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Original poster

Partner bought an engagement ring but wants to send it in the post to me

179 replies

Lillymg · 14/02/2025 20:33

Me and my partner have been together for 4yrs and we’ve had our ups and downs like every other relationships. We spoke about marriage and were on the same page when it comes to taking our relationship to the next stage.

Anyway, he told me today that he got me a ring and that he’ll post it. I honestly thought he was playing some sort of prank on me so I laughed it off, until he said “no babe will you be working from home next week” I’m obviously upset and never thought he’d do something like this and quite frankly I’m not sure what to think about it.

I go out of my way to make an effort for his bdays and Christmas and do things that he likes because I know it will put a smile on his face. So him saying that he’ll post the fucking ring in the post had made me so emotional and I don’t know what to think of it now.

I hung up on him because I’m literally crying and don’t want to talk to him right now because who the fuck sends a ring by post? I thought he’d do a romantic proposal and make it special

Ive been crying for like an hour on and off now and he’s been calling nonstop. I don’t even want to talk to him or hear him out at this point because the damages have been done already.

please tell me I’m not overreacting because I know I’m not and I just don’t know honestly

id like to add that we don’t live together due to living 3hrs away from each other and our work. But we do see each other every weekend and whenever I work from home I usually stay with him for a week or two.

OP posts:
BookASpaceCadets · 14/02/2025 22:22

Acc0untant · 14/02/2025 21:58

So instead of actually having a conversation (even if that conversation is to break up) you're going to act like a teenager instead?

Show quote history

This.
Far too immature for marriage.

BettyBardMacDonald · 14/02/2025 22:22

AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/02/2025 20:35

I would seriously consider whether this is a relationship you actually want to remain in and if so why. I think you can do better than he, do not settle for crumbs.

This. Why would you stay in such a lackluster relationship that makes you cry on what should be a happy occasion?

Far better to be single than to settle.

dibdabdog · 14/02/2025 22:24

ex-partnerFlowers

Dweetfidilove · 14/02/2025 22:25

TheRealKatnissEverdeen · 14/02/2025 22:04

Love your username 🇯🇲

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🇯🇲♥️

SmileEachDay · 14/02/2025 22:28

This actually wouldn’t bother me - but me and my partner have our own views about romance.

scoobysnaxx · 14/02/2025 22:29

Wow. Sounds like he had a lucky escape..

Original poster
Lillymg · 14/02/2025 22:29

Acc0untant · 14/02/2025 21:58

So instead of actually having a conversation (even if that conversation is to break up) you're going to act like a teenager instead?

Show quote history

I don’t think I’m acting like a teenager at all! Did he care when he posted the engagement ring by post? Because he definitely knew what I wanted and I have always put in the effort for him. But I’m acting like a teenager because I refuse the bare minimum effort from a man who thinks sending an engagement ring by post ? Sorry but men know exactly what they’re doing and I’m not wasting no time. I don’t owe him an explanation because he knew what I wanted but refused to do it so yeah! I’m good. I know my worth and if you think I’m acting like a teenager then that’s your opinion. He chose to go that route and I chose the exit

OP posts:
ItGhoul · 14/02/2025 22:32

Lillymg · 14/02/2025 21:26

You are absolutely right! That went over my head so definitely a lack of communication from his side.

I know my worth and won’t accept the bare minimum from anyone. Before him I ended a 2yr relationship due to lack of effort and respect I can do it again in silence. My mother always said to me that “you shouldn’t never let a man tell you twice he doesn’t want you” so yeah f him and he can send that ring to the graveyard! I deleted his number and blocked him will be changing my number tomorrow because I don’t have time to waste and these men can honestly F off

Show quote history

That escalated quickly.

BookASpaceCadets · 14/02/2025 22:33

Lillymg · 14/02/2025 22:29

I don’t think I’m acting like a teenager at all! Did he care when he posted the engagement ring by post? Because he definitely knew what I wanted and I have always put in the effort for him. But I’m acting like a teenager because I refuse the bare minimum effort from a man who thinks sending an engagement ring by post ? Sorry but men know exactly what they’re doing and I’m not wasting no time. I don’t owe him an explanation because he knew what I wanted but refused to do it so yeah! I’m good. I know my worth and if you think I’m acting like a teenager then that’s your opinion. He chose to go that route and I chose the exit

Show quote history

The blocking, deleting and throwing a massive tantrum because you didn’t get exactly what you wanted is what was meant here.
He has made an error in judgement, the mature and adult approach would be to explain why you felt disappointed and find a way to move toward, if that’s what you both still want, or agree to break up.
If this is your response after 4 years, you have shown no care or respect for each other, your relationship was doomed anyway.

Original poster
Lillymg · 14/02/2025 22:36

I know my worth and I don’t need to tell someone more than once how I wanted it to be! He knew exactly what he was doing and I refuse to accept that behavior from him or anyone else!

I get some folks have their opinions about my post and I respect it. However I won’t accept his “post proposal” He knew exactly what kind of proposal I wanted nothing fancy just simple. But yet I’m overacting and acting like a teenager because I chose to cut ties with him? No thanks 🙂‍↔️

And the reason why I decided to end things with him was because of the comment he made about the ring to my friend. “I should be happy I’m getting a ring” yeah fuck off mate, you and that ring can go elsewhere because not today nor ever!!

OP posts:
Purplecatshopaholic · 14/02/2025 22:37

I think you are both better off out of this tbh. You are blocking him and deleting his number after a four year relationship over this? Why not just laugh about it when he said he’d post the ring, and say something like, no way, you ask properly or forget it? You clearly don’t love him enough to marry him, and he doesn’t know you well enough not to pull a silly stunt like this, so breaking up seems a good idea..

