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Original poster

AIBU for expecting him to pay?

226 replies

fl00b · 26/02/2025 11:18

My partner moved in 6 weeks ago after our son was born. Since then he hasn't paid, or offered to pay for anything towards bills or rent. The past week I've had to send him over £100 too as he's had no money for petrol or food at work. I also pay for all his food at mine. He used to live with his mum and pay her board.

I've received my first wage slip from work with my maternity pay on and I can't live on such a low amount whilst supporting a house, 4 children and him. I'm also not entitled to any benefits because he lives with me and works.

I hinted to him that I might need him to start helping out by showing him my wage-slip, and his words were that I could explore going back to work for 2 days a week (my son is only 6 weeks old) then I think the penny dropped for him and he offered to give me some money. However deep down I feel awful for taking off him which I know I shouldn't, but I don't know how else I'm meant to survive.

OP posts:
Epidote · 26/02/2025 13:58

Bansheed · 26/02/2025 11:20

What am I reading? Throw him out AND ask him for money for the baby

This

TwistedWonder · 26/02/2025 13:59

Blankscreen · 26/02/2025 13:54

So many people telling the op to get rid of the useless prick and make a benefits claim.

Whilst I don't disagree that that is the best option for the op no wonder the country is broke when people breed children that they can't/won't support and expect the state to pick up the tab.

No one needs to have 4 children. The op needs to fucking grow up.

Most people are telling her to put a claim through the CMS for him to pay her child support not claim benefits

Viviennemary · 26/02/2025 14:05

I don't think you can expect him to support all of you. But why didn't you consider this. You'd probably be better off if he went back to his mothers as at least you will get some benefit. Did you lose a lot of benefit. Do you get maintenance for your other three children?

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 26/02/2025 14:05

He's moved in with youand thinks he can pay nothing.
and you are paying for everything, including giving him £100 - shortly after giving birth to his child! and he's working
so WHY is he so broke?
And his solution when you tell him you don't know how you will survive is
"explore going back to work for 2 days a week (my son is only 6 weeks old) And you feel awful for taking off him?

There is so much more to this.

Regardless of the back story. He is a total leech.
the way you survive is

  1. Stop subsidising this loser
  2. Send him back to his mum's
  3. and put in a claim for CMS, pronto..
  4. Also get your council tax reduced to solo occupancy.

Your food and utility bills will immediately go down and you will have lost x stones of dead weight.

SabbatWheel · 26/02/2025 14:09

Honestly how and why do people get themselves in such ridiculous situations?
Keep pumping out the kids with no real means of keeping them, with feckless partners, and just ‘hoping’ that things will be ok. Thinking, planning, contraception and communication are all free!

Walker1178 · 26/02/2025 14:12

Why on earth are people making the decision to live together without sorting out the details first?!?!

He’s a fully grown adult, he doesn’t get to live for free. You need to decide on a split that works for you now and how it will change after Mat leave. If he can’t/wont stick to it then he needs to live elsewhere. Don’t bother hinting, make it very clear what the terms are.

Imisscoffee2021 · 26/02/2025 14:16

Is this a joke thread? Why are you feeling bad taking money from him while he lives under your roof, eats your food, basks in your central heating and fails to provide for his child?

LurkyMcLurkinson · 26/02/2025 14:20

Get this overgrown child out of your home asap before he drains you in every possible way. You’ve just had a baby, you don’t need another one who is disguising themselves as an adult.

ThisZanyPinkSquid · 26/02/2025 14:20

Aww you have a man child too 🙄 if he’s old enough to have a child and still living at home then that’s a MASSIVE red flag 🚩 lay it out and tell him you want x, y & z….if he doesn’t then chuck him out 🤷🏼‍♀️

FloofyKat · 26/02/2025 14:21

I’d ask him to move right back out again! And do not give him any more money.

femfemlicious · 26/02/2025 14:23

fl00b · 26/02/2025 11:18

My partner moved in 6 weeks ago after our son was born. Since then he hasn't paid, or offered to pay for anything towards bills or rent. The past week I've had to send him over £100 too as he's had no money for petrol or food at work. I also pay for all his food at mine. He used to live with his mum and pay her board.

