AIBU for expecting him to pay?

[fl00b]

My partner moved in 6 weeks ago after our son was born. Since then he hasn't paid, or offered to pay for anything towards bills or rent. The past week I've had to send him over £100 too as he's had no money for petrol or food at work. I also pay for all his food at mine. He used to live with his mum and pay her board.

I've received my first wage slip from work with my maternity pay on and I can't live on such a low amount whilst supporting a house, 4 children and him. I'm also not entitled to any benefits because he lives with me and works.

I hinted to him that I might need him to start helping out by showing him my wage-slip, and his words were that I could explore going back to work for 2 days a week (my son is only 6 weeks old) then I think the penny dropped for him and he offered to give me some money. However deep down I feel awful for taking off him which I know I shouldn't, but I don't know how else I'm meant to survive.

Amen to this.

All of this. I can't believe the cheeky fucker tried to get you back to work with a 6 week old baby. I'd be re-evaluating whether you really need a cheeky fucker in your life who is always going to ponce off you

Get rid of him asap. If he’s like this when he’s just moved in and you’ve just had his baby he’s going to be even worse in the future! He’s clearly coming for his own convenience, not to be part of a team and help with his child. What a dead loss. It’s a shame you’re linked to him with a baby. He doesn’t sound like he’s going to be giving you much maintenance.

And do it now before he's lived there ti make a claim on your house

I don’t understand why you’re happy to bring a human life into the world with this bloke but can’t have a conversation with him about a fair contribution to your household expenses

Sorry but what the fuck are you doing?

Of course he needs to give you money.

I'm trying to be nice here because you've just had a baby but I am astounded that you are questioning yourself about this. Stop hinting and start telling. You could be earning a million quid a week but he should still be paying toward all the household expenses.

Sort this out asap.

He sounds like a massive waste of space - of course he should be contributing

You need to sit down and have a proper talk about finances. You live together now so he should be contributing towards all household bills. He clearly needs to look at his own budget if he finds himself running out of money each month.

The other alternative is he moves back to his parents and pays you child maintenance!

Do not feel guilty about taking money, he cannot live at yours rent free and expect you to raise your child on one income. He sounds incredibly immature if this is how he thinks the world works but I also feel like you don’t want to lose him so willing to accept anything.

Jesus wept. You have 4 children and yet are unable to have an adult conversation with someone about finances BEFORE they move in.
You also managed to have sex and make a baby with a massive cocklodger. Which responsible guy moves in with the mother of his child and doesn’t talk about finances? You both sound quite immature tbh. Get a grip on your life.

I would expect him to swan off back to mummy’s house when you ask him to contribute 50%.

How old is he?

What was the plan when you decided he would move in, presumably you hashed this all out at some time early in your pregnancy ahead of him moving in?

WTF are you feeling bad about? He has responsibilities, that's life

Dear god. My DH expects me to pay half of everything (even though he earns way more than I do) and I’m happy to do so as we are a couple. Tell him to cough up or ship out!!!

Please explain why you would feel guilty about asking a parent to provide a liveable amount of money for their own child.

No. Words. Why did you have a baby with him before you lived together/discussed this?!!

" I'm also not entitled to any benefits because he lives with me and works."

This would be because the government - reasonably - assumes that he is contributing to household expenses.

If he is not, you are not only paying for his share of lodging, food, bills AND £100 in personal expenses but losing benefits too.

So, having him living with you is COSTING you in many ways, while he is contributing - what exactly?

Either he becomes a fully functioning member of the household or he needs to move right out again.

Whaaattt? He works, contributes nothing to the household and his child, yet you pay for his food and give him money? And you feel bad about it? Words fail me.

Send the useless man-child back to mummy and put in a CMS claim.

And what exactly is he your partner in, aside from shagging? Though somehow I'd imagine he is totally self centered in that too....

Oh wow!

From what I read I didn’t see anywhere where the OP said she struggled financially before he moved in or struggled financially until she has received maternity leave. I’m sorry but you sound incredibly judgemental on a topic that wasn’t raised.

OP, you need to have the conversation about finances with her partner asap really should have been discussed before he moved in etc but hey ho what is done is done. He should defo be contributing to the household

Welllllll it's a bit late to not have a baby with him but he's a cocklodger not a partner. Send him home and send him child maintenance bills.

Agog at how this man has managed to smoothly move from one Mum to another.

Bit late now to ask why on earth you got pregnant, but he should be paying at least 1/3 of the home's running costs. Are your other three children young/living at home?

However deep down I feel awful for taking off him which I know I shouldn't

Why shouldn't you? This makes no sense. Most adults pay their own way; in theory, moving in together means each of you paying less than living apart even though total cost is higher. It's one of the reasons couples live together.

What makes him exempt from normal adult life?

I would tell him you need him to move out as you can’t afford financially to keep him and his baby. Then you can claim benefits and take his sorry ass to the CSA. Do not let this man freeload off you and use up your money which should be spent on your child. Put your child first over this man!

Soooo you’ve got 5 kids

Don't be daft.
He needs to pay his way or fuck off out of your house.

None of this should be a surprising situation to find yourself in - this all should and could have been discussed and agreed before he moved in. Your maternity pay should not have been a surprise to you either.

Of course he should pay for his fair share of the household costs. Tell him he needs to move back to his Mum's and that the relationship is over. Claim the appropriate child maintenance via the CMS.