Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner bought an engagement ring but wants to send it in the post to me

179 replies

Lillymg · 14/02/2025 20:33

Me and my partner have been together for 4yrs and we’ve had our ups and downs like every other relationships. We spoke about marriage and were on the same page when it comes to taking our relationship to the next stage.

Anyway, he told me today that he got me a ring and that he’ll post it. I honestly thought he was playing some sort of prank on me so I laughed it off, until he said “no babe will you be working from home next week” I’m obviously upset and never thought he’d do something like this and quite frankly I’m not sure what to think about it.

I go out of my way to make an effort for his bdays and Christmas and do things that he likes because I know it will put a smile on his face. So him saying that he’ll post the fucking ring in the post had made me so emotional and I don’t know what to think of it now.

I hung up on him because I’m literally crying and don’t want to talk to him right now because who the fuck sends a ring by post? I thought he’d do a romantic proposal and make it special

Ive been crying for like an hour on and off now and he’s been calling nonstop. I don’t even want to talk to him or hear him out at this point because the damages have been done already.

please tell me I’m not overreacting because I know I’m not and I just don’t know honestly

id like to add that we don’t live together due to living 3hrs away from each other and our work. But we do see each other every weekend and whenever I work from home I usually stay with him for a week or two.

OP posts:
BookASpaceCadets · 14/02/2025 23:51

Naunet · 14/02/2025 23:24

We don't all want men we have to mother and explain the blatant obvious to. If he can't work out for himself that he should show his partner effort and consideration, then he's not worth the effort of OP explaining the very basics of a relationship to him.

Show quote history

And if someone can’t be bothered to explain their feelings, and have rational conversation like an actual adult, why would anyone even bother to try to maintain the relationship.
There is no way this is the first time the OP has reacted like this when she feels ‘wronged’

MarkingBad · 15/02/2025 00:12

I'm surprised you've been together for 4 years. It's a tough life being a military partner, you need some serious resiliance to cope. I think you have made the right decision for you both.

discdiscsnap · 15/02/2025 00:34

Good for you op know your worth. If it turns up I'd be tempted to say it never arrived!!

Okaygoahead · 15/02/2025 06:49

Given your reaction OP I think you’ve done him a favour.

RedHelenB · 15/02/2025 07:06

Lillymg · 14/02/2025 20:37

He usually does put in an effort so I’m shocked by what he’s said and honestly didn’t expected him to do that. Never heard of anyone posting an engagement ring to their partner before EVER!!

Show quote history

So you could be the first. Will be a funny engagement story down the years. You either want to marry him warts and all or you don't. I think, judging by this post, you don't, you want the trappings of an engagement and a marriage.
Time for some serious thought about this relationship.

WorldMap24 · 15/02/2025 07:24

I get wanting to break up with him over this, but ghosting him? And you did it to your previous partner of 2 years? What is wrong with you?! I wouldn't ghost someone I'd been on three dates with let alone someone I'd been exclusively with for years. For this reason alone you are being hugely unreasonable! By all means split up but you say he has otherwise been a good partner, he deserves a conversation. I'm actually disgusted that you think this is the way to treat someone that yesterday you wanted to marry. Your actions are worse than his.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 15/02/2025 07:25

He could at least have it delivered by an owl.
That would perhaps go someway to mitigating the lack of personal involvement?

Idontjetwashthefucker · 15/02/2025 07:32

Complete overreaction by you, he has communication issues and you've behaved like this?

Not buying it, your response is completely off the charts!

Fiery30 · 15/02/2025 07:38

You keep saying you know your worth- ok, that is fine. But the way you have behaved with the blocking and deleting photos is extremely dramatic and immature. After 4 years, anyone deserves an explanation. You are free to end things but it doesn't have to be in such an extreme manner. Such behaviour takes up so much energy and is not healthy, especially for you. You could have just been upfront and stated your feelings maturely and ended things. Surely you will need to get back in contact if have stuff at each other's places etc. Even you are demonstrating communication issues and if I may say, a little entitlement.

Fiery30 · 15/02/2025 07:39

Circumferences · 14/02/2025 23:05

I wouldn't want to be a military wife anyway so you've probably dodged a different bullet

That's an odd analogy! You might not want to be a military wife but maybe OP didn't mind?

Gettingbysomehow · 15/02/2025 08:03

Lillymg · 14/02/2025 21:26

You are absolutely right! That went over my head so definitely a lack of communication from his side.

I know my worth and won’t accept the bare minimum from anyone. Before him I ended a 2yr relationship due to lack of effort and respect I can do it again in silence. My mother always said to me that “you shouldn’t never let a man tell you twice he doesn’t want you” so yeah f him and he can send that ring to the graveyard! I deleted his number and blocked him will be changing my number tomorrow because I don’t have time to waste and these men can honestly F off

Show quote history

I'm so glad you have self worth. So many women don't. If he's behaving like this now then you know full well it will never get better. Only worse.