I've received my first wage slip from work with my maternity pay on and I can't live on such a low amount whilst supporting a house, 4 children and him. I'm also not entitled to any benefits because he lives with me and works.

I hinted to him that I might need him to start helping out by showing him my wage-slip, and his words were that I could explore going back to work for 2 days a week (my son is only 6 weeks old) then I think the penny dropped for him and he offered to give me some money. However deep down I feel awful for taking off him which I know I shouldn't, but I don't know how else I'm meant to survive.

Why on earth do you feel awful about getting a contribution from him for living there. You pay for his food?. Why?.
4 kids is enough

Annettecurtaintwitcher · 26/02/2025 14:24

Why on earth would you pay for everything?? Why would he think it is okay to live with you but not contribute to the running of the household and his own baby??

Poppyfun1 · 26/02/2025 14:29

Of course he should be contributing.

BeelzebubsHoover · 26/02/2025 14:30

You’ve hit the jackpot with this one - a true prince among men

Bloodybrambles · 26/02/2025 14:32

I’ve just read your other post how the father of the older three had an affair/got another woman pregnant just before you were going to be married.

I think people should be kinder who are replying. I’m presuming you haven’t been with this lad long, he probably seemed like a decent guy after your ex and you unexpectedly found yourself pregnant? You’re trying to make the best out of the situation and presumed that once he moved in he’d offer to pay his way/contribute to family finances?

Posters saying that he should be paying 50/50 of all the bills right now, I don’t necessarily agree as I’m presuming he isn’t/wasn’t your partner/agreeing to subsidise the other three older kids - their dad should be supporting them.

What he should be doing is making a fair contribution to household costs. 100% of all of his son’s and yours expenses (while you’re on maternity) plus a decent contribution for his living costs (at least what he was paying at his parents…. Tbh that says enough what kind of man he is but thy shall not judge…)

Is he working OP? Do you know if he’s being tight or that he’s just skint? Is he always skint or usually a hard worker?

user1492757084 · 26/02/2025 14:32

I see HUGE concern in the fact that your boyfriend works yet has no money. Why does he not pay for food?
Why did you need to send him money?

What does he do with his wages?
Does he have other commitments? Other kids?
Paying for his mother's house mortgage etc.?

Yes, ask for him to pay 50/50 or skedaddle back to Mum.

soarklyknobs · 26/02/2025 14:37

Move him out, get your council tax discount and benefits back and apply to the CMS for maintenance.

But I would also make my contraception bullet proof if I were you. Raising four DC is bloody expensive and you clearly can't afford any more.

Ohnobackagain · 26/02/2025 14:38

So his idea is you can go back to work
rather than he pay at least his keep @fl00b ?

I don’t think so - that’s some flagrant cocklodger you’ve got yourself.

Dump his stuff outside, change the locks and send him back to Mummy - 🤯

Hellskitchen24 · 26/02/2025 14:39

This is 100% rage bait. Don’t bite.

Mrsknowitall · 26/02/2025 14:41

He should be wanting to support you, that’s what real men do! Not poise off of their partner. Do not feel bad about taking anything off of him as he don’t feel bad about taking from a mother of 4

DerryleaDunker · 26/02/2025 14:48

Havent RTFT but I'll reiterate - He's a cocklodger. A hobosexual.

UpMyself · 26/02/2025 14:50

The OP has previously posted and appears to have had 3 children with a partner who was cheating before the first was born, and now has another baby with a cocklodger.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 26/02/2025 14:50

@fl00b I just cannot believe that you let yourself get pregnant with a 4th child when the father is so immature and expecting you to subsidise his life!

QueSyrahSyrah · 26/02/2025 14:55

If this is real, and I pray it's not, how do people get to the point of living together with a child without having had these conversations?

'hinting' for the love of god. Why wasn't division of bills and responsibilities discussed before the piss had dried on the pregnancy test? Ideally It would be discussed long before a pregnancy was reality, but something tells me this wasn't planned.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 26/02/2025 14:57

I'd be more worried you didn't discuss finances and what was expected before he moved in.