with a woman with three children of her own. He told his eldest son that he couldn't see him anymore as the three children didn't have a father so he needed to be it for them. He completely missed the irony of having 2 boys related by blood that also now didn't have a father!

My DD went through a very hard time last year with SS involvement. They approached him and he told them never to contact him again. So they didn't. They dragged my DD over the coals and through Family Court (deserved at the time) but let him off scot free. Why is this allowed? My DD is through the other side now, clean, sober, advocating for my DGS (diagnosed ADHD C) and both she and my DGS are doing extremely well. I am so proud of her. Him, well he can rot.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 07/04/2025 11:23

So sorry about your latest update @Jessa85

I would show the parents the email. Not even out of spite but so he can’t ever spin it back on you. Tell them despite what he says. You are always open to them having a relationship with them and even their father.

SillySeal · 07/04/2025 12:04

Dawnchorussinging · 05/04/2025 14:27

I agree it's incomprehensible.
My sisters H walked out on his first wife and set up home with my sister. He not only never had any contact with their children at all he deliberately didn't work so he wouldn't have to make maintenance payments.
Absolutely horrible man.

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That's absolutely awful! What on earth does your sister see in a man like that? I can't understand what some women see in men when they know what he has done to others.

Original poster

Jessa85 · 07/04/2025 16:17

Hi, sorry just catching up on all the messages. Thank you for all the love and support.

Had a lovely but very busy weekend, the girls are now off for the Easter hols so I've got a couple of weeks off of work. We're off on a little UK trip later in the week, we can't wait!

I'll pop back in soon and say hi xx

OP posts:

WavyRavey · 07/04/2025 18:38

I read this whole thing today and the other thread and goodness me well done you! The other woman is gonna feel like a sore loser very soon.

ThisFluentBiscuit · 08/04/2025 00:26

OP, I may be clutching at straws here, but is it possible that he thinks you and he can just work out custody and visitation between yourselves and he doesn't realise that these things should be part of the official divorce agreement? Maybe not instructing his lawyer to deal with this doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't want to see the girls?

Before you go any further, I think you should clarify what he really means by not instructing his lawyer to ask for custody or visitation. He might literally just mean he is not instructing his lawyer to deal with that. Maybe he thinks you can save money by working the kid stuff out yourselves.

Codlingmoths · 08/04/2025 00:37

ThisFluentBiscuit · 08/04/2025 00:26

OP, I may be clutching at straws here, but is it possible that he thinks you and he can just work out custody and visitation between yourselves and he doesn't realise that these things should be part of the official divorce agreement? Maybe not instructing his lawyer to deal with this doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't want to see the girls?

Before you go any further, I think you should clarify what he really means by not instructing his lawyer to ask for custody or visitation. He might literally just mean he is not instructing his lawyer to deal with that. Maybe he thinks you can save money by working the kid stuff out yourselves.

Edited

I doubt it. He’s just that kind of man .

ThisFluentBiscuit · 08/04/2025 01:00

Codlingmoths · 08/04/2025 00:37

I doubt it. He’s just that kind of man .

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Probably, but I still think OP should get clarification.

Finding it very hard to get my head around a dad not wanting to see his own children that he's spent years living with and bringing up, until recently. I mean, isn't he attached to them?! How can he not be attached to them? Then again, it's not like he's been phoning them, is it.

He must be a psychopath to be able to not see or speak with his own children.

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/04/2025 01:32

Enjoy Easter with the kids. Eat exotic and wacky chocolate 🍫

mathanxiety · 08/04/2025 01:57

0ctavia · 04/04/2025 10:10

I can understand why you are so upset and hurt for your children. It’s hard to understand because the person you thought he was would never have acted like this. So you realise that you never knew him it all.

So it’s not just that you are facing a new future, one you didn’t plan for. You are also re evaluating your past. It feels like nothing was ever real.

That’s so devastating.