Gettingbysomehow · 15/02/2025 08:05

Fiery30 · 15/02/2025 07:38

You keep saying you know your worth- ok, that is fine. But the way you have behaved with the blocking and deleting photos is extremely dramatic and immature. After 4 years, anyone deserves an explanation. You are free to end things but it doesn't have to be in such an extreme manner. Such behaviour takes up so much energy and is not healthy, especially for you. You could have just been upfront and stated your feelings maturely and ended things. Surely you will need to get back in contact if have stuff at each other's places etc. Even you are demonstrating communication issues and if I may say, a little entitlement.

There's always one male apologist. That guy knows exactly what he's done. He's trying it on to see what he can get away with. He deserves nothing.

AlphaApple · 15/02/2025 08:07

It seems a little extreme but I'd rather see a woman stand up for herself than be ground down by repeated instances of "miscommunications", lack of thought, care and respect.

Fiery30 · 15/02/2025 08:16

Gettingbysomehow · 15/02/2025 08:05

There's always one male apologist. That guy knows exactly what he's done. He's trying it on to see what he can get away with. He deserves nothing.

Show quote history

Don't know what a male apologist means. But i haven't said anything different to what other posters have. So there was no need to quote me.

SheridansPortSalut · 15/02/2025 08:21

"Blocked him and deleted his calls along with all of our photos."

You're both nuts.

That's not a reasonable reaction.

stressedtothemaxdotcom · 15/02/2025 08:45

This escalated massively in 2 hours.
OP please calm down and listen to him.
Of course you shouldn't be grateful for a ring but give him a chance to explain himself at least

howshouldibehave · 15/02/2025 08:59

Goodness, what an overreaction! I think four years of being in a relationship with someone would warrant a conversation rather than deleting their number and blocking them which sounds like the sort of thing a teenager would do!

It sounds like you are both better off apart.

Acc0untant · 15/02/2025 09:02

Lillymg · 14/02/2025 22:29

I don’t think I’m acting like a teenager at all! Did he care when he posted the engagement ring by post? Because he definitely knew what I wanted and I have always put in the effort for him. But I’m acting like a teenager because I refuse the bare minimum effort from a man who thinks sending an engagement ring by post ? Sorry but men know exactly what they’re doing and I’m not wasting no time. I don’t owe him an explanation because he knew what I wanted but refused to do it so yeah! I’m good. I know my worth and if you think I’m acting like a teenager then that’s your opinion. He chose to go that route and I chose the exit

Show quote history

No you're acting like a teenager because you've blocked him after an argument, and are planning to ghost the man you've been in a relationship with for 4 years. If you don't want to be with him after this then just tell him and move on. It's pathetic.

You come across as though you think you're giving "I'm a strong independent woman" vibes but in my opinion you're just coming across as childish. You don't have to accept his crappy proposal, you don't have to stay in the relationship but to block and delete him after 4 years says without telling him it's over says a lot about your maturity levels.

UpUpUpU · 15/02/2025 09:25

Well this is just bat shit crazy.

OP, I completely understand your need to feel wanted and seen but this was not the way to go about it. A frank discussion with him to tell him how you feel? Sure. Tell him you are offended and need space? Absolutely. Blocking, deleting his number, call log and photos of a really immature and a bit weird.

I hope you have woken up and realised how dramatic you have been and are currently apologising for your childish behaviour.

if not, then it sounds like he’s had a lucky escape.

LittleMonks11 · 15/02/2025 09:36

Do you love him OP?

Did you love him before the ring in the post debacle?

BigCandle · 15/02/2025 09:38

I think a point that has been rather hidden here is that the boyfriend is away serving in the army. It’s not just that he can’t be arsed to do it in person. The sensible thing would have been to explain that you’d rather wait for an in-person proposal, not lose your shit and block him.

Generally this doesn’t sound like a goer. I actually think that having such significant “ups and downs” that it’s the first thing you mention probably means he’s not the one for you and vice versa.

IntermittentStream · 15/02/2025 09:41

BigCandle · 15/02/2025 09:38

I think a point that has been rather hidden here is that the boyfriend is away serving in the army. It’s not just that he can’t be arsed to do it in person. The sensible thing would have been to explain that you’d rather wait for an in-person proposal, not lose your shit and block him.

Generally this doesn’t sound like a goer. I actually think that having such significant “ups and downs” that it’s the first thing you mention probably means he’s not the one for you and vice versa.

He’s in the army, yes, but they see one another every weekend, and if she’s WFH, she often goes to spend the week with him and works from there. It’s not that he’s posted overseas, or at an insane distance.

BigCandle · 15/02/2025 09:43

IntermittentStream · 15/02/2025 09:41

He’s in the army, yes, but they see one another every weekend, and if she’s WFH, she often goes to spend the week with him and works from there. It’s not that he’s posted overseas, or at an insane distance.

Show quote history

She said he’s away for 6 weeks.

Shodan · 15/02/2025 09:43

Sending an engagement ring by post is ridiculous. Ghosting someone you've been in a relationship with for four years is childish, especially if you think you love them enough to get married.

Knowing your worth is one thing, but tbh it doesn't sound like either of you are mature enough to be married.

At the very least you should have sent him a final text telling him you were breaking up.

Neither of you have behaved well.

Waitingfordaffs · 15/02/2025 09:46

Treat other people how you want to be treated . It takes very little to say or message that the relationship is over .