My soon to be ex husband left his ex wife for me! And now he’s leaving me for someone else

[Emilia90]

2016 I met my soon to be ex husband on a night out and at that time I didn’t know he was married. He kept it well hidden for at least 6/7 months, until he came clean and told me everything and how he was unhappy.

I was so much in love with him at that time and forgave him, they got a divorce and we moved on with our lives. Fast forward to 2020 we got married and I found out I couldn’t have children so we decided we would adopt. Everything was going fine and we were happy so I thought, didn’t suspect anything from him because after all I forgave him and did trust him. That was my biggest mistake

2024 May he came home and told me how “unhappy” he was and wanted a divorce. My heart sank to my stomach and I begged him to not leave and will go marriage counseling. He refused and packed his things and left the house, I found out in August 2024 that he “introduced” his new girlfriend to his parents and apparently they said that if he’s happy then we’re happy for him. They never liked me and took him ages to introduce me to his parents even after his first divorce, I didn’t even meet them until a year later. I’m so stupid for thinking I could trust him.

And now she’s pregnant and he’s gone and moved in with her :-( and I want to message her and give her a piece of my mind but I can’t bring myself to do it. I love this man too much and can’t move on from him I worked too hard for our relationship and marriage to work. What do I do ?

I’ve never been an OW, I am happily married. I will call out the behaviour on this thread though as it’s disgusting. I hope op is ok in her vulnerable state. People like you who are piling on with the bullying and justifying it should be ashamed of yourselves.

As is so often the case these days on here, the OP lit the touch paper and buggered off.

Yet people are still falling for it.

Yes, I agree hence this in my post: He lied to your face for 7 months! That alone should have sent you running.
Big red flag that you ignored.

It never ends well with married men, as OP has found out.

Reported

For what exactly?!

The OP would have had more sympathy if she had acknowledged that she now knows how the first wife felt

Its not bullying to say to someone that their own choices led them to be where they are, especially when said choices are so obviously bad ones.

I married a cheat, but I didnt do it in the full knowledge that he was a cheat because if i did know, I wouldnt have married him. The OP married him in full possession of all the facts. That is what people are calling her out on. Her reasoning that "by then I was in love", as if that excuses her staying with a lying cheating scumbag, doesnt really cut it when she is calling the next OW a tart for doing exactly what the OP did.

Just because a person doesnt like the truths being said to them it doesnt make it bullying.

I again remind you of the definition of bullying. Repeatedly coming in to shame the op again and again is bullying. She didn’t need all of you to pop in and do it - multiple times. It’s not my issue if people feel uncomfortable for being called out as cyber bullies. That’s what it is.

I am with you @Andwhoisasking
It is bullying in my eyes. It doesn’t offer anything conducive or constructive shaming the OP for their previous actions. They’re understandably hurt and angry. I still maintain that it is the man’s fault here for traumatising the lives of several women.
Her self-esteem is probs already on the floor without people on the internet kicking her down further. I swear you lot get a kick out of it, so gross.

Let it go. Even if it was a good idea to get him back (er, no it isn’t ) trying wouldn’t work.
Yes you’re hurt and angry, it will take a while. You’ve just got to focus on yourself, see a lawyer now to be clear where you stand in terms of the house and your pre-nup. It’s about you now.
Try to ignore the bitchy shit on here blaming you for falling for someone you later found out was married, they know nothing.

Maybe the OP saying she wants to give new OW a piece of her mind is bullying too!

I presume you’re a teacher with that user name? I hope not if your past time is condoning online bullying. You should know better and you should know the definition of bullying. That is repeatedly carrying out the same action/words over and over again by a group or individual to cause distress to another. That’s what is happening here. You should know the difference. Worrying you don’t.

I dont need reminding what bullying is thank you. Having been a victim of it myself I am well aware of it.

Has it not crossed your mind that if enough people are thinking the same thing, its not bullying but simply true? If, for example, I asked 20 people if my new coat looked good and everyone said no, would that be bullying? No.

I say again, stating the truth that a person does not want to hear does not make it bullying. Oh and to add, to those who are saying it cruel to say such things to a woman who is infertile, bollocks. Infertility is not a free pass to be an arsehole FYI.

Oh it hasn’t crossed my mind because the only people defending it are the bullies themselves who think it’s ok. There are others who aren’t involved in shaming op and running her off the boards - who have spotted the behaviour for exactly what it is. Bullying. I’d go as far as to say scorned women who are taking their upset and anger out on op. With no thought to the fact there is a person behind that keyboard and the consequences of their actions. They are justifying it because ‘they’ve been there.’ No, it’s bullying.

@Andwhoisasking your presumption is wrong

That’s good as teaching standards and all that. Hopefully you find me highlighting the difference helpful.

I love this man too much and can’t move on from him I worked too hard for our relationship and marriage to work. What do I do ?

WHY do you love him? What do you love about him? From your own description of him he sounds like a prick! What do you mean you worked too hard?

Unfortunately OP you fell for a dud. You must realise that even if he suddenly decided to leave her and come back to you you'd never trust him again. So it's over. Seek some therapy to help you understand how you got yourself into this situation. Work on your self esteem and move on. He doesn't sound like the type who will make anyone happy.

@Andwhoisasking once again your presumption is wrong

I knew a woman who was the second wife in just the same situation as you. It was bound to happen but she hadn't even considered it. I don't imagine it's an unusual situation for an OW/later wife to find themselves in.

This thread might make MN history - a woman who was knowingly an OW, now calling the OW a tart without any self awareness of her own actions or those of the cheater she married, is in fact a victim of bullying and to be pitied and treated with sympathy.

I have some sympathy for her heartbreak and infertility but it ends at wanting to rip another woman apart and calling her names for doing to her what she did to someone else and having nothing to say about the Prince Charming causing all of this.

It’s not bullying to point out the reality of a situation. There are bigger issues to get holier than thou about on here and painting someone calling another women a tart and looking for support to verbally abuse her - or, bully, if you like - is an odd one to hitch your halo to.

He will do the same to his new gf and will do the same to you again if you take him back xx

Oh well, you reap what you sow.

GIGO

It’s likely at some stage that reality will hit a guy like this and he will struggle with being a dad. He sounds like he pleases himself and having a child means someone else comes first especially in the newborn phase. It’s unlikely to be a cozy set-up and probably will have lots of tension behind closed doors while his needs are secondary. He’ll meet someone else while the woman is holed up at home tending to his baby. You’ll see.

What?

Zombie thread!