I understand you are trying to get your husband to have at least some contact with his children. But I’d caution you against agreeing to make that on their birthdays or even Christmas . Because if doesn’t happen ( as it probably won’t ) it will spoil these special days for them . You need to be free to make these fun days for them without any regards to him and his schedule / demands.

You can’t give him the power to control whether or not they have a good birthday.

If he’s going to have face to face contact ( or even just a zoom call) chose a random other regular date and time. Such asa zoom call on the 10th of every month at 4pm. Or face to face visits on the first Sunday of every month from 12-3pm.

Try to get any contact as structured as possible, for the sake of your children. Uncertainly is the hardest thing for them to deal with, as they will always be hoping and waiting.

My children have now accepted that their father wants little to do with them, except when he needs them to attend a family event to make him look good. I don’t mean it’s easy for them , they have had counselling etc to help them deal with it .

But now they know it’s about HIM and who he is and not about THEM. It’s not their fault, it’s just that he is a shit father who doesn’t have the ability to see them as real people , they are just walk on actors in his show. They don’t exist for him the rest of the time.

Yes that’s tough to accept. But it’s a hell of a lot easier than spending your life trying to force someone who doesn’t love you to love you .

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@Jessa85
These are incredibly wise words.

Original poster

Jessa85 · 08/04/2025 07:11

ThisFluentBiscuit · 08/04/2025 00:26

OP, I may be clutching at straws here, but is it possible that he thinks you and he can just work out custody and visitation between yourselves and he doesn't realise that these things should be part of the official divorce agreement? Maybe not instructing his lawyer to deal with this doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't want to see the girls?

Before you go any further, I think you should clarify what he really means by not instructing his lawyer to ask for custody or visitation. He might literally just mean he is not instructing his lawyer to deal with that. Maybe he thinks you can save money by working the kid stuff out yourselves.

Edited

Unfortunately he was explicitly clear. I can’t bring myself to share what he said but it hurt and still hurts a lot.

OP posts:

MattCauthon · 08/04/2025 07:40

ThisFluentBiscuit · 08/04/2025 01:00

Probably, but I still think OP should get clarification.

Finding it very hard to get my head around a dad not wanting to see his own children that he's spent years living with and bringing up, until recently. I mean, isn't he attached to them?! How can he not be attached to them? Then again, it's not like he's been phoning them, is it.

He must be a psychopath to be able to not see or speak with his own children.

Edited

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You have read her entire thread and you think she just needs to clarify things?! Its very clear you have never seen this in real life but trust me, it's all too common.

My theory is that even when men "love" their children, many of them.never really feel responsible for them and resent the time and effort bringing them up entails. Walking away is easy for them. Sometimes they even convince themselves it's better for the dc. Sometimes that they are the victim.

YourWinter · 08/04/2025 15:23

Too many fathers manage to detach, partially or completely.

My DGS is 8, parents split before his 2nd birthday. His dad was living 10 mins away but has moved in with his GF, 30 mins away, she doesn’t have kids.

Has been EOW, and alternate Weds or Weds-Thurs nights, his father says it’s too disruptive and he’s dropping to just EOW, but might visit midweek. And is withholding child support until DD agrees. All adults work full time, but school holiday cover is DD’s to sort, because he’s “not a f*cking babysitter”.

These men won’t ever understand what they’ve done.

ThisFluentBiscuit · 08/04/2025 16:07

MattCauthon · 08/04/2025 07:40

You have read her entire thread and you think she just needs to clarify things?! Its very clear you have never seen this in real life but trust me, it's all too common.

My theory is that even when men "love" their children, many of them.never really feel responsible for them and resent the time and effort bringing them up entails. Walking away is easy for them. Sometimes they even convince themselves it's better for the dc. Sometimes that they are the victim.

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No, I don't think she needs to clarify things after reading the whole thread. Things are clear enough. What I said was that she should clarify her husband's intentions about seeing the kids. In her shoes, I'd need to ask something along the lines of "You haven't asked for custody or visitation. Do you really never want to see them again? Like, never?" etc. Because, as I said, it could be just that he thinks they don't need lawyers to work out child stuff. This is an EXTREMELY important point that I, in OP's shoes, would be seeking to clarify asap, if only through sheer disbelief.

