Ghosted & maid of honour in 3 days

[Petalroseblue]

Hi all, I have been ghosted by a man who I was in a relationship with for 18 months.
I am in shock and utterly heartbroken.
It came completely out of the blue.
We had a fantastic relationship ( or so I thought) the last time I saw him things were good & he even booked a nice weekend away for the both of us.
It was a serious relationship. Saw each other regularly, met each other's families etc.

I am absolutely broken
I can't eat or sleep
I cannot focus. I almost hit my car today and I took the wrong turning twice.
I am either sat frozen with a painful heart looking into space or moving continually.
My heart is racing constantly & my stomach is churning and I feel absolutely dreadful.
I am going through the motions at home with my two teen and pre teen children as to try not to upset them but they can see I am not myself.

To top all of this off It is one of my best childhood friends wedding in 3 days and I am not only a bridesmaid but maid of honour.
I have duties. I have 2 readings to do. I am sat at the top table with her , her husband , parents and there will be an empty space where my partner was suppose to be sitting.

I'm in such a horrible position as I do not wnat to make her day about me so I have lied to her and told her that her has the flu.

I can tell her after , the next few days is about her. That's not the problem .

I'm just struggling to see how I can get through the wedding day.
I can barely shower and walk my dog.

I was so excited about my friends wedding.
What he has done has ruined this for me

Please help me I need some advice something to hold onto and something to keep me strong, I am in such a state and I am broken 💔

Have you been to his home or work to confront him?

18 months is a long time to just ghost someone without an explanation!

Avoid diazepam. Limit your alcohol at the wedding and in the meantime make sure you are eating, drinking plenty of water and if you can’t sleep just rest.

Oh @Petalroseblue sending you a massive hug💐

What an arsehole and coward to do something this cruel and spineless. This will be a blessing in disguise down the line, he’s obviously not mature enough for a healthy relationship.

Anyway, as for the wedding day and MOH duties. Please tell the bride the truth. It might make you feel a bit better for getting it off your chest. If she’s a real friend, she’ll be understanding and will want to help get you through this difficult time. Also, she’ll also be aware incase you need to go to a quiet space or the loo to have a breather and compose yourself.

The best thing to do before the wedding is keep busy. Obviously easier said than done when you have kids. But please try and keep your mind and body occupied. Apparently Tetris is a good game to play after something traumatic. Try colouring, baking, something to do with your hands. Stay away from social media. Don’t check up on his social media etc. (I’d be tempted to block him back myself, to stop him come crawling back with excuses months down the line. But you can focus on that after the wedding).

Hopefully the nerves and excitement of the wedding day will keep you mind elsewhere. Will you and the bride be getting ready together in the morning? Do you have hair and makeup artists coming? If so, why don’t you put together a playlist of happy and uplifting music to have playing whilst you’re all getting ready.

Also, I’d be tempted to ask staff on the day to remove the chair that was intended for the arsehole. Having an empty chair beside you could be quite upsetting.

Anyway, I feel like I’m rambling - I’m so sorry you’re in the situation and sending you best wishes and strength to get through these horrible next few days. It really is a blur. But I promise things will get better x

Remember that although you know he isn't there, I think because you have told your friend then she can let the venue know and they will space everyone else out at the table so it won't appear empty.

It will be a hard day but just focus on what you are doing when you are doing it and you will get through it. Once your other friend arrives in the evening, you will relax more and might even enjoy some of it.

Thanks to all of you for such supportive & helpful words. I can't reply to you all individually. I have decided that I am not going to drink, atleast until later on in the day when all my duties have been completed and my other friend will be coming. I'm concerned I may get emotional after a drink.
I haven't been to his home as I know I have been ghosted.

@Petalroseblue did you actually have an argument before he vanished from the face of the earth or did he just stop answering messages or phone calls for no apparent reason??

@relaxaholic
I will join you 🪄

No arguments at all. We had been messaging like usual . General chit chat and making plans for the next time we see each other ( which would have been yesterday) he had even msg I love you lots ❤️ can't wait to see you. Then a couple of days after that he seemed to go quiet , I then asked are u OK? I'm just checking all is alright, he read and ignored. I tried calling it went straight to voicemail. I then carried on with my day as I had a really busy day at work. Came home made dinner. Went to msg him to see if he was alive amd realised I was ghosted on everything 🥺

Don't go for the diazepam yet. See how you get on with the rescue remedy and open up to your friends and get support.
And never let him back. You know you cannot trust him.

What a shock; sorry you are going through this.

