My soon to be ex husband left his ex wife for me! And now he’s leaving me for someone else

[Emilia90]

2016 I met my soon to be ex husband on a night out and at that time I didn’t know he was married. He kept it well hidden for at least 6/7 months, until he came clean and told me everything and how he was unhappy.

I was so much in love with him at that time and forgave him, they got a divorce and we moved on with our lives. Fast forward to 2020 we got married and I found out I couldn’t have children so we decided we would adopt. Everything was going fine and we were happy so I thought, didn’t suspect anything from him because after all I forgave him and did trust him. That was my biggest mistake

2024 May he came home and told me how “unhappy” he was and wanted a divorce. My heart sank to my stomach and I begged him to not leave and will go marriage counseling. He refused and packed his things and left the house, I found out in August 2024 that he “introduced” his new girlfriend to his parents and apparently they said that if he’s happy then we’re happy for him. They never liked me and took him ages to introduce me to his parents even after his first divorce, I didn’t even meet them until a year later. I’m so stupid for thinking I could trust him.

And now she’s pregnant and he’s gone and moved in with her :-( and I want to message her and give her a piece of my mind but I can’t bring myself to do it. I love this man too much and can’t move on from him I worked too hard for our relationship and marriage to work. What do I do ?

I misread her first post, as others have done, and thought they had adopted children.

In any event, when dealing with family finances, the Family Court is not a court of morals which, it appears, some people on here would like it to be. I think it highly unlikely that she would walk away from the marriage with nothing. As I said before, she should see a solicitor regarding the finances.

I’ve reported this to MNHQ good lord some of you are vile and should be ashamed of yourselves. Troll hunting is against the rules. Posting to stick the boot in with a woman who is clearly suffering with her infertility. It says more about you than her. It’s not your husband she’s shagged. Lay off her. She has every right to ask for support. Yes they didn’t get together in ideal circumstances. However, she didn’t know initially - he’s the cheating scum here. So many bullies on this thread. Maybe, just maybe if you let go of the bitterness you too may find happiness.

The OP needs help and understanding, you should not report the entire thread/OP just because some people are arseholes. Report the individual posts, don't risk the OPs entire thread being removed.

And 3 - 2 - 1....

I’ve reported and asked them to look themselves. Too many bullies on here to report.

Posters should be allowed to say that OP is being hypocritical without fear of banishment.

I agree.

I am sorry that the OP is hurting but that is tempered by the fact that she simply does not see that she contibuted to the same hurt inflicted onto the first wife. Even if she had said "I now see what I was part of when he left his first wife and deeply regret it", it would show some self awareness and garner more sympathy, but all she seems to care about it herself. No care about the wife because she was in love, no care that the OW is doing exactly what she did because she is hurting, no awareness that the names she is calling OW are names that could equally be levelled at her by her own definition.

Except she carried on when she did know. He's scum but how is it surprising to her? He did it to someone before her. And she was with him when he was someone else's husband. Now another woman is with hers. Those are facts she has offered.

Unironically being enraged at his affair partner is a bit much.

This is really sad. He encouraged you to fall in love with him and then when you were hooked revealed that he was married! That must have been devastating. He groomed you to help him cheat on his wife. Then when he realised that you couldn't have children he dropped you. That is a lot of loss, OP. First, you lost your dream of having a child and then as a result of that you lost the man you love. I don't think that you deserve the opprobrium that you are getting on here.

I am afraid that you have to face up to the fact that your STBXDH is in fact a manipulative, controlling, abusive pos. It may not seem this way right now but you are lucky that he has set you free.

I wish some true MN vipers would come on here and give you a kick up the arse because you need deprogramming. But you also need a handhold.

It's going to take time but you are going to be all right.

I agree with this so much. OP needs to value herself so much more; that’s her mistake. She doesn’t deserve all the hate she’s getting; he manipulated her.