ThisFluentBiscuit · 08/04/2025 16:09

YourWinter · 08/04/2025 15:23

Too many fathers manage to detach, partially or completely.

My DGS is 8, parents split before his 2nd birthday. His dad was living 10 mins away but has moved in with his GF, 30 mins away, she doesn’t have kids.

Has been EOW, and alternate Weds or Weds-Thurs nights, his father says it’s too disruptive and he’s dropping to just EOW, but might visit midweek. And is withholding child support until DD agrees. All adults work full time, but school holiday cover is DD’s to sort, because he’s “not a f*cking babysitter”.

These men won’t ever understand what they’ve done.

Christ almighty. Yeah, I know fathers do leave their kids all the time, but what I don't get is how they could do that. No explanation makes sense to me.

There must be a lot of regretful old men out there.

AcrossthePond55 · 08/04/2025 17:58

Jessa85 · 08/04/2025 07:11

Unfortunately he was explicitly clear. I can’t bring myself to share what he said but it hurt and still hurts a lot.

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I'm so sorry he's such a bastard. But he will pay eventually. No one knows where, no one knows how, but he will pay.

Amid the hurt, let his words serve as a reminder that he is not worth one more minute of your time. As my old Grandad would say "He's not worth the powder it would take to blow him to Hell".

bigboykitty · 08/04/2025 18:36

I hope you don't mind me saying this, @Jessa85 , but as much as it hurts you now that he is choosing not to see your DDs, there will definitely come a day that you are much happier in your life and actually relieved that they don't have to deal with this narcissistic prick any more and neither do you. He's just an awful human being. I think, based on what's happened already and their secure relationship with you, they can see what a horrible human he is. They will be well loved and well cared for. Men like this bring nothing to the table. He's toxic and his absence is a gift. I know it won't feel like this now.

Goldbar · 08/04/2025 18:45

He didn't deserve you and he doesn't deserve your beautiful DC 💐. He may or may not realise the value of what he has lost one day, but happily that's not your concern anymore except insofar as it affects the girls. They have a wonderful, strong mother, they'll be fine. I just hope for all your sakes that he behaves reasonably and doesn't try to shoehorn his way back into their lives expecting instant adoration when he realises what he's lost.

LivelyHare · 09/04/2025 11:48

Just caught up with everything @Jessa85 and I really think we have come full circle. He wants nothing to do with the girls because it was initially their fault that he could no longer set the menu, which led to that argument about him contributing more, which in turn led to you kicking him to kerb. It was all their fault, you see.

I love your daughters ❤️

Scottishskifun · 09/04/2025 13:49

I hope your having a amazing time in the holidays with your girls @Jessa85 enjoying the sun and feeling a bit lighter (sun does wonders for how people can feel).

I know it still rings in your ears and hurts but your absolutely doing right by your girls. His own parents are horrified at his actions (even before the email). Long run the person missing out will be him. Your bond with your girls will become even greater and you would have all escaped years of narcissistic behaviour.

Hope your having a well earned glass a fizz and enjoying all the cuddles.

TerrysCIockworkOrange · 16/04/2025 18:45

I’ve not checked in for a while but you popped into my head @Jessa85 and I cannot believe your shitty ex is cutting his own children off so callously. Or maybe I can, because that is exactly the pathetic type of person he’s proved himself to be.
i hope you and the girls are having the best Easter break together, you absolutely deserve all the wonderful things

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 16/04/2025 19:05

Wishing you and your girls a Happy Easter @Jessa85

lizzielizard · 17/04/2025 07:58

Hi @Jessa85 just checking in that you and the girls are OK and that you still feel in control. Also, hoping that their useless father has come to his senses and asked to see the girls. I still can't believe he doesn't want to see them. The only explanation is he's ashamed of his behaviour and can't look into their innocent eyes which makes him a coward or he's a cold hearted self centred bastard. Neither is great huh? His parents must be so ashamed of him.