My soon to be ex husband left his ex wife for me! And now he’s leaving me for someone else

[Emilia90]

2016 I met my soon to be ex husband on a night out and at that time I didn’t know he was married. He kept it well hidden for at least 6/7 months, until he came clean and told me everything and how he was unhappy.

I was so much in love with him at that time and forgave him, they got a divorce and we moved on with our lives. Fast forward to 2020 we got married and I found out I couldn’t have children so we decided we would adopt. Everything was going fine and we were happy so I thought, didn’t suspect anything from him because after all I forgave him and did trust him. That was my biggest mistake

2024 May he came home and told me how “unhappy” he was and wanted a divorce. My heart sank to my stomach and I begged him to not leave and will go marriage counseling. He refused and packed his things and left the house, I found out in August 2024 that he “introduced” his new girlfriend to his parents and apparently they said that if he’s happy then we’re happy for him. They never liked me and took him ages to introduce me to his parents even after his first divorce, I didn’t even meet them until a year later. I’m so stupid for thinking I could trust him.

And now she’s pregnant and he’s gone and moved in with her :-( and I want to message her and give her a piece of my mind but I can’t bring myself to do it. I love this man too much and can’t move on from him I worked too hard for our relationship and marriage to work. What do I do ?

Exactly!! Always makes me laugh.

Exactly she took another woman's husband and is now upset someone has done it to her!!

For your sanity, let go.
Never EVER want someone who doesn’t want you?
This woman owes you no loyalty but your husband certainly does & he is the villain here.
Being angry at her is swallowing poison & expecting her to die.
Please let go. Be angry first then live your life to its best. There’s so much ahead of you.

This man will probably run a mile once the baby is born and reality kicks in. I feel sorry for all of you women whose lives he has up ended.
Please realise you are well rid of him. He is a bad person and his pregnant girlfriend needs to be very wary.
His parents are most likely dickheads too for raising this piece of shit.

Yes I get that, but really, he's not worth it.

I'm sorry this happened, happened to me too and just as I was getting life back together he got really ill and bc I loved him I cared for him til he died.

It really fs you up, and you have children too. But try to let him go, remember you are worth more and don't let him fk you up any more.

Why are you blaming HER for HIS behaviour? It’s him you should be angry at. Making the new GF the bad guy in this scenario is totally absolving him of responsibility for his shitty behaviour. Imagine if his first wife had rung you and given you “a piece of her mind”. What would you have done? How would you have felt?

You love the man you thought he was, buts proven yet again he isn't that man.

He lied to your face for 7 months! That alone should have sent you running.

Big red flag that you ignored.

It's sad but you will get over him and move on.
There are good men out there. But you need to heal first as otherwise, you'll sabotage any good relationship you get into.

Get angry at him and yourself, cry, scream and then let go.

His future wife/wives will go through the same as you and his Ex-wife.

Be glad you're free of him.

@Treesandsheepeverywhere but she knew what he was and stayed with him. It’s her hypocrisy that people are commenting on. Undoubtedly he is a shit. But OP can’t cover herself in glory when she stayed with a married man.

The commenters saying karma. You are awful.

Yes, they didn’t get together in ideal circumstances- does that mean she deserves this however many years later?!

Also the commenters saying you need to drop it, and move on - so invalidating. Let this woman feel her pain, the whole thing is devastating, and I feel sorry for the new woman tbh. The only ars3 here is that tw’t of a man!

@Runingoncaffeine it's more that she is blaming the other woman, when she was that woman too!

The commenters saying karma. You are awful

But the bottom line is many, many people posting on mumsnet have been on the wrong end of an affair. It's hard to feel sorry for someone who is operating without an ounce of self-awareness as to how her actions impacted on someone else. She would have had a much easier time of it if she had acknowledged how things have come full circle.

