My soon to be ex husband left his ex wife for me! And now he’s leaving me for someone else

[Emilia90]

2016 I met my soon to be ex husband on a night out and at that time I didn’t know he was married. He kept it well hidden for at least 6/7 months, until he came clean and told me everything and how he was unhappy.

I was so much in love with him at that time and forgave him, they got a divorce and we moved on with our lives. Fast forward to 2020 we got married and I found out I couldn’t have children so we decided we would adopt. Everything was going fine and we were happy so I thought, didn’t suspect anything from him because after all I forgave him and did trust him. That was my biggest mistake

2024 May he came home and told me how “unhappy” he was and wanted a divorce. My heart sank to my stomach and I begged him to not leave and will go marriage counseling. He refused and packed his things and left the house, I found out in August 2024 that he “introduced” his new girlfriend to his parents and apparently they said that if he’s happy then we’re happy for him. They never liked me and took him ages to introduce me to his parents even after his first divorce, I didn’t even meet them until a year later. I’m so stupid for thinking I could trust him.

And now she’s pregnant and he’s gone and moved in with her :-( and I want to message her and give her a piece of my mind but I can’t bring myself to do it. I love this man too much and can’t move on from him I worked too hard for our relationship and marriage to work. What do I do ?

Nothing you can do, it’s all on him not her. You stayed with him knowing this is the kind of person he is, he will probably do the same to her.

No surprise. If he'd cheat with you, he'd cheat on you. Fact.

You’ll struggle to find much sympathy on here.

Why do you want to give her a piece of your mind? She's done nothing to you personally. She might have fallen for his shitty lines as you did.

File for divorce. Take control. You're better off without him and one day you'll believe it but if you don't believe me now then look for the hundreds of threads and thousands of posts from divorced women on here.

I think all you can do is try to put him behind you and move on - he was never going to be trustworthy and faithful, so hopefully eventually you'll be able to view this as a lucky escape, even though you're heartbroken now.

I imagine you'll be really vigilant about lying, manipulative married men going forward, which can only be a good thing.

When you married him, you created a vacancy. Cheaters gonna cheat!

What goes around, comes around 🤷‍♀️

The man who marries his mistress creates a vacancy, as the old saying goes.

Sorry that this has happened to you but it’s surely not surprising. I would focus on moving forward and not blame the OW- for all you know he initially deceived her just as he did you and in any event, this is on him not her.

100% this. Was it really that shocking after how your relationship started? 🤷

You can’t do anything. You certainly shouldn’t contact his new partner. When did they meet? Do you know for sure he left you for her? If so she fell for the same lies you did. She probably loves him too. He’s obviously extremely lovable given his track record.

I’m sorry you’re hurting and I don’t think the creates a vacancy narrative is true or helpful but you really can’t do anything other than try to coparent with him and get the divorce sorted.

Wife no1 must be laughing at this spectacle

Leopard doesn't chance his spots....

Karma

Because I’m angry that he’s leaving me for her! She’s stealing my life away from me.

She is not the guilty party , he is. Direct your anger in the right place, and honestly you chose a liar and a cheater to marry, so not sure what you expected.

Well there's nothing you can do, he's made his decision.
You're not going to get a whole lot of sympathy about doing the same to you that you did to someone else.
You come out of a relationship exactly the same way you went in.
You knew he was a cheater so how could this be a surprise?

She isn’t. But I imagine part of your pain is your infertility being rubbed in your face by her pregnancy, even though I’m sure you’re happy with your family as it is.

She can't 'steal' him if he doesn't want to be stolen. This is on him, not her. he lied to his ex-wife, he lied to you, he's lying to her and will continue to do so. Do you really want a liar and a cheat?

She’s stealing my life away from me

This must surely be a joke?

And wife no 1 probably said exactly the same about you.

He’s an untrustworthy prick & he’ll probably do this again to his new woman at some point.

You need to let it go.

If his ex wife had sent you a piece of your mind, would you have dumped him ? Probably not. It won’t help and will fuel the crazy ex narrative that he’s now pushing.

Im very sorry for you and your child 💐 and wish you both much future happiness.

This is such a well worn phrase, polished smooth with use- Because it’s true.

@Emilia90 This happens a lot.
NEVER trust a cheater.

I feel sorry for you but I think you just need to take this as a lesson and move on. You have been very daft and you can't be that surprised by the outcome.

Because I’m angry that he’s leaving me for her! She’s stealing my life away from me.

Stop being bitter. "Let them" as the saying goes, and focus on moving on with your life without your piece of shit husband.

I love this man too much and can’t move on from him I worked too hard for our relationship and marriage to work. What do I do ?

Get in touch with his first wife and ask her what she did when it happened to her?