Partner bought an engagement ring but wants to send it in the post to me

[Lillymg]

Me and my partner have been together for 4yrs and we’ve had our ups and downs like every other relationships. We spoke about marriage and were on the same page when it comes to taking our relationship to the next stage.

Anyway, he told me today that he got me a ring and that he’ll post it. I honestly thought he was playing some sort of prank on me so I laughed it off, until he said “no babe will you be working from home next week” I’m obviously upset and never thought he’d do something like this and quite frankly I’m not sure what to think about it.

I go out of my way to make an effort for his bdays and Christmas and do things that he likes because I know it will put a smile on his face. So him saying that he’ll post the fucking ring in the post had made me so emotional and I don’t know what to think of it now.

I hung up on him because I’m literally crying and don’t want to talk to him right now because who the fuck sends a ring by post? I thought he’d do a romantic proposal and make it special

Ive been crying for like an hour on and off now and he’s been calling nonstop. I don’t even want to talk to him or hear him out at this point because the damages have been done already.

please tell me I’m not overreacting because I know I’m not and I just don’t know honestly

id like to add that we don’t live together due to living 3hrs away from each other and our work. But we do see each other every weekend and whenever I work from home I usually stay with him for a week or two.

I doubt it's an expensive ring.

Exactly, I know one woman who during Covid when she was struggling like many.
Said to her bf if we don't get engaged I'm finishing with you, he went along and done it.
That was at least 5 years ago, can't see any marriage happening there.

Do you have a link to it? I can't find it.

He’s taken you at your word then, something small and not over the top!

Well done for stepping away if it feels like the right thing to do OP, I’ve stuck it out for way too long in the past when I should have seen they weren’t the right person for me.

Ok. I think it's safe to say you dodged the proverbial bullet. I am thinking you're young enough to make a fresh start and find someone you are more compatible with, who treats you with respect. No one is perfect but it's good to have boundaries and standards.

Why is it disrespectful?

I really don’t understand- we are not into traditional romance, so that may be mine - he’s going away for 6 weeks, possibly excited about the ring he’s found, wants the OP to have it asap, maybe with a romantic note? Or maybe it’s a Haribo ring, and the real one will come back with him?

Who puts an expensive ring in the post because they think that's safer than with them?! 😂

*may be why

This. OP knows this isn’t a joke to put her off the scent - the idiot just thinks it’s fine to post a ring and expects gratitude.

Why on earth would you waste time and energy explaining to a bloke why this is rubbish? Not a chance. The friend should have spelled it out though - I hope she does if he calls her again. I would certainly leave him in no doubt as to what he’s done if I was the friend.

You’re definitely in the wrong for blocking and deleting your partner.

He’s obviously gotten it massively wrong but your reaction is ridiculous. Have it out with him, break up with him, whatever - but we can’t say people are poor communicators and then block them.

He knew he was going away back in September 2024! And your right he should’ve planned it better and organized it

He's going away tomorrow 6 weeks. He lives 3hrs from you. He can't come and see you as there are a lot of things to do the day before deployment.

He's just got the ring. Timing is a little unfortunate but that is not a crime anyone normal would break up over.

So he had two options. Delay for 6 weeks or get the ring to you.

It's clumsy for sure but seeing in your own words you said

he asked me a year ago what my “ideal” proposal would be. And I have told him that I would like something small nothing over the top. He said “noted”
He possibly thought you really were not fussed and would rather fave the ring.

Something small nothing over the top sounds like you didn't want any fuss. Nit that you wanted an organised event.

FOUR YEARS and you are out over this misunderstanding? And so you ghosted him? And you've justified your behaviour by blaming him for poor behaviour? That's like drivers who are so angry someone cut in that they break the law by speeding to get past them and feel justified. Yeah you aren't ready for a relationship OP.

You aren't giving independent woman' vibes. You are giving 'petulant girl who reads stuff about girl power but has missed the point entirely' vibes.

