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Original poster

AIBU for expecting him to pay?

226 replies

fl00b · 26/02/2025 11:18

My partner moved in 6 weeks ago after our son was born. Since then he hasn't paid, or offered to pay for anything towards bills or rent. The past week I've had to send him over £100 too as he's had no money for petrol or food at work. I also pay for all his food at mine. He used to live with his mum and pay her board.

I've received my first wage slip from work with my maternity pay on and I can't live on such a low amount whilst supporting a house, 4 children and him. I'm also not entitled to any benefits because he lives with me and works.

I hinted to him that I might need him to start helping out by showing him my wage-slip, and his words were that I could explore going back to work for 2 days a week (my son is only 6 weeks old) then I think the penny dropped for him and he offered to give me some money. However deep down I feel awful for taking off him which I know I shouldn't, but I don't know how else I'm meant to survive.

OP posts:
Bansheed · 26/02/2025 11:20

What am I reading? Throw him out AND ask him for money for the baby

festivemouse · 26/02/2025 11:21

YABU to let a man who's a father act like a giant child! I can't believe he suggested you look for part time work with a 6 week old?!

Of course he should be paying, especially as you share a child + have lost income by him moving in. Realistically this should have been discussed way before he moved in, but now you need to lay down some ground rules on how much he needs to pay and when.

Don't let him become a classic cocklodger!

yeesh · 26/02/2025 11:23

You were utterly mad to allow him to move in without contributing. Kick him out, claim benefits to top up your wage & he can pay maintenance for the baby.

Loveduppenguin · 26/02/2025 11:24

Does he work?!

Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 26/02/2025 11:25

you've got 3 kids and no money and you decided to have another one?

Money only goes so far - stop diluting it up among children, the ones you DO have will have a better life the less there are.

TwistedWonder · 26/02/2025 11:26

JFC - of course he should pay. What grown adults entitled to live rent free and expect someone else to bankroll their lifestyle?

How was he managing to survive before he became your cocklodger? Stop letting a man scrounge off of you and take money away from your kids ffs.

Id send him back to where he came from and contact CMS

KatyaKabanova · 26/02/2025 11:28

What the hell is going on?
Why have you agreed to this arrangement?!

Namerequired · 26/02/2025 11:28

Unless you have had a child with a child then why would he not pay his way?

Loveduppenguin · 26/02/2025 11:33

Why are you both assuming he shouldn’t contribute? Of course he should…

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/02/2025 11:34

You hinted?!

Tell him how much he needs to pay, don’t give him a penny more. Absolute madness. Do you get maintenance for the other kids at least?

Meadowfinch · 26/02/2025 11:36

Don't be a fool.

Add up half of the rent, utility bills, council tax, house insurance and broadband plus food costs for the two of you for the month, and tell him that is his share of monthly expenses. Add £50 on for the extra wear and tear to your property.

If he refuses to set up a direct debit, explain the CMS system to him, then send him home. You are not his mother.

Creamteasandbumblebees · 26/02/2025 12:35

Sorry...What?
Sounds like you are supporting 5 children!
Why isn't he paying half of everything?

SandieWooz · 26/02/2025 12:36

He’s a Complete and utter waste of space. Get rid Pronto.

Mulledjuice · 26/02/2025 12:36

Bansheed · 26/02/2025 11:20

What am I reading? Throw him out AND ask him for money for the baby

This.

He's no partner!

Pyjamatimenow · 26/02/2025 12:36

Eh?

Mumlaplomb · 26/02/2025 12:37

Move him back out before his feet are under the table, and seek maintenance via CSA

Glitchymn1 · 26/02/2025 12:38

“My partner moved in 6 weeks ago after our son was born. Since then he hasn't paid, or offered to pay for anything towards bills or rent. The past week I've had to send him over £100 too as he's had no money for petrol or food at work. I also pay for all his food at mine. “

Seriously!!!!! He’s a cock lodger, of course he needs to pay at least half of everything! Do not buy a house or have more children with this wet squib of a man! How embarrassing for him.

KmcK87 · 26/02/2025 12:39

Jesus Christ why would you be unreasonable? And why would you even have a baby with someone like this in the first place. Surely it’s a major turn off being with a man that refuses to provide? Are the other children his?

OhYeahOhYeah · 26/02/2025 12:40

Eeek! Either he coughs up for at least half of all bills, food, fuel etc OR, send him packing back to his Mums house and see what additional income you are entitled to

Madness

MiddleAgedDread · 26/02/2025 12:40

why the hell did you not have this discussion and work out shared finances before he moved in?? If you have kids that aren't his then I don't think it's far that he pays 50% of all bills as you'll be paying for food and probably rent for a larger house than you'd need if it was just the 3 of you but surely doesn't expect to live there and not pay a penny??

Namechangetheyarewatching · 26/02/2025 12:41

He needs to be paying 50/50 for bills, probably a bit less for food, as you have other children, unless they are his.

Don't subsidise him ffs

RachTheAlpaca · 26/02/2025 12:42

Why do women keep procreating with men like this!
Do better for your children and pick their father more wisely!

CuteEasterBunny · 26/02/2025 12:42

Your gas and electric, water and food bills will all have increased due to him moving in.

Pack his bags for him. You’ve got a freeloading cocklodger.

How these men exist is beyond me.

CosyLemur · 26/02/2025 12:42

Meadowfinch · 26/02/2025 11:36

Don't be a fool.

Add up half of the rent, utility bills, council tax, house insurance and broadband plus food costs for the two of you for the month, and tell him that is his share of monthly expenses. Add £50 on for the extra wear and tear to your property.

If he refuses to set up a direct debit, explain the CMS system to him, then send him home. You are not his mother.

Edited

No she should divide the costs equally between 6 people. He pays for 1 she pays for 4 then spilt the baby's cost in half too. 3 of the children aren't his, he shouldn't be contributing to their costs their dad's should be doing that!

pinkdelight · 26/02/2025 12:42

Why are you hinting??? You've made a baby together. Have a grown up discussion so he grows up and pays his share, instead of taking money from your children. Christ! What are you scared of??