Also the commenters saying you need to drop it, and move on - so invalidating. Let this woman feel her pain, the whole thing is devastating

Mumsnet is not particulary supportive of people who have been cheated on, regardless of the circumstances. There is always an undercurrent of 'well, you don't know what goes on behind closed doors, do you?'. It's never said in quite such explicit terms but the sense is 'he wouldn't have cheated without reason to cheat'. 'Move on' is easy to say if it's not you that's having to do it. Moving on is complex and takes time, even though many of us know we are well rid of the bastard. Mumsnet doesn't get that.

There are other ways of ending a marriage other than cheating. But if you're going to cheat, you absolutely need to own it.

And? Does she need twenty million posters all saying the same thing? Kicking the boot in? A clearly fragile woman who is obviously hurting through infertility is shamed again and again. What’s the hope here, she becomes so down she sinks into a pit of despair? Or worse? Harms herself? What exactly is the outcome posters who are shaming her looking for. Will you be happy if she hurts herself? Or sinks into a pit of chronic despair and shame? Come on, you posters need to answer this. Words from behind a screen can still have consequences. Being told again and again she got what she deserved. What are you all hoping to achieve? It’s nothing positive from where I’m sitting.

You’ve all made your point, multiple times. It’s bullying now. LEAVE HER ALONE.

And THAT’S what you’re choosing to focus on here in this situation? Get off your high horse, please. Also, life is NOT black and white. I am sure MANY other people and couples choose to get together under the same circumstances - it’s not “morally” right or ideal, but that shouldn’t be the focus here. Also, it appears when they first met, he was deceitful and she was completely unaware he was in a relationship?

As I have said previously, the man is the wrong’un here. I don’t know anything about the other woman, but it’s highly likely she was completely unaware too by the sounds of things. The man is a serial cheater and deserves the hate.

This whole situation is traumatic for all involved, especially the children imo.

Agreed. Mumsnet really ought to step in and monitor this imo.

You report it as well. Frankly appalling from @MNHQ. Their response was to report the posts. I spent my Friday evening doing their job for them and reporting the absolute worst. Still lots of bullying and shaming going on and they are allowing it on their site. I don’t have the time to do their job for them and neither am I paid for it.

its not bullying to speak the truth and point out the op is being a hypocrite.you cant silence ppl just cos they dont agree with you.

I think you’ll find it is. I hope you feel nice and big behind your keyboard kicking the boot in to someone who is struggling right now. It must make you feel really good about yourself. Just how much shame and humiliation is enough for you?

The definition of bullying is ‘The repetitive, intentional hurting of one person or group by another person or group.’

we'll have to agree to disagree. unless she's new here, she would have known, that being mad at ow when she was one herself wouldnt go down very well. know your audience and all that. im glad mn have kept the thread up.

There is no disagreement about it. It’s bullying - facts. That wouldn’t stand up in a court of law if people were to peruse malicious communications. “Oh sorry, she should know her audience - it’s why we all bullied her.” @MNHQ know there is bullying on this thread as it’s been reported but they allow people to keep calling op a hypocrite, saying she got karma etc. A vulnerable woman. I hope for their sake and every bully on this thread that op is ok because it is plain cyber bullying. No two ways.

@Runingoncaffeine but that’s what the OP is concentrating on, calling the woman a tart, wanting to give her a piece of her mind, saying she had stolen her life. She is concentrating on how awful the other woman is, without any regard of the fact she was a OW herself and knew that she was.

we're not in court though are we? its an internet forum and if the op doesnt like what shes reading, she just needs to take herself off the site.

This is why cyber safety should be taught in schools. What is on here is bullying. Out and out cyber bullying. People also need to understand the malicious communications act. Gone are the days where you can just post what you like in the internet as get away with it. How about, here’s a thought, women stop bullying and abusing another vulnerable women for kicks. One it says an awful lot more about them than it does op. It’s also not ok from a legal perspective or a moral one.

the cyber safety lesson also needs to include turning off the computer if a bunch of strangers dont share the same values, thoughts and ideas. personally, i love that people wont always agree with me, but clearly some dont. if you dont like what you see online, turn off your computer, delete the app etc. you have reported the post, not much more you can do.

I will continue to call out the bullies on the thread. If you don’t like that then turn it off. If MNHQ won’t do it, someone has to.