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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My boyfriend said my vagina scares him ??

312 replies

Meeemeee88 · 12/02/2025 12:05

I feel really upset over this and it’s stupid I know . But basically I’ve had three babies ( including one with said partner ) I’ve suffered from terrible self confidence issues regarding my lady part ( have a slight prolapse and obviously it’s changed a lot since births etc like no matter how much I do pelvic floors it makes no difference) so I feel like it’s horrible and there’s not much I can do about it , HE KNOWS all this . Anyway while I was in hospital last week my partner out of nowhere just said “ my vagina scares him !??” What the hell does that mean ? He wouldn’t elaborate just said it’s MEATY !?? Wtf . I’m now really annoyed to the point I don’t even want him to touch me now . AIBU ???

OP posts:
Nina7648 · 12/02/2025 13:02

A similiar thing happened to me with my ex. He told me that all men want a 'tight one' with no flab and that I needed surgery.

Mrsbloggz · 12/02/2025 13:04

🚹
⤵️
🗑️

WearyAuldWumman · 12/02/2025 13:04

Meeemeee88 · 12/02/2025 12:14

No we don’t live together x

Thank F for that.

DTB

missdeamenor · 12/02/2025 13:04

What an insensitive idiot. I would say 'there's not enough meat on that sausage' and sneer menacingly.

WearyAuldWumman · 12/02/2025 13:06

NameChangedOfc · 12/02/2025 12:54

You had three children: you are a frikin goddess, that's what you are. He is pathetic, a nobody. Pity him.

I do feel that, at a totally unconscious level, he senses his lack of worth, as the "fear of the vagina" is a powerful fear throughout history and let me tell you: nothing good has ever came of men fearing vaginas. I agree with pps: dump him where he belongs.

Take care and treat yourself as you deserve 💐🙏

Edited

Honestly, when I saw the title my first thought was "Vagina dentata?"

He's pathetic.

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 12/02/2025 13:06

What did he think that would accomplish? Seriously, some men are so fucking awful. He wouldn't get near said vagina again, if I were you.

Bastard.

ItGhoul · 12/02/2025 13:08

If a man said that to me about my fanny, he'd never be getting anywhere near it ever again.

Honestly, he sounds like he's got the maturity of a 15-year-old boy. Get rid.

These sorts of comments were getting made long before porn became mainstream, by the way. It's the sort of thing boys used to talk about when I was a teenager in the 1980s.

ItGhoul · 12/02/2025 13:08

Nina7648 · 12/02/2025 13:02

A similiar thing happened to me with my ex. He told me that all men want a 'tight one' with no flab and that I needed surgery.

I hope you told him it would feel tighter if he didn't have such a tiny dick.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 12/02/2025 13:09

Meeemeee88 · 12/02/2025 12:14

No we don’t live together x

Perfect, you can end the relationship without too much entanglement! What a vile person he is. I'd put money on it not 'scaring' him (what a weird thing to say), I think he's deliberately trying to make you feel unsure about yourself.

Meeemeee88 · 12/02/2025 13:10

Cornflakes123 · 12/02/2025 12:45

I would imagine most men use porn despite what people think. Despite this most men would have the maturity and cop on not to make such a horrible hurtful comment to their partner. As someone has said previously he must not have much experience with women’s bodies in real life. I actually don’t know how I could forgive a comment like that. So insulting and shows such a lack of respect and empathy.

I think I feel more insecure as he’s an extremely good looking guy and I know for fact he’s been with ALOT of extremely attractive women so I feel like he compares me . I’m the only person who’s had kids that he’s slept with

OP posts:
Mrsbloggz · 12/02/2025 13:11

Meeemeee88 · 12/02/2025 13:10

I think I feel more insecure as he’s an extremely good looking guy and I know for fact he’s been with ALOT of extremely attractive women so I feel like he compares me . I’m the only person who’s had kids that he’s slept with

When his looks fade and he only has his personality to fall back on he's going to be really really stuffed.

Meeemeee88 · 12/02/2025 13:11

Chuchoter · 12/02/2025 12:46

I imagine that his penis is somewhat lacking and rather address his own embarrassment about his little acorn he would rather you believe that you have a problem with your vagina.

This atrocious and deeply unkind comment cannot be unsaid and I would be dropping him like a hot potato.

