Ghosted & maid of honour in 3 days

[Petalroseblue]

Hi all, I have been ghosted by a man who I was in a relationship with for 18 months.
I am in shock and utterly heartbroken.
It came completely out of the blue.
We had a fantastic relationship ( or so I thought) the last time I saw him things were good & he even booked a nice weekend away for the both of us.
It was a serious relationship. Saw each other regularly, met each other's families etc.

I am absolutely broken
I can't eat or sleep
I cannot focus. I almost hit my car today and I took the wrong turning twice.
I am either sat frozen with a painful heart looking into space or moving continually.
My heart is racing constantly & my stomach is churning and I feel absolutely dreadful.
I am going through the motions at home with my two teen and pre teen children as to try not to upset them but they can see I am not myself.

To top all of this off It is one of my best childhood friends wedding in 3 days and I am not only a bridesmaid but maid of honour.
I have duties. I have 2 readings to do. I am sat at the top table with her , her husband , parents and there will be an empty space where my partner was suppose to be sitting.

I'm in such a horrible position as I do not wnat to make her day about me so I have lied to her and told her that her has the flu.

I can tell her after , the next few days is about her. That's not the problem .

I'm just struggling to see how I can get through the wedding day.
I can barely shower and walk my dog.

I was so excited about my friends wedding.
What he has done has ruined this for me

Please help me I need some advice something to hold onto and something to keep me strong, I am in such a state and I am broken 💔

I would practice those readings out loud to any adult or teen who can listen. Read them till they're boring and mundane and you're used to hearing yourself saying the words.

Oh that’s awful. I’m a big believer in fake it til you make it. For the daytime until your friend gets there at least, pretend you’re happy and “oh what a shame he’s ill” and almost try and trick yourself. Hopefully you’ll get caught up in the busy morning preparations to distract you.

Get angry. What a turd.

this—don’t drink, but see if you can get something to take the edge off. this guy is an absolute low life. you will be better soon, but as a normal functional woman of course you are in shock

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

After 18 months I think I would be turning up at his house, or sending a friend on my behalf, to ask what the fuck was going on. Or perhaps at his work.

What a bastard.

You need to tell your friend whose wedding it is though - she might not have to pay or might be able to invite someone his place, no-shows on the day are awful.

Have you thought about going to his house?

That’s what I would be doing

How dare

It is odd behaviour but men do this everyday. When it happened to me I posted on another forum and I couldn’t believe how common it was. Under this post there is multiple similar suggested posts which shows how cowardly they are.

I would block him too as he is likely to crawl back in the next couple of weeks as they usually pull the mental health card or tell you they had a lot on.

At least read OPs posts, the bride already knows and is looking to fill the place with a relative

What a cunt x

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've been there too and really feel for you. mine was in the days before ghosting was even a thing. Men never change though-some have always been and will always be cowards.

I hope you enjoy your friend's wedding as much as you can in your circs. You sound brave and I'm sure you will be able to move forward in time.

I’m so sorry. What an absolute cowardly wanker. He’s probably married and been found out.

Oh no please don't do this.

I did this some 25 years ago before ghosting was a 'thing' I was told have you no dignity or self respect. did you not get the message.

even saying it now it makes me cringe

The bride doesn’t know. She’s been told he’s not coming because he’s sick. That’s why they’re filling his place. It’s another friend that knows the truth.

I definitely will not be going to his house. Besides he lives in an apartment building and I really do not want to be pushing a buzzer , humiliating myself for him to not even answer or come outside, it would be awful 😕

Drink lots of water, herbal tea, soup..

Avoid foods that will the panic and emotional feelings, ie avoid sugar!!

Nourish your body with vegetable juice if you can get it.. have an epsom salt and lavender bath.

Every time your thoughts shift to him, remind yourself that you do not have to think about that right now and allow the thoughts to float away, bring your attention back to your breathing, some affirmations or the task that you are doing.... one breath at a time, you can do this.

Go to that wedding with an open mind, a gorgeous friend of mine split with her ex just before her besties wedding. She met a mutual friend at the wedding and is now married and pregnant and vv happy. You just never know xxx

I would not let this wanker ruin my enjoyment of my best friend's wedding. You've known her all your life and him for only 18 months. It's devasting right now but in the grand scheme of your life he's just a tiny blip.
So get angry and then have the best time at the wedding to spite him.
I'm sure you'll be having hair and make up and wearing a beautiful dress so enjoy it and enjoy looking absolutely gorgeous.
And enjoy being surrounding by a whole load of people who also love your friend.
Lots of suggestions from other people about things to eat and drink to help you get through.
If you can try to banish all thoughts of him all day. I know that is hard to do but the moment a thought about him pops into your head park it straightaway and say to yourself that you'll come back to it the day after the wedding. Distract yourself immediately.
Keep busy all day and don't have any downtime.

And then when it's over you can collapse in a heap and start to process what has happened.

Oh gosh this is so awful, I'm so sorry @Petalroseblue The only advice I have is to absolutely tell your friend! She loves you dearly and if this was my MOH I would have been devastated to think she was going through this while I was blissfully unaware and having the time of my life. You can be honest and not have it affect the day (for her and for you). There's still time, I think you'll feel so much better for doing so. Sending hugs x

What an absolute tosser. I bet my bottom dollar the slimy twat will be back in touch within a few weeks - tell him to fuck off to the far side of fucks town when he does.

No, she shouldn't bother the bride.

It's not like her marriage of 20 years is breaking up or her parents died; it's a boyfriend of 18 months. Sad and cruel of him but not a major life tragedy. Please don't lay this on the bride, blighting her happy day.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/3800477-Dumped-by-text?flipped=1&page=1

here you go @Petalroseblue the running in the rain classic thread Recommended earlier.

I recommend CBD oil & drinks just to take the edge off.

It happened to me years ago too and turned out he was married. Was utterly bonkers. He had a totally life I was unaware of. I only found out when he got back in touch last year to apologise… over 4 years later.

At least that poster got told they were dumped.