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Original poster

AIBU for expecting him to pay?

226 replies

fl00b · 26/02/2025 11:18

My partner moved in 6 weeks ago after our son was born. Since then he hasn't paid, or offered to pay for anything towards bills or rent. The past week I've had to send him over £100 too as he's had no money for petrol or food at work. I also pay for all his food at mine. He used to live with his mum and pay her board.

I've received my first wage slip from work with my maternity pay on and I can't live on such a low amount whilst supporting a house, 4 children and him. I'm also not entitled to any benefits because he lives with me and works.

I hinted to him that I might need him to start helping out by showing him my wage-slip, and his words were that I could explore going back to work for 2 days a week (my son is only 6 weeks old) then I think the penny dropped for him and he offered to give me some money. However deep down I feel awful for taking off him which I know I shouldn't, but I don't know how else I'm meant to survive.

OP posts:
Hdjdb42 · 26/02/2025 13:36

Seriously, what are you doing??! He needs to pay 50 percent of rent and bills now. Why on earth would you invite a man-child into your home and not set an amount for rent and bills?! You'll end up depriving yourself and your children for a useless waste of space. If he refuses to.pay then tell him to go back to.his mum's.

2025willbemytime · 26/02/2025 13:38

Lickityspit · 26/02/2025 12:51

Dear god. My DH expects me to pay half of everything (even though he earns way more than I do) and I’m happy to do so as we are a couple. Tell him to cough up or ship out!!!

It's isn't right you pay half when he earns so much more. You then end up with a lot less personal money.

BMW6 · 26/02/2025 13:40

WTF????

Why have you had a baby with a cocklodger when you already had 3 children????????

biedrona · 26/02/2025 13:40

Where do you find these gems

EuclidianGeometryFan · 26/02/2025 13:41

However deep down I feel awful for taking off him which I know I shouldn't, but I don't know how else I'm meant to survive.

What on earth gave you the idea that you shouldn't take money off him?

Seriously - why do you think like this?
Because you need to examine where your ideas are coming from, and do some work on yourself (counselling would be great for you), otherwise you are wide open to being really abused by any man you get into a relationship with.

This man is financially abusing you as it is. He should be paying half of all household costs, including bills and shopping.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 26/02/2025 13:42
  1. Boot this cocklodger out.
  2. File a CMS claim against said cocklodger.
  3. Get an IUD or IUS so that you don't get pregnant again.
  4. Take the Freedom Programme to learn what an abusive man looks like.
  5. Raise your standards about men.
  6. Learn to be assertive and have difficult conversations.
Moveoverdarlin · 26/02/2025 13:43

Why hint? Hint? I would say clearly ‘On the 1st of the month from March I will need £1,750 from you to cover your rent, your food and your bills. If that’s a problem then fuck off back your Mummy’.

Jesus I can’t think of a less appealing man.

Moveoverdarlin · 26/02/2025 13:43

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 26/02/2025 13:42

  1. Boot this cocklodger out.
  2. File a CMS claim against said cocklodger.
  3. Get an IUD or IUS so that you don't get pregnant again.
  4. Take the Freedom Programme to learn what an abusive man looks like.
  5. Raise your standards about men.
  6. Learn to be assertive and have difficult conversations.
Edited

All of this.

notatinydancer · 26/02/2025 13:44

No wonder some men behave like complete wankers and become cock lodgers when there are women like this wet lettuce about.

OrangeYaGlad · 26/02/2025 13:44

Fuck me. Just when you think you've seen the lowest bar possible, someone comes along to show off their shovel and wellies from digging ever lower.
No words.

Muffin777 · 26/02/2025 13:44

Why did you have a whole CHILD with this useless waste of space??

MammaTo · 26/02/2025 13:44

Fantastic.

Lifeisapeach · 26/02/2025 13:45

This HAS to be a sick joke. If not I’m seriously concerned for you and your family. @mumsnet is this legitimate?