StampOnTheGround · 14/02/2025 22:40

Blocking and deleting after a 4 year relationship is ridiculous. Be an adult and have a conversation at least, tell him that you do not accept this as you'd spoken about what you wanted and a postal proposal is absolutely ridiculous. Listen to what he says, but then end the relationship if his response is still pathetic - but don't just block and delete.

Original poster
Lillymg · 14/02/2025 22:41

BookASpaceCadets · 14/02/2025 22:33

The blocking, deleting and throwing a massive tantrum because you didn’t get exactly what you wanted is what was meant here.
He has made an error in judgement, the mature and adult approach would be to explain why you felt disappointed and find a way to move toward, if that’s what you both still want, or agree to break up.
If this is your response after 4 years, you have shown no care or respect for each other, your relationship was doomed anyway.

Show quote history

Thats your opinion and I respect that, but if you go back and read my replies then you’d probably understand. And if you don’t then that’s also fine

I’m not throwing a tantrum because I didn’t have it my way at all. My issue is the way he thinks it’s okay and the comment he made to my friend “I should be happy I’m getting a ring”

He knows exactly what he’s doing and I don’t need to explain to him. 4yrs is better than me having to tell him for a lifetime of I deserve better than “bare minimum”

no thanks!!

OP posts:
SleeplessInWherever · 14/02/2025 22:52

Posting an engagement ring is ridiculous. But so is this response.

Never in my life have I told someone the kind of proposal I expect and “deserve.” The idea of that is completely juvenile to me. As is blocking and deleting your partner of 4 years because you’re pissed off. Use your words.

Posting it isn’t respectful, but losing your shit and changing your number isn’t any better either.

Yeah he’s not innocent, but we don’t have to meet them at the bottom. Someone here could be being a grown up.

PickAChew · 14/02/2025 22:56

Ths sounds to me like your relationship was one of endless frustration for you and you were always hopeful that he would make good but this has been the event to bring you to your senses. If he's half arsed your engagement it's never going to get better.

You should probably let him know that. Maybe by old fashioned snail mail. Tit for tit.

Shoemadlady · 14/02/2025 22:58

Are you sure it's an engagement ring and not just a ring as a gift he's sending? I can't believe anyone would be that stupid and insensitive to post an engagement ring?!

Circumferences · 14/02/2025 23:05

I wouldn't want to be a military wife anyway so you've probably dodged a different bullet

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 14/02/2025 23:09

Maybe stick the ring where the dun doesn't shine ... if you see him again.

CookieCrumbles23 · 14/02/2025 23:11

Could he atleast ask postie to get down on one knee and propose on his behalf?

Longhotsummers · 14/02/2025 23:13

You’re both as bad as each other and frankly you sound a bit unhinged from all the drama of blocking, deleting etc.
Why not take a day or so to calm down and then talk to each other like adults do?

Naunet · 14/02/2025 23:24

BookASpaceCadets · 14/02/2025 22:33

The blocking, deleting and throwing a massive tantrum because you didn’t get exactly what you wanted is what was meant here.
He has made an error in judgement, the mature and adult approach would be to explain why you felt disappointed and find a way to move toward, if that’s what you both still want, or agree to break up.
If this is your response after 4 years, you have shown no care or respect for each other, your relationship was doomed anyway.

Show quote history

We don't all want men we have to mother and explain the blatant obvious to. If he can't work out for himself that he should show his partner effort and consideration, then he's not worth the effort of OP explaining the very basics of a relationship to him.

purpleblue2 · 14/02/2025 23:29

MumonabikeE5 · 14/02/2025 20:58

You have no idea if he has some sort of magic postal proposal plan in place. Get up set once it has happened if you feel that way, but right now isn’t the time, you could be spoiling a special moment. Or you might not.

Edited

Are you for real? There’s nothing better than being in person.

Deadbeatex · 14/02/2025 23:34

You've deleted all your photos, call history, messages, his number and you've blocked him? Wow. I'm out. I agree know your worth and I agree he got this wrong but you have gone way too far the other way and I'm now thinking this is a wind up post.
You say he has communication issues? I think you need to look at yourself because a man who just a few hours ago you wanted to marry after a 4 year relationship that I assume started when you were 11 years old deserves a conversation, not this throwing your toys out the pram

healthybychristmas · 14/02/2025 23:36

MumonabikeE5 · 14/02/2025 20:58

You have no idea if he has some sort of magic postal proposal plan in place. Get up set once it has happened if you feel that way, but right now isn’t the time, you could be spoiling a special moment. Or you might not.

Edited

It's hardly a special moment as she's going to be on her own!

IntermittentStream · 14/02/2025 23:41

Lillymg · 14/02/2025 22:36

I know my worth and I don’t need to tell someone more than once how I wanted it to be! He knew exactly what he was doing and I refuse to accept that behavior from him or anyone else!

I get some folks have their opinions about my post and I respect it. However I won’t accept his “post proposal” He knew exactly what kind of proposal I wanted nothing fancy just simple. But yet I’m overacting and acting like a teenager because I chose to cut ties with him? No thanks 🙂‍↔️

And the reason why I decided to end things with him was because of the comment he made about the ring to my friend. “I should be happy I’m getting a ring” yeah fuck off mate, you and that ring can go elsewhere because not today nor ever!!

No mature adult would end a four-year relationship that made them happy over this, so I’m going to assume it in fact wasn’t that good a relationship and this was the final straw. Otherwise this is just silly.