OP has been quite clear in her posts that the final straw was him contracting her friend, stating OP was overreacting, and that she's lucky to be getting a ring!!!

I'd have blocked him at that point too, bastard. I think people are missing that and thinking it's just about the non proposal. Which is shitty enough, but it's the follow up that makes it far worse.

What is there for them to talk about at this point? Instead of trying to make amends he doubled down on his crap behaviour. OP is right to say "I'm out". There's nothing more to be said.

I'm with you OP. I'm glad you have taken action and won't allow yourself to be treated like that.

THANK YOU!! Some of these people haven’t read my replies. I would’ve talked to him once I was calmed down. But when he called my friend and said “Why is she overrating, she’s lucky she’s getting the ring” that was what pissed me off the most.

I would’ve forgiven him and told him how I felt but unfortunately what he said to my friend didn’t sit right with me and clearly it’s a “shut up ring” so yeah I did what I did and don’t have regrets.

Calling me childish and throwing a tantrum is a bit over the top but that’s their opinion and maybe they are okay with the “bare minimum” but I’m most definitely not!!

You clearly didn’t read my replies to those who are assuming I’m acting like a child.

it’s not even about the proposal, what pissed me off was when he called my friend and told her “I’m overreacting and I should be happy I’m getting a ring”

ITS A SHUT UP HERE YOU GO RING 💍!! So no I don’t owe him anything. Just like he didn’t give a shit so I’m doing the same.

Or maybe he was upset and confused because you blanked his calls?

Good

I’m sorry but have you actually read what I posted ? He told my friend I should be “happy im getting a ring”

ARE YOU ALRIGHT LOVE? Because ain’t no way in hell I’d let anyone give me a “shut up ring” I would’ve spoken to him if he didn’t say that to my friend and to me it’s making sense that it’s a “pity ring” which is why he was very comfortable with sending it by post. Maybe some of ladies are okay with taking their men’s “bullshit” but I’m most definitely NOT!! If he’s upset then that’s his problem not mine. He should’ve of thought about his actions and thinks before he speaks.

Wow. That’s been a breakneck reversal - how do you go from an engagement ring to blocked and ghosted in about an hour??

I would have been pretty miffed (or found it very funny, depending on my mood) at the posted engagement ring. I think I’d have told him under no circumstances to post it, because that’s batshit, and we could talk about it when we were next together.

But hanging up, crying all evening then blocking his number when he rang your mate because you weren’t taking his calls?

That’s quite a… I am struggling for the right words… strong reaction. A 4 year relationship with a man you intended to marry thrown in the bin because he failed to propose properly and thought your reaction at a bit over the top.

A bit “throw out the baby with the bath water,” don’t you think?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5270370-dating-a-divorcing-man?page=1

I’m good, thanks for asking 🙂

Did he not say that to your mate after you hung up on him and ignored his “constant” calling?

He sounds dim, but you sound like a nightmare to be in a relationship with.
Relationships are not a trade. I cringe when women talk about their ‘worth’…. No one in life owes you anything. And men are not paying above ‘bare minimum’ to be in a relationship…

Of course it is stupid what he arranged with a ring. But after a 4 year long relationship grown adults should be able to talk about it.
After all - you said something about his ‘issues with communication’….
Are you not holding yourself to any reasonable communications standard???

You sound like a child throwing a massive tantrum… And not ready for a relationship, let along a marriage.

Thanks for your opinion 🤣🤣!!

Good on you OP, I wouldn't want a shut up ring either it's about as romantic as a wet paper bag. You'll find someone much better! Good luck op x

I don’t think either of you are right for each other to be honest.

You’re right about it being a shut up engagement ring, I am also getting that vibe. It sounds like he’s stringing you along, and his attitude regarding the actual proposal stinks.

To be perfectly honest, you need to bin him off completely and start moving on. You are clearly seeking a committed relationship (and that’s actually fine!) 4 years is quite a long time to be together and for there to be no relationship development.

Can I ask how old you both are out of interest? This also matters in relation to women if you want children for instance.