Resolve to yourself that he will NOT have that much power over you. You can and will make it through the wedding with happiness and joy for your friend. Don't give him the power to ruin that.

Tell yourself you will deal with your relationship after this weekend. It's only a few days; nothing is going to change either way. He can't rob you of what could be a nice experience.

Another one who is so sorry this has happened to you, OP. What a coward. Is there a chance he was married/seeing someone else, and he's been 'found out'?

No matter the reason, it's awful.

I second telling the bride. You are obviously really important to her and you don't need to ask her for any of her attention or brain space. Would you be able to send the bride a really quick text along the lines pof

Ok. I need to be honest with you - XX has ghosted me - blocked me on everything. I actually cannot believe this is happening and I'm devastated. I want to reassure you that I will 100 percent be there for you in every way on Saturday and still so excited and honoured to be your MOH. The only reason I am telling you is that I don't want to talk about him or lie to you about him on the day. And i might need to compose myself a couple of times! Love you loads x

Ghosting is a cowardly thing to do and his timing makes it doubly cruel.

I think it is one of those situations where you have to imagine yourself in 5 years and looking back. How do you want to reflect on the day? I am sure you want to remember the day as a celebration for your dear friend and want to admire how you found the strength to shelve those feelings of raw hurt - the photos will reflect your strength. It can be a day where you are surrounded by people who love and care for one another. A cruel coward has no place at your dear friend's wedding and he certainly doesn't deserve place next to her amazing MOH. xx

Has he been freaking out about the wedding?

No not at all

I’m so sorry this happened to you, OP. what a loser and a coward :(

do you think it would help your process to go to his home and wait for him? Maybe next week after the wedding? Perhaps you could take a friend to wait for you in the car, for moral support?

It doesn’t feel right that he can simply disappear, people need to be held accountable for their actions.

re the wedding - avoid alcohol if you can, you’ll just feel even more exhausted and headachey!

Agree with @Waisted
5mg diazepam should help calm you down, or even 2.5mg (but this small dose didn't touch the sides for me). It's usually extremely difficult to get prescribed but very, very effective for short term extreme distress. Sorry this has happened to you-I know the feeling of being almost delirious on extreme emotion, but have to say I have recovered from this type of thing more than once in my life and now in my mid 50's have never been happier. Alone! You will get there.

Thanks for this. He was no way married. I mate his children and ex when she dropped kids off they broke up amicably, she is with someone else and we had all been introduced and got on

Nooooo. Don't lay this on the bride. The "flu" is all she needs to know until this weekend is over.

Agree. The bride doesn’t need to be worried about you all day. Tell someone if you must, but not the bride.

Tell yourself he has the flu. Believe it. Put it to the back of your mind. Focus on your beautiful friend who is getting married and needs you. You can crash afterwards by all means. You’ve got this.

I think I'd ask the police for a welfare check just to be sure. That's fairly odd behaviour.

Could it be something unrelated to you? Any mental health history? Is his work going ok? Some people just close themselves off when dealing with a crisis of some sort.

If I was the bride and you were my best friend it wouldn't cross my mind to think you were trying to make the day about you or lay anything on me- I would want to know so I could help support you and make the day easier.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you OP.

How absolutely horrible of him. It must be such a shock. I had a wedding cancelled many years ago. I remember that feeling, like I’d been punched and the bottom of my world had fallen out. I know you’re feeling, and have a lot to do, but look after yourself- make sure you’re eating. Even smoothies or scrambled egg. I found I craved melon, it was all I wanted.

id say tell the bride. She loves you, she’d want to know. You’re not going to spoil her day, but she, and the wedding party, can keep an eye on you. Swap someone for the reading if they need to. One piece of advice- read the reading so many times that it doesn’t have any emotion to you. I did that with my dad’s eulogy, and I got through it.

I hope you can find joy in this wedding with your friends. Love ok at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that this guy is not going to ruin this weekend for you.

I went to the doctor and got sleeping tablets, just so my mind switched off at night. They did also give me tablets for daytime but I didn’t need them. Sleeping tablets for a couple of weeks were good - just to get my strength up again.

Big hugs to you. Keep putting one foot in front of another. You will get over this. One day in the future you will think it’s a lucky escape. Who wants to be with someone who can pull a stunt like this.

So sorry. What an awful shock.

Three more days is a bit of time for the shock to wear off some more, though. You'll probably feel a little bit better by then. The wedding might even take your mind off it for a few hours. I wouldn't drink at the reception though, just in case. Best wishes.