Ghosted & maid of honour in 3 days

[Petalroseblue]

Hi all, I have been ghosted by a man who I was in a relationship with for 18 months.
I am in shock and utterly heartbroken.
It came completely out of the blue.
We had a fantastic relationship ( or so I thought) the last time I saw him things were good & he even booked a nice weekend away for the both of us.
It was a serious relationship. Saw each other regularly, met each other's families etc.

I am absolutely broken
I can't eat or sleep
I cannot focus. I almost hit my car today and I took the wrong turning twice.
I am either sat frozen with a painful heart looking into space or moving continually.
My heart is racing constantly & my stomach is churning and I feel absolutely dreadful.
I am going through the motions at home with my two teen and pre teen children as to try not to upset them but they can see I am not myself.

To top all of this off It is one of my best childhood friends wedding in 3 days and I am not only a bridesmaid but maid of honour.
I have duties. I have 2 readings to do. I am sat at the top table with her , her husband , parents and there will be an empty space where my partner was suppose to be sitting.

I'm in such a horrible position as I do not wnat to make her day about me so I have lied to her and told her that her has the flu.

I can tell her after , the next few days is about her. That's not the problem .

I'm just struggling to see how I can get through the wedding day.
I can barely shower and walk my dog.

I was so excited about my friends wedding.
What he has done has ruined this for me

Please help me I need some advice something to hold onto and something to keep me strong, I am in such a state and I am broken 💔

No, he doesn't have to invite her in for a chat, and she shouldn't indulge him if he does. He just has to see her cool fury, and shrivel. It worked for me.

Obviously you have to corner him somewhere he can't hide. Not stand outside his flat ringing the bell while he ignores you.

I wouldn’t actually camp but I would go early and wait in my car for him to leave for work for example. I would probably also call his work if that failed! And that is the sort of behaviour that leads to strongly worded suggestions from the police to stay away, and all your friends and family thinking that you’ve gone insane and need an intervention.

Decades or not, that doesn't negate the pain the op will be feeling.

18 months is enough time to feel heartbreak for sure.

To the op, you sound like a beautiful hearted person. This man doesn't deserve you or your heart. It's horrible feeling like this I know. And kudos to you still going to your friend's wedding. That takes a strength for sure.

You are obviously a good friend and I hope the rest of this year is kinder to you. 💜💜💜

I’m not sure that’s the brag you think it is.

Agree. It's not dignified to give a man like that a second of your energy or to show that he's hurt you. He isn't worth it.

Hold your head up high and remain silent. If he unblocks you keep that silence.

It angers me that they get away with it but they would never give the true reason.

What are the police going to say? He hasn't even dumped her. What is he going to say to the police, "I stopped replying to my girlfriend's messages out of the blue, and she came round to check on me, and I was actually trying to quietly dump her, so can you please tell her to go away and leave me alone, so that I don't have to?'. He can't get the police to dump her for him! He should have used his words if he wanted a clear ending. You're making it sound like we're telling her to go round and make a tremendous scene - why would it be a scene?

Tbh I don't care what you think about it - I'm happy with it, and all is fine. No police were called, I can assure you. I just stood up for myself and used my words, none of which were even swear ones. I still have to deal with the guy in a different capacity, and believe me he behaves.

I meant the bride knows he isn't coming, the post i was referring to was telling the OP to let the bride know he wasn't coming so she can fill the space. OP had already told the bride he wasn't coming

I'm so sorry OP - what a shitty shitty thing to happen.

My advice - as well as looking after yourself at the wedding, please make sure that you have nice / comforting things planned for when you come home. However the wedding goes, it's likely to be very emotional and intense for you and there's a strong chance you'll crash after, just from the adrenaline drop if nothing else.

So - before you leave for the wedding, have your house/flat cleaned, fresh linens on the bed waiting for you, fridge full of nice food, and so on. Can you book in friends/family now to come and be with you in the immediate days after the event?

Hardly a police matter ! He hasn’t actually even ended the relationship yet!

I am explaining what I would personally do, we are all different. I would not be able to leave it being blocked after 18m.

God what a spineless little shit he is.

