AIBU for expecting him to pay?

[fl00b]

My partner moved in 6 weeks ago after our son was born. Since then he hasn't paid, or offered to pay for anything towards bills or rent. The past week I've had to send him over £100 too as he's had no money for petrol or food at work. I also pay for all his food at mine. He used to live with his mum and pay her board.

I've received my first wage slip from work with my maternity pay on and I can't live on such a low amount whilst supporting a house, 4 children and him. I'm also not entitled to any benefits because he lives with me and works.

I hinted to him that I might need him to start helping out by showing him my wage-slip, and his words were that I could explore going back to work for 2 days a week (my son is only 6 weeks old) then I think the penny dropped for him and he offered to give me some money. However deep down I feel awful for taking off him which I know I shouldn't, but I don't know how else I'm meant to survive.

I don't get why you feel bad for him paying his way?

He's an adult so he needs to pay. How these men have got so little pride is beyond me.
He clearly thinks that because you have to pay bills anyway he shouldn't have to pay his share. My friend married a man like that and to this day he has never contributed.

His reaction would mean my kicking him out and going to CMS.

Cocklodger I love it! First time I’ve heard this

What the hell! How have you not discussed all this before he moved in or when you were pregnant? Utter madness.

Just get him out! You already know the answer. Why would you invite such a waste of space in to your life. You have no obligation to pay for anything for him. Especially coz he's effecting the money you had previously. You have children to look after, he shouldn't even come in to the equation. What a pathetic man he must be to be willing to let you pay for everything. Is he good with the baby atleast? Either way tbh, love separately he can still be part of the babys life and yours of that's what wanted. But!! It really sounds like typical cocklodger behavior! Id be concerned how invested he is in you and your kids. Just sounds like a frickin free loader!

Send him back to him mum. Claim the benefits you are entitled to and CM. You can't feed a family on thin air and he isn't ready to be an equal partner in your life. A partner wouldn't need you to ask them to contribute to their own living costs and the cost of their child. You ate losing money by him being with you and he's costing you money as well. He's a cocklodger.

What the hell have I just read?

Don't 'hint' about anything. TELL him what he has to pay you and if he doesn't then back to his mum he goes and you start a CSA claim.

Kick him out yesterday, he sounds like a king cocklodger

Kick him out. He won’t be homeless for long. There are plenty more women who will take him in. We read about them regularly on MN.
Men like him are always looking for a woman who will only hint at him paying his way, he will have many reasons for being unable to help out.

How fucking DARE he suggest you go back to work part time? What an absolute COCK.

this is bonkers, OP. If true: kick him back to his mum, tell him how much he needs to pay for the baby. If he says no go directly to CMS.

Are you sure you are not entitled to any help - I would double check that

Does he earn a lot more than you are are you on the same sort of salary? Are you on SSP or a reduced rate of pay from your company?

Do not feel guilty for taking money off him - he is a grown up, with a child, he should be paying his way

Why are women having unprotected sex with men they can't have a conversation with?

Seriously, how have you allowed this to happen?

You're not responsible for supporting or housing a adult man. You are responsible for doing the best you can for your children.

You need to be clear with him that he either contributes to the household or he leaves the household. You will not be funding him. He will be, as a minimum, financially supporting his child.

I am also going to say what am I reading?

The penny shouldn't drop, you need to be blunt and he needs to pull his weight - financially and with childcare. If he doesn't step up then he needs to leave.

How someone with a house, a job and 3 kids found time in their life to date baffles me!

This can’t be real. It must be rage bait as I can’t believe anyone could be this daft in so many ways.

I would be phoning his mother and asking her what the magic words are to make him contribute to living expenses. Explain it is so that her freeloading son can help pay for his child, her grandchild.

She won’t reply, she is probably still enjoying the luxury of not having the tight bugger living off her. so follow up with a reminder that when you kick him out he will be heading straight back to hers!

Good God, you've got the cockiest of cocklodgers!

He wants you to go back to work US style (which is brutal) to support his lazy, leeching, freeloading, parasitic ass 6 weeks after having a baby.

Dump this no good mfer.

Start yout original post again. Delete the words "My partner" and think of a more realistic description.

Grief, that's a lodger who's only there for the benefits!

Did you not discuss finances before he moved in? He should be going halves on all bills. Well done on finding yourself a cocklodger.

Have you missed out some vital information OP? Is he in full time education?

Well OP, I am also wondering why you feel guilty asking for any help. Are you going to answer?🤔

I can't believe what i just read. He paid board at his parents but contributes nothing living with you, with the added insult of YOU giving him money. What does he spend that board money on? Send him.back to his mums and ask for child maintenance.

Honestly gobsmacked. Please don't let this continue.

I suspect you will be better off in every imaginable way if he fucks off home to mummy, and you claim child maintenance from him and UC.