This thread is ridiculous! Why are people blaming this woman when the common denominator in all this horrific trauma is this god awful man?! He’s ruined two women’s lives!

OP, you have my deepest sympathies… I’m so sorry for what you are going through. I know you didn’t get together in ideal circumstances but it happens. You didn’t know about his previous wife.

What an absolute disgrace he is!

............the common denominator in all this horrific trauma is this god awful man?! He’s ruined two women’s lives!

Three.

She can't change the man. Only her reaction to him and the other women involved. The man is a dick, no one's disputing that, but OP needs to own her own agency in getting out of this spiral - which is tied up with how she got into it. She's currently blaming the new woman, which only exonerates the idiot guy more. This is the wake-up call she needs surely to move on to better things.

Posters are doing far more than that. Bullies the lot of them. Posting just to stick the boot in. You have no idea about how op’s state of mind could be. Infertility is a huge thing in combinarion with this. Would you all be satisfied if you’d shame her into terrible harm? It does not need posts and posts of the same bullying and comments. This man groomed her and is a serial cheat. By the sounds of it he’s doing it again. There is NO excuse for the way so called women are behaving on this thread.

The gloating and glee from so many posters on this thread is rank.

Taking it at face value, as we have to, this woman didn’t know he was married when they met and is now in agony. She can’t have children and he’s now parading his pregnant girlfriend/OW and is being incredibly cruel.

She may be misdirecting her devastation and anger, but in lieu of her own infertility and the pregnancy announcement, it’s somewhat understandable, no?

Anyway, the schadenfreude is revolting.

Meh, dems the breaks. It amuses me. My 1st husband left us for a friend of ours and married her very quickly (they got "engaged" while we were still married 🙄). The twist is they couldn't have children. I have twins with my 2nd husband so the irony isn't lost on me and l chuckle regularly about it. She pulled the rug out from under someone else and now it's been done to her 🤷‍♀️. Some might say the equilibrium has been restored

Just desserts some might say.

Karma imo

Well you haven’t been through infertility otherwise you wouldn’t have this attitude. I understand that it must have been awful to be cheated on with your friend so feeling angry about that is fine. To gloat over another woman being infertile is quite cruel. Where is your blame for him? Maybe he was the infertile one anyway actually. Women always get blamed; it’s internalised misogyny.

The misogyny… it’s your respective husbands that wronged you. They were the ones who broke vows.

Seriously, OP. Have a word with yourself.

They say the best indicator of future behaviour is past behaviour.
You gambled and lost.

Next time choose better, and always keep one eye open. Have that counselling to help get over him. You may realise it's not that you love him so much, but you're unconsciously processing the fact that you fell prey to the same fuckery his wife did.

I don’t get your logic.

Not sure which of them has the fertility issue, but if it’s him you wouldn’t have had children with him if you’d stayed married. If it was her, she’d be with someone else and not have children with them, but she’s with your husband so, either way, her outcome out be the same.

Glad things worked out for you and he was a bastard to do what he did, but I don’t think you and your twins are on their minds as much as they are on yours.

@CaroIus husband 2 and l never got an answer about who had the issue. We just pushed on with the 4 rounds of IVF and tried to be pragmatic about our infertility issues

Husband 1 and l didn't get much chance to find out who was at fault. It was a long relationship (over 10 years) but a relatively short marriage in the end (18 months)

Not saying we are top of mind. He might not even be aware but l am aware of the juxtaposition! He probably didn't have the stones for IVF plus she was older than me

You need to let this go. Find a therapist.

Do you mean OP or me?

Yeah, OP needs to consider the hypocrisy and double standards she's demonstrating. They are most definitely not reasonable when you consider her predecessor and how that ended up compared to her...

For me it's hardly a fixation, ex husbands face pops up on Facebook at intervals (we aren't friends but have mutual friends) and l snigger when l happen to see it. Natural reaction to someone who wronged you. He taunted me about marrying her and "having children with her". Hmmm maybe not sunshine. Those days are definitely gone!