Well he actually has a very large penis 😭🫣

OP posts:
treesandsun · 12/02/2025 13:12

This is a him issue. A grown man 'scared' of a vagina - give me strength. The relationship would be over and he would never need to see the scary vagina again. You do not need to discuss it with him - what he meant or why - he is a fuckwit - end of. Get rid - co parent

Reputationtv · 12/02/2025 13:14

Ah so he thinks vaginas should be just like in porn where they look borderline prepubescent and have all had labiaplasty. He needs to grow up

Cece92 · 12/02/2025 13:14

Get rid of him. X

Meeemeee88 · 12/02/2025 13:14

Nina7648 · 12/02/2025 13:02

A similiar thing happened to me with my ex. He told me that all men want a 'tight one' with no flab and that I needed surgery.

Omg what the hell is wrong with them !!!

OP posts:
NameChanges123 · 12/02/2025 13:15

I'm sorry - it's time to dump him. Don't let him reduce your self esteem any further x

GOODforyourhealth · 12/02/2025 13:16

That is absolutely shocking op. I'm sorry you had to have a baby with this tool to realise what an immature idiot he is. No real man would say this to any woman, let alone the mother of his child. I'd leave him tbh. Tell him to stop watching porn, as he obviously doesn't know what real vaginas look like.

2Hot2Handle · 12/02/2025 13:16

Meeemeee88 · 12/02/2025 12:12

I tried to question why he said it and exactly what he means but he starts backtracking etc but the point is I feel like it was totally uncalled for . I would never body shame him . I really feel like he thinks it’s disgusting. Last week he just went off sex for a while I tried to turn him on and he wouldn’t even look at me and walked away . I honestly feel like he thinks I’m disgusting now

I think it would help you to focus less on what he thinks about you and your body and more on what you think about him, considering his recent comments and behaviour towards you.

In other words, is his insensitivity, cruelty and lack of compassion a turn off? Do you find his view of the female body disappointing and as a result find HIM less attractive as a person? If so, I’d let him know all of this. That he’s coming across as a little boy, rather than a mature man capable of love and that right now that immaturity is deeply unsexy to you.

This will hopefully make him stop focusing on what he perceives as wrong with you, and start getting him to focus on what is wrong with him.

Then congratulate yourself on having 3 beautiful kids and still having a healthy body and sex drive, and walk around unbothered until he sorts himself out! 😉

speakout · 12/02/2025 13:17

SecondMrsTanqueray · 12/02/2025 12:43

You’ve had 3 children and your vagina is no longer perfect. I suggest he finds someone without children if that’s what matters to him.

You’re better off without him.

The thing is though the OP does have a "perfect" vagina.
It is an amazing organ that gives birth, and although may have some changes and battle scars it is always "perfect", incredible, beautiful, no matter changes in the anatomy.

And given that the OPs man child of a boyfriend is responsible for some of these changes he is behaving like a petulant toddler.

These cruel words cannot be unsaid however, and no amount of talking things through can change that.
They have landed, and in my position would always pop up in my mind during sex.

This would be a dealbreaker for me- life is too short to be with a man who shows me such disrespect.

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 12/02/2025 13:19

Meeemeee88 · 12/02/2025 13:10

I think I feel more insecure as he’s an extremely good looking guy and I know for fact he’s been with ALOT of extremely attractive women so I feel like he compares me . I’m the only person who’s had kids that he’s slept with

You had his kid!

You need to stop thinking there's anything wrong with you.

caramac04 · 12/02/2025 13:19

Oh OP I’m sorry this has happened. How horribly hurtful. I wouldn’t be able to get past this. All bodies change over time but that shouldn’t matter in a loving relationship.
I see his DF has terminal cancer but I hope that is not used as an excuse to be so horrible to you.
Do you think it’s a way to get you to dump him so that he is the injured party?
Whatever the reason for his awful comment, I would bin him today.

Viviennemary · 12/02/2025 13:19

LoafofSellotape · 12/02/2025 12:11

That would be the end of things, yuck, what an immature and hurtful comment.

Couldn't agree more. How can you be with him after this, He sounds totally horrible.

DemonicCaveMaggot · 12/02/2025 13:21

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 12/02/2025 12:55

Not sticking up for him at all. I am however suggesting that hospitals, stressful environments, added pressure does make people say stupid things.

Well, yes, but I am trying to think of me, seriously ill in hospital, DH stressed out and sitting beside me trying to comfort me and then him coming out with 'I find your vagina scary' and I just can't even.....I suppose if someone had dosed him up with morphine accidentally.

Nina7648 · 12/02/2025 13:21

ItGhoul · 12/02/2025 13:08

I hope you told him it would feel tighter if he didn't have such a tiny dick.

I think he said something about no one wants a fatty pubis :(