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Original poster

Partner bought an engagement ring but wants to send it in the post to me

179 replies

Lillymg · 14/02/2025 20:33

Me and my partner have been together for 4yrs and we’ve had our ups and downs like every other relationships. We spoke about marriage and were on the same page when it comes to taking our relationship to the next stage.

Anyway, he told me today that he got me a ring and that he’ll post it. I honestly thought he was playing some sort of prank on me so I laughed it off, until he said “no babe will you be working from home next week” I’m obviously upset and never thought he’d do something like this and quite frankly I’m not sure what to think about it.

I go out of my way to make an effort for his bdays and Christmas and do things that he likes because I know it will put a smile on his face. So him saying that he’ll post the fucking ring in the post had made me so emotional and I don’t know what to think of it now.

I hung up on him because I’m literally crying and don’t want to talk to him right now because who the fuck sends a ring by post? I thought he’d do a romantic proposal and make it special

Ive been crying for like an hour on and off now and he’s been calling nonstop. I don’t even want to talk to him or hear him out at this point because the damages have been done already.

please tell me I’m not overreacting because I know I’m not and I just don’t know honestly

id like to add that we don’t live together due to living 3hrs away from each other and our work. But we do see each other every weekend and whenever I work from home I usually stay with him for a week or two.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lillymg · 14/02/2025 21:37

Deadbeatex · 14/02/2025 21:18

Was him asking if you were working from home to ensure you would be in and he's actually planning to surprise you? The I'll post it could have been to throw you off the scent? I mean there's 50 different ways i could think of off the top of my head to check if you were home so it's incredibly lame and poor excuse but trying to see it in a positive light..... yeah I'm stretching here I know!

He’s in the army and I know for a fact that he’s going away for 6weeks so there definitely wasn’t no surprise planned!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lillymg · 14/02/2025 21:39

flippinnorrra · 14/02/2025 20:52

Has he proposed and this in the follow up or...was that proposal? Like 'btw I've got you a ring I'll stick it in the post' ...

Nope he never proposed at all! He basically said “I got you an engagement ring will send it in the post so put it on when it comes” Talk about being romantic ehh 🤣

OP posts:
Thatsenoughadulting · 14/02/2025 21:42

Kissedbyfire1 · 14/02/2025 21:25

Sorry OP I laughed out loud at that. Surely he’s not seriously going to just pop the ring in an envelope and drop it into the post box on his way to the co-op (or wherever)? I agree with PP, it MUST be that he’s trying to throw you off the scent and is planning some sort of surprise actual proposal-in-person. Surely!?

If it's a decent ring I wouldn't be risking it getting lost in the post. Seems very odd. Hopefully he's not being serious but even then it's a weird joke to make.

mindutopia · 14/02/2025 21:45

Wait, you have blocked him, deleted his number, deleted all your photos and are changing your number after a 4 year relationship with a man you yesterday wanted to be engaged to over this?! I think that actually sounds more unhinged than him posting the ring.

I had a pretty good idea that Dh might propose on a particular day, but the only thing throwing me off was that he had to rush off the rest of the day to a work conference (it was a Saturday so we planned to do something together in the morning before he left). I was pretty irritated that he couldn’t have found a better time when he didn’t have to then go back to work for the rest of the day. Turns out it was all a ruse, we were going away for 3 days on a surprise trip and he had to make up the work conference to keep me from snooping too much into his plans.

I think you are massively overreacting. But sounds like maybe you both have communication issues.

Glitchymn1 · 14/02/2025 21:48

Is there a possibility he’s winding you up?

Original poster
Lillymg · 14/02/2025 21:48

Thisisntme1 · 14/02/2025 21:35

Blocking him and deleting his number is a bit extreme for a relationship long enough to consider getting married.
Dump him if you want but at least have the decency to speak to him about why

He didn’t give me the decency to “propose” the right way! He knew that I wanted a proposal nothing big just me and him. He knew that I wouldn’t mind how it was done but he chose to ignore it and give me an “effortless” one? No thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Lillymg · 14/02/2025 21:51

mindutopia · 14/02/2025 21:45

Wait, you have blocked him, deleted his number, deleted all your photos and are changing your number after a 4 year relationship with a man you yesterday wanted to be engaged to over this?! I think that actually sounds more unhinged than him posting the ring.

I had a pretty good idea that Dh might propose on a particular day, but the only thing throwing me off was that he had to rush off the rest of the day to a work conference (it was a Saturday so we planned to do something together in the morning before he left). I was pretty irritated that he couldn’t have found a better time when he didn’t have to then go back to work for the rest of the day. Turns out it was all a ruse, we were going away for 3 days on a surprise trip and he had to make up the work conference to keep me from snooping too much into his plans.

I think you are massively overreacting. But sounds like maybe you both have communication issues.

I don’t think I’m overreacting at all to be honest! He knew that I wanted a proposal nothing big, but something romantic just me and him. He chose to ignore it and he thinks I’ll accept the bare minimum? Nope, sorry!!

OP posts:
Runingoncaffeine · 14/02/2025 21:51

Rather than hanging up and crying about it - why don’t you directly call him out on it and just say you can’t be seriously posting an engagement ring / proposing in this way?

