My soon to be ex husband left his ex wife for me! And now he’s leaving me for someone else

[Emilia90]

2016 I met my soon to be ex husband on a night out and at that time I didn’t know he was married. He kept it well hidden for at least 6/7 months, until he came clean and told me everything and how he was unhappy.

I was so much in love with him at that time and forgave him, they got a divorce and we moved on with our lives. Fast forward to 2020 we got married and I found out I couldn’t have children so we decided we would adopt. Everything was going fine and we were happy so I thought, didn’t suspect anything from him because after all I forgave him and did trust him. That was my biggest mistake

2024 May he came home and told me how “unhappy” he was and wanted a divorce. My heart sank to my stomach and I begged him to not leave and will go marriage counseling. He refused and packed his things and left the house, I found out in August 2024 that he “introduced” his new girlfriend to his parents and apparently they said that if he’s happy then we’re happy for him. They never liked me and took him ages to introduce me to his parents even after his first divorce, I didn’t even meet them until a year later. I’m so stupid for thinking I could trust him.

And now she’s pregnant and he’s gone and moved in with her :-( and I want to message her and give her a piece of my mind but I can’t bring myself to do it. I love this man too much and can’t move on from him I worked too hard for our relationship and marriage to work. What do I do ?

Yes! She did contact me, but after they were divorced. She said he’s wanted kids so I hope you can give that to him. Wasn’t a heated exchange at all

At least you now understand the horror of what you put another woman through now, hopefully you’ve learn your lesson not to be the “other woman” again. He showed you his morals before you married him but you married him anyway, that’s on you.
Also a lesson for mistresses that they aren’t as special as they think they are.

She’s not stealing your life, or if you think this way, then your stole wife no 1’s life away from her.

I get it’s hard. You don’t say how far down the adoption path you are, so I don’t know whether thus means the end of your dreams to become a mother. The new gf getting pregnant is a kick in the teeth to this.

Grieve the life/future you though you had, and then move on.

No she isn't.

Look I get it. My h had an affair but I stayed and left year later over something else. He is now with someone new and I'm divorced and happily single.

Time to pull your pants up and get on with it. This is your life now. Don't give him another second.

I could complain the new woman is going to share in a fucking massive inheritance when the ex in-laws die and I'll get nothing after nearly thirty years, but what is the point? I'm richer for not having to be with such a waste of space, disgusting, embarrassing inadequate man.

That was magnanimous of her. Perhaps she realised she could do better than a cheat. It seems you did not think that about yourself, which is a shame. He doesn’t sound very nice.

He’s a serial cheat - if it wasn’t her then he’d pick somebody else. She’s not stealing your life - he is the one who has shit on your future dreams.

Mwahahahahaha.

Ahem.

Sorry, its just that the indignant footstomping of a mistress when she realises that she is just as replaceable as the ex wife will never not be hilarious.

Karma.

You are keeping exactly what you deserve. You are feeling the pain you inflicted on wife 1.

Well now you know what wife number 1 felt like
You will probably be joined by number 3 before too long

You lose them how you find them.

My faith in karma is restored.

I think your completely understandable pain is massively compounded by the pregnancy. I cannot imagine how painful it is for you.

Gently, he should be the focus of your anger. Not her. The injustice you feel will subside.

Maybe the new GF didn't know until 6 months in either 🤷‍♀️

You married a rat knowing full well he was a rat and now you're upset because he has acted like a rat!

I don't have much sympathy for you as you were happy to support and forgive his infidelity to the one before you!

Okay well the equivalent call would be you ringing to congratulate the new woman. Hopefully you've get past this rage you're in and see how you're much better off without him, just as his first wife was. He's no prize to be 'stolen.' He's a lying, cheating, selfish prick, which is exactly what you knew him to be before you married him. You lied to yourself then to make it okay and you're lying to yourself now to blame her and perpetuate the BS love story that you've invested in, but you'd be much better off facing the reality that it's all his fault and he would've cheated and left you sooner or later and he'll no doubt do the same to the new woman, regardless of her having his kid. Cheaters cheat. Oldest story. Sorry you're in pain right now but the signs were all there and you ignored them.

You honestly can't be surprised at him? Surely you knew deep down he'd do this to you one day too? You need to lick your wounds and move on with your life .

What do you do?

You get a lawyer and divorce him.

You go for counselling to help you get over him, work out how you got into such a mess with him and how to avoid it happening again.

And you stop dating at all while you work on yourself.

I would have thought that anyone with an iota of empathy might understand that a big component of the OP’s pain is that she cannot have children and he’s very quickly having a baby with his affair partner.

I could never bring myself to laugh at a woman for feeling that pain, whatever the circumstances.

Looks different from the other side for the fence eh?

You're hurting, I know you are but in the future you will look back at this time with the understanding that this is on him, not her.

Just as when you met him, his lying to you about being married was on him, not you.

Yes, him going off and getting someone else pregnant is shitty behaviour, but there is every chance (and I'd say a significantly high likelihood) that he told her the exact same stories he told you when you met him.

He probably didn't tell her he was married, then when he came clean, he probably told her he and you were really unhappy.

Please (kindly) take the words of many on here in that your ire should be aimed at him, not her.

I feel a bit sorry for her. He's likely fed her a tale of lies, got her pregnant and then when something else happens in a few years time will abandon her with her child.

Giving the benefit of the doubt to this, your complete lack of insight and the irony of your posts is utterly baffling.

@HoppityBun OP didn't know he was married at first, but she did eventually find out they were married and stayed with him and then married him once his divorce went through

Just like you did to his first wife.

He is an untrustworthy cheat. Why would he be any different with you.

welcome to how his first wife felt after you stole him from her!
This other lady is doing nothing different from what you done!

Its him you need to be angry with not the new lady!

There was a line in Mad Men that jumped out as never a truer word spoken. Megan says of Don, “he only likes beginnings”.

your husband sounds similar. Hopping from one to another without even acknowledging when one relationship is floundering. There is no opportunity to repair. He exits. By the time the woman finds out there is a problem he has already disembarked.

this isn’t about her, you know that, you do.

I’m sorry about the extra rub to the wound with the pregnancy.

You need to see he is the one with a massive problem that plays out on repeat.