I fell in love very quickly with my current boyfriend and I would have also been heartbroken after 18 months. It's a long time, especially when you have met eachother families, told eachother you love eachother etc. it's almost hard to believe he has done this. You will be okay and one day you will meet someone who isn't a twat x

The police will say the same as they would say to a man who was hanging about waiting to confront their ex girlfriend; ‘He’s ended the relationship, he doesn’t want to speak to you. He wants you to leave him alone. Your attempts to speak to him are not wanted. If you persist, you will be arrested for harassment’. He’s blanked her and blocked her. He has already dumped her. He doesn’t need the police to do it for him again. And yes, he should have used his words. And yes, the way he has treated her does make him a snivelling little arsehole who deserves gangrene of the genitals. But you cannot stalk someone and force them to listen to what you have to say. Not only is it illegal, it’s also incredibly unhealthy.

A scene doesn’t have to be at high volume in order to be a fucking insane way to behave. He’s probably one of those men who describes all his exes as crazy. She doesn’t not want to give him the grounds to be saying about her. She’s responding with a huge amount of dignity; please stop trying to encourage her to throw that away.

He would likely say, "I ended the relationship with this woman, she wouldn't stop contacting me so I blocked her - look".

That's how it would likely go down. He's not breaking the law. She will be if she continues to harass (as he sees it).

We all see this from our own perspectives and experience. Mine would never be to follow up a conversation with a lying twat because there's no truth to be gained there, even if they will speak to you.

This is a fantastic idea, all of it. Do this, OP, it will really be lovely for you to come home to after what will be a difficult day.

What a snivelling spineless little prick he is. OP I can well understand your agony. I promise you you will get over this and will meet someone better. He has done you a favour - imagine the poor woman who gets saddled with this sad little man.

I’m so sorry this has happened to you, some people are cruel..

My mum died in an accident a few weeks before my friends wedding. Mum and I were doing readings and my dd was bridesmaid. I got through it by practising my reading on repeat leading up to the wedding so I could say it with emotion without actually feeling it which meant I didn’t sob throughout as it was their day not my grief that was important at that time, if that makes sense.

Concentrate on talking to others during the day and being with those you know enough to chat crap to without them asking how he is too often.

See if you can text your friend that knows during the day, although she will be working, if you need to so you can let off emotions quietly until she arrives in the evening.

Try to find your anger and rage because how dare he treat you like that after a long time together without any explanation!

Lovely msg . I will actually be staying at my sisters that evening as the wedding is in my home town and I no longer live there so would be too far for me to travel back home. I haven't told my sister yet. She is extremely firey and I'm not sure I can handle her going off on one about it all right now. I'll tell her that evening I expect

‘Obviously you have to corner him somewhere he can’t hide’

If you’re genuinely happy with your behaviour, and you think that it’s a normal, sane way to behave, then we’re clearly wasting each other’s time discussing it any further.

Oh wow , you poor thing. You sound so strong x

@Petalroseblue Must be something in the air as my dd was just dumped and ghosted by her partner of about 2 years. They too were happily chatting before hand, still being affectionate etc and then boom, out of nowhere it's not working out and blocked on all means of communication. In their case, the ex lives abroad so not easily drop by able.
I am glad you have spoken to someone who will be at the wedding. Hopefully you'll be so busy being moh that you won't have time to think, and maybe by knowing your other friend will be there for the evening will be something to look forward to. If you can try not to drink too much as that won't help you emotionally, even though you'll feel like you'll want to get hammered. I hope it goes well💐

Let the bride know the truth and ask of your other friend can be your plus one. It will mean you can lean on the friend if you need to. It will be impossible to hide.

I actually do this all the time and feel so called out 🫢 This is how I survive a lot of social interactions honestly, it works great.

Edit: not the MoH part but the concept in general.

If I had been with a man for eighteen months, met each other's families, the relationship was seemingly happy and loving, I had never felt threatened by him, and then I blocked him out of the blue three days before we were meant to be attending a wedding together...

And then that man turned up where I was to say "Er, where have you been, what's going on? Are you alive and well, then? Is that your idea of dumping me? It is? Seriously? Well, how dare you, grow up, goodbye"...

Why would that be a police matter? It's not a crime to go and find someone. It's not even a crime to go and give someone a piece of your mind. Now, if you camp out on their driveway or follow them round shouting at them after they have told you to leave, that's a police matter. But why would it come to that?

And why would friends and family think it was unhinged? What's unhinged is ghosting your partner, not being called out on it!

I am happy to share my experience with the OP and others, and if she feels "encouraged" to confront this prick, that's up to her. If she doesn't, and if different advice resonates better with her and she simply ignores him right back, then that's also up to her. It's not for you to tell me to "stop encouraging" someone to do what worked for me.

This is such a lovely, thoughtful, helpful post x