Partner bought an engagement ring but wants to send it in the post to me

[Lillymg]

Me and my partner have been together for 4yrs and we’ve had our ups and downs like every other relationships. We spoke about marriage and were on the same page when it comes to taking our relationship to the next stage.

Anyway, he told me today that he got me a ring and that he’ll post it. I honestly thought he was playing some sort of prank on me so I laughed it off, until he said “no babe will you be working from home next week” I’m obviously upset and never thought he’d do something like this and quite frankly I’m not sure what to think about it.

I go out of my way to make an effort for his bdays and Christmas and do things that he likes because I know it will put a smile on his face. So him saying that he’ll post the fucking ring in the post had made me so emotional and I don’t know what to think of it now.

I hung up on him because I’m literally crying and don’t want to talk to him right now because who the fuck sends a ring by post? I thought he’d do a romantic proposal and make it special

Ive been crying for like an hour on and off now and he’s been calling nonstop. I don’t even want to talk to him or hear him out at this point because the damages have been done already.

please tell me I’m not overreacting because I know I’m not and I just don’t know honestly

id like to add that we don’t live together due to living 3hrs away from each other and our work. But we do see each other every weekend and whenever I work from home I usually stay with him for a week or two.

Op he's not really making much of an effort is he??? Do you have to propose to yourself as well ?? 🤔 Does he put some effort in normally??

I would seriously consider whether this is a relationship you actually want to remain in and if so why. I think you can do better than he, do not settle for crumbs.

He usually does put in an effort so I’m shocked by what he’s said and honestly didn’t expected him to do that. Never heard of anyone posting an engagement ring to their partner before EVER!!

Let him stew for tonight regardless.

Then, have a think about what you want and whether he is it... If so, you need to spell out to him why you are so upset with this if he hasn't worked it out already. I'm sorry this has happened, look after yourself.x

I'd return to sender 😊

I don’t plan on talking to him anytime soon honestly. He’s been calling me non stop and I’m not picking up any of his calls tonight or probably for the week. If he thinks that I’ll accept that from him then he’s honestly delusional.

Can you give us some ideas if what the downs have been?

Has he proposed and this in the follow up or...was that proposal? Like 'btw I've got you a ring I'll stick it in the post' ...

He’s giving the engagement lip service. Giving you a ring to keep you happy, this man isn’t going to marry you. Ever. I’m sorry.

Downs in our relationship were “communication” from his side. Beginning of our relationship he was bad at it. But not what I wanted so explained to him that “communication” was really important to me and that if he’s not willing to work on his communication then to let me know so I can leave. He changed his way and has become way better at it since then. That was my main issue with him

You have no idea if he has some sort of magic postal proposal plan in place. Get up set once it has happened if you feel that way, but right now isn’t the time, you could be spoiling a special moment. Or you might not.

I would laugh about this, and tell him to keep it till we’re next together. He’s being a bit silly, but I wouldn’t take great offence. Some people just don’t get all the romantic gestures.

She's spoiling a special moment? 😂

I’m holding out hope. Surely he isn’t just putting it in a Jiffy bag and posting it. Surely.
my husband is pretty understated.
he made my engagement ring on his lathe at work.
but even he knew he needed to be there to ask me to marry him.

If this is his version of "way better" at communication, then his change management isn't up to much.

Id say posting an engagement ring is a massive failure in communication.

To be honest I highly doubt I’ve spoiled a “special moment” I know when he’s serious and when he’s not but I wasn’t expecting that from him especially when I’ve always made an effort for him on special occasions even random surprises for him. So no 🤣 I haven’t

Im laughing now but will probably cry tomorrow!!!

Was him asking if you were working from home to ensure you would be in and he's actually planning to surprise you? The I'll post it could have been to throw you off the scent? I mean there's 50 different ways i could think of off the top of my head to check if you were home so it's incredibly lame and poor excuse but trying to see it in a positive light..... yeah I'm stretching here I know!

Sorry OP I laughed out loud at that. Surely he’s not seriously going to just pop the ring in an envelope and drop it into the post box on his way to the co-op (or wherever)? I agree with PP, it MUST be that he’s trying to throw you off the scent and is planning some sort of surprise actual proposal-in-person. Surely!?

You are absolutely right! That went over my head so definitely a lack of communication from his side.

I know my worth and won’t accept the bare minimum from anyone. Before him I ended a 2yr relationship due to lack of effort and respect I can do it again in silence. My mother always said to me that “you shouldn’t never let a man tell you twice he doesn’t want you” so yeah f him and he can send that ring to the graveyard! I deleted his number and blocked him will be changing my number tomorrow because I don’t have time to waste and these men can honestly F off

Nope!! He was dead serious because my friend called me saying that she should talk to me because according to him I’m “overrating”

I won’t accept a pity ring from him or anyone else! Blocked him and deleted his calls along with all of our photos. I left my ex before him in silence and will definitely do it again

Are you sure you’re mature enough to confide being married, because honestly there are so many more important things to be worrying about than this,

Yeah I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to put in an effort for a proposal! Shows me that I don’t matter and I only deserve the bare minimum. Deleted his number, blocked him! I’m good and will be fine eventually 🤣

I won’t be accepting it at all!!

Blocking him and deleting his number is a bit extreme for a relationship long enough to consider getting married.
Dump him if you want but at least have the decency to speak to him about why