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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My boyfriend said my vagina scares him ??

312 replies

Meeemeee88 · 12/02/2025 12:05

I feel really upset over this and it’s stupid I know . But basically I’ve had three babies ( including one with said partner ) I’ve suffered from terrible self confidence issues regarding my lady part ( have a slight prolapse and obviously it’s changed a lot since births etc like no matter how much I do pelvic floors it makes no difference) so I feel like it’s horrible and there’s not much I can do about it , HE KNOWS all this . Anyway while I was in hospital last week my partner out of nowhere just said “ my vagina scares him !??” What the hell does that mean ? He wouldn’t elaborate just said it’s MEATY !?? Wtf . I’m now really annoyed to the point I don’t even want him to touch me now . AIBU ???

OP posts:
McSilkson · 15/02/2025 17:24

It's truly bizarre how so many men idealise a vulvar appearance that is characteristic of pre-pubescence and post-menopause, i.e., the infertile periods of a woman's life. Though I doubt most possess the self-awareness or intelligence to reflect on that. It speaks to a deep-seated psychosexual dysfunction on a societal level, and is the opposite of evolutionary psychology theory: a highly unnatural attraction.

Men sexualise and objectify us relentlessly, and yet harbour this profound hang-up/aversion to our actual sex organs and mature sexuality. They chop us up figuratively - "legs man", "ass man", "boobs man" (where are the "vulva men"?!) - fetishising just about every non-sexual part of our bodies, while avoiding, erasing or attempting to erase our sex organs, in life as in art. Don't even get me started on the infantile breast fetish of most men (at least in the modern West). There's a pretty clear transference of desire from the "threatening" and unfamiliar female genitalia, with its complex and varied parts, to the simple and familiar comfort objects from a man's childhood that are breasts.

Men value the parts that have a past or present use for them, i.e., the breasts and vaginal canal, which are regarded and represented as more or less interchangeable "parts" among women and women-like objects, such as sex dolls, alike. Meanwhile, the sexual parts that distinguish a woman and exist primarily for her pleasure are devalued and denigrated by men and regarded as surplus to their requirements.

I find the whole topic as fascinating as it is disturbing. I was thinking about this when I watched Ghost in the Shell (1995) at the cinema earlier this week. There are multiple, rather gratuitous sequences of the female lead naked. While she has media-standard spherical and gravity-defying breasts, complete with detailed nipples, she has nothing but a blank space between her legs. It's a pervasive and international cultural myth: that women, though sex objects, have no sex - or ought to have no sex. We have "nothing"/"no thing", as the Elizabethans said...

Anyway, that was an essay.

OP, dump the bastard. Yuck!

blueshoes · 15/02/2025 17:59

Mayana1 · 13/02/2025 20:36

They have a baby, so not that easily, I would say.

That said, it is easier to 'ditch' him because they don't live together.

I find the way OP describes him a little off. She does not seem to have fully registered that he is the father of one of her dcs.

I think I feel more insecure as he’s an extremely good looking guy and I know for fact he’s been with ALOT of extremely attractive women so I feel like he compares me . I’m the only person who’s had kids that he’s slept with

Not only is she the only person who's had kids he slept with, he Is The Father of one of her kids. And he does not live with her or their kid.

She does not mention her third child with the father of her other children.

None of this is relevant, I think, but it is still kinda odd.

Meeemeee88 · 15/02/2025 23:29

Aw thanks so much everyone . I have only just caught up . I really don’t know what to think . He apologised and said it was a joking thing to say but I still feel off about it and then tonight really fucked me off ( sorry ) he literally said I’m ANNOYING about how I ask for sex all the Time !!! Like I don’t really but whenever I do he ALWAYS blows me off and is never turned on unless on his terms . It’s been like this for so long . I felt so hurt again . I didn’t even ask for it !!! I was literally miscarrying his baby when he made the comment about my “scary meaty vagina “ so I can’t even have sex for a few weeks anyway . He just makes me feel like a sex pest . I’ve lost so much confidence. I know I’m an attractive women ( I get a lot of male attention - which annoys him ) don’t mean to boast but I’m feeling very withdrawn over his behaviour towards me

OP posts:
steff13 · 15/02/2025 23:41

Oh my gosh, your update makes it so much worse. I'd move on from this relationship.

Branleuse · 15/02/2025 23:49

Hes not the one.

Its not you, its him.

GOODforyourhealth · 15/02/2025 23:54

Meeemeee88 · 15/02/2025 23:29

Aw thanks so much everyone . I have only just caught up . I really don’t know what to think . He apologised and said it was a joking thing to say but I still feel off about it and then tonight really fucked me off ( sorry ) he literally said I’m ANNOYING about how I ask for sex all the Time !!! Like I don’t really but whenever I do he ALWAYS blows me off and is never turned on unless on his terms . It’s been like this for so long . I felt so hurt again . I didn’t even ask for it !!! I was literally miscarrying his baby when he made the comment about my “scary meaty vagina “ so I can’t even have sex for a few weeks anyway . He just makes me feel like a sex pest . I’ve lost so much confidence. I know I’m an attractive women ( I get a lot of male attention - which annoys him ) don’t mean to boast but I’m feeling very withdrawn over his behaviour towards me

Why would you even want sex with him? He sounds repulsive.

Cdu · 16/02/2025 00:28

In light of this update I suggest he's trying to erode your self esteem. He's making you feel so insecure and inadequate about yourself and that will also keep you in your place. Attention from other men will irritate him.

Get shot of him. Better to be on your own and know your own value that have another person belittle you in these underhand ways

Lyraloo · 16/02/2025 00:55

Meeemeee88 · 15/02/2025 23:29

Aw thanks so much everyone . I have only just caught up . I really don’t know what to think . He apologised and said it was a joking thing to say but I still feel off about it and then tonight really fucked me off ( sorry ) he literally said I’m ANNOYING about how I ask for sex all the Time !!! Like I don’t really but whenever I do he ALWAYS blows me off and is never turned on unless on his terms . It’s been like this for so long . I felt so hurt again . I didn’t even ask for it !!! I was literally miscarrying his baby when he made the comment about my “scary meaty vagina “ so I can’t even have sex for a few weeks anyway . He just makes me feel like a sex pest . I’ve lost so much confidence. I know I’m an attractive women ( I get a lot of male attention - which annoys him ) don’t mean to boast but I’m feeling very withdrawn over his behaviour towards me

Omg he sounds like a real prat. You don’t deserve this and he sure as hell doesn’t deserve you! So sorry about the baby, to say something like that to you when you were already going through a terrible time, is unforgivable.
you can do so much better than him. Look after yourself first, he clearly doesn’t want to be with you sexually but doesn’t want anyone else to want you either. Dickhead!!

NovemberMorn · 16/02/2025 14:59

Bloody hell...the update is worse than the original post.

You are attractive, you get lots of male attention = he is eaten up with jealousy and is trying to erode your confidence, and in the worst way possible.

Don't let him. x

Nina7648 · 17/02/2025 15:55

What on earth? This is so much worse, please don't stay with this guy. Plus I'm now completely paranoid about what it's supposed to look like!

annonymousse · 17/02/2025 16:05

He'd be ex boyfriend by now. Why wait and give him more opportunities to erode your confidence

Hairyesterdaygonetoday · 17/02/2025 16:20

No one needs a man like this in her life.

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