What would be wrong with that? I agree with others that there seems to be communication issues on both sides.

Sorry to be blunt…

RisingSunn · 14/02/2025 21:52

OP you are also displaying communication issues.

Silent treatment and deleting and blocking surely isn’t the way to go. It’s very immature.

Talk to him about it and then figure out what you want to do from here.

Itschristmasssss · 14/02/2025 21:52

Did you actually want to marry him OP?

Original poster
Lillymg · 14/02/2025 21:53

Glitchymn1 · 14/02/2025 21:48

Is there a possibility he’s winding you up?

He’s definitely not! He called my friend and asked her if she could have a word with me about it because, according to him “I’m overreacting” and I should be happy I’m getting a ring

🤣!! Yeah no thanks, I don’t need a ring to be happy.

OP posts:
minipie · 14/02/2025 21:55

You owe him an explanation

minipie · 14/02/2025 21:56

Although my first thought was that the ring will never arrive and he will say it must have got lost in the post…

Original poster
Lillymg · 14/02/2025 21:57

Runingoncaffeine · 14/02/2025 21:51

Rather than hanging up and crying about it - why don’t you directly call him out on it and just say you can’t be seriously posting an engagement ring / proposing in this way?

What would be wrong with that? I agree with others that there seems to be communication issues on both sides.

Sorry to be blunt…

I don’t think there’s any communication issues from my side at all to be honest. He knew I didn’t mind having something special between us and I was okay with that and I told him way before. But he ignored it and to be honest that’s not okay. I shouldn’t get a ring in the post and he thinks I’m overreacting? Most definitely not!!

OP posts:
Acc0untant · 14/02/2025 21:58

Lillymg · 14/02/2025 21:51

I don’t think I’m overreacting at all to be honest! He knew that I wanted a proposal nothing big, but something romantic just me and him. He chose to ignore it and he thinks I’ll accept the bare minimum? Nope, sorry!!

Show quote history

So instead of actually having a conversation (even if that conversation is to break up) you're going to act like a teenager instead?

Dweetfidilove · 14/02/2025 21:58

This escalated rather quickly 😂.

He may be an idiot who's actually proposing by mail, but now we'll never know, as you've gone all the way left!
If your friend's also involved, it's quite likely he actually had something else planned. Oh well, 🤷🏾‍♀️.

Original poster
Lillymg · 14/02/2025 21:59

Thatsenoughadulting · 14/02/2025 21:42

If it's a decent ring I wouldn't be risking it getting lost in the post. Seems very odd. Hopefully he's not being serious but even then it's a weird joke to make.

Show quote history

TRUST ME HE WASNT JOKING AT ALL!!

OP posts:
loropianalover · 14/02/2025 22:02

Putting a ring in the post is mortifying on his behalf but I don’t really understand the deleting/blocking unless there are some other very serious issues you have not mentioned.

You were together four years, aren’t you going to have a conversation or even a phone call to end it?

Original poster
Lillymg · 14/02/2025 22:03

Dweetfidilove · 14/02/2025 21:58

This escalated rather quickly 😂.

He may be an idiot who's actually proposing by mail, but now we'll never know, as you've gone all the way left!
If your friend's also involved, it's quite likely he actually had something else planned. Oh well, 🤷🏾‍♀️.

Nope because they would’ve told me! They are as shocked as I was. And he definitely was being dead serious about it all. He knew what I wanted and was fully aware of it. Something simple just me and him. I guess simple to him was “posting in viva mail”

no ma’am 💁🏽‍♀️!! Not having any of it at all!!

OP posts:
mnreader · 14/02/2025 22:03

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

TheRealKatnissEverdeen · 14/02/2025 22:03

I don't have anything useful to add as everyone has already said it particularly about communication on both sides.
I can cut a man off quick o clock as well but this is a tad extreme to me. You skipped right to the end pronto. It's your life of course and I hope you've made the right decision.

TheRealKatnissEverdeen · 14/02/2025 22:04

Dweetfidilove · 14/02/2025 21:58

This escalated rather quickly 😂.

He may be an idiot who's actually proposing by mail, but now we'll never know, as you've gone all the way left!
If your friend's also involved, it's quite likely he actually had something else planned. Oh well, 🤷🏾‍♀️.

Love your username 🇯🇲

Thatsenoughadulting · 14/02/2025 22:05

Fair play to you! There's another post on MN just now and OP is losing her shit, sinking into depression and obsessing over a man she dated for 4 months.

Thatsenoughadulting · 14/02/2025 22:06

TheRealKatnissEverdeen · 14/02/2025 22:03

I don't have anything useful to add as everyone has already said it particularly about communication on both sides.
I can cut a man off quick o clock as well but this is a tad extreme to me. You skipped right to the end pronto. It's your life of course and I hope you've made the right decision.

I think if you can cut someone off so bluntly and without hesitation they clearly weren't the one so I do think she's made the right decision here.

Naunet · 14/02/2025 22:13

minipie · 14/02/2025 21:55

You owe him an explanation

Why?! Why does she need to put more effort into a break up than he was planning to put into a proposal? She's simply returning his lack of effort. You know that saying 'treat others how you wish to be treated', this is what it looks like in action.