Quitelikeit · 26/02/2025 13:46

I doubt a man of that intelligence is capable of earning so much your benefits for four children would be wiped out

nodramaplz · 26/02/2025 13:47

fl00b · 26/02/2025 11:18

My partner moved in 6 weeks ago after our son was born. Since then he hasn't paid, or offered to pay for anything towards bills or rent. The past week I've had to send him over £100 too as he's had no money for petrol or food at work. I also pay for all his food at mine. He used to live with his mum and pay her board.

I've received my first wage slip from work with my maternity pay on and I can't live on such a low amount whilst supporting a house, 4 children and him. I'm also not entitled to any benefits because he lives with me and works.

I hinted to him that I might need him to start helping out by showing him my wage-slip, and his words were that I could explore going back to work for 2 days a week (my son is only 6 weeks old) then I think the penny dropped for him and he offered to give me some money. However deep down I feel awful for taking off him which I know I shouldn't, but I don't know how else I'm meant to survive.

No offence but you didn't "Have" to send him £100. You could have sent him the middle finger!

People will only treat you how you allow them to!
Bin him!

skyeisthelimit · 26/02/2025 13:49

This should have all been discussed before he moved in.

If his response to you hinting you need money, is that you should go back to work, that tells you everything you need to know.

Tell him to move back in with his mother and sponge off her instead.

Then look at your finances, download the MSE budget planner, and also see if you are entitled to any benefits.

Don't let him creep back in. If he starts to stay over to help with the baby, then tell him he contributes or doesn't get fed.

takeitbacknowyo · 26/02/2025 13:49

What? Why has he moved in with no arrangement about money etc? The least he should be doing is paying for his own things and his child.

Get rid and make a claim for child support.

Verv · 26/02/2025 13:49

What the fuck did i just read, OP.

Blankscreen · 26/02/2025 13:50

Another baby born into chaos by the sounds of it.
How do you get to have a six week old baby with someone and not have had the conversation around money/costs.

Mistakes happen but with three children already you knew the expenses involved with raising children.

Is the dad(s) of the other three children around? Does he contribute towards their upkeep?

Nanny0gg · 26/02/2025 13:52

Loveduppenguin · 26/02/2025 11:24

Does he work?!

Um... Think she mentioned that...

Nanny0gg · 26/02/2025 13:53

fl00b · 26/02/2025 11:18

My partner moved in 6 weeks ago after our son was born. Since then he hasn't paid, or offered to pay for anything towards bills or rent. The past week I've had to send him over £100 too as he's had no money for petrol or food at work. I also pay for all his food at mine. He used to live with his mum and pay her board.

I've received my first wage slip from work with my maternity pay on and I can't live on such a low amount whilst supporting a house, 4 children and him. I'm also not entitled to any benefits because he lives with me and works.

I hinted to him that I might need him to start helping out by showing him my wage-slip, and his words were that I could explore going back to work for 2 days a week (my son is only 6 weeks old) then I think the penny dropped for him and he offered to give me some money. However deep down I feel awful for taking off him which I know I shouldn't, but I don't know how else I'm meant to survive.

Why the actual did you 'hint'?

Why did you stay with this loser?

Do your other children's father/s pay towards them?

Charlieiscool · 26/02/2025 13:54

Send this manchild back to his mum. I can’t understand why you would decide to have a 4th child with such a burden as he clearly is.

Blankscreen · 26/02/2025 13:54

So many people telling the op to get rid of the useless prick and make a benefits claim.

Whilst I don't disagree that that is the best option for the op no wonder the country is broke when people breed children that they can't/won't support and expect the state to pick up the tab.

No one needs to have 4 children. The op needs to fucking grow up.

Topsyturvy78 · 26/02/2025 13:54

Did you not discuss finances before he moved in? He's a cocklodger get him out and don't be giving him any money. Don't buy anything for his pack up.

Crinkle77 · 26/02/2025 13:57

Lickityspit · 26/02/2025 12:51

Dear god. My DH expects me to pay half of everything (even though he earns way more than I do) and I’m happy to do so as we are a couple. Tell him to cough up or ship out!!!

I hope you have a joint bank account with free access to funds. If not your husband is massively taking the piss too expecting you to pay half when he earns a lot more than you.