My boyfriend said my vagina scares him ??

[Meeemeee88]

I feel really upset over this and it’s stupid I know . But basically I’ve had three babies ( including one with said partner ) I’ve suffered from terrible self confidence issues regarding my lady part ( have a slight prolapse and obviously it’s changed a lot since births etc like no matter how much I do pelvic floors it makes no difference) so I feel like it’s horrible and there’s not much I can do about it , HE KNOWS all this . Anyway while I was in hospital last week my partner out of nowhere just said “ my vagina scares him !??” What the hell does that mean ? He wouldn’t elaborate just said it’s MEATY !?? Wtf . I’m now really annoyed to the point I don’t even want him to touch me now . AIBU ???

Sorry, I'm so confused. Do you have 4 kids? And one with this man? If you don't have any kids with him then I would ditch him.

If you don't have kids with him then I think it's a bit silly people telling you to just dump him. Not quite so straight forward when you have children. What's he like generally? Any other red flags?

Argh, sorry, if you DO have kids it's hard to ditch him.

But isn't that the standard answer on MN, if your partner so much as looks at you the wrong way....dump the bastard.😉

But personally, I don't know how I could navigate around a man who found the most intimate physical part of my body I shared with him, scary.
I don't think I could fancy him anymore, and if sex is important in a relationship, it would be hard to come to terms with this.

He sounds like a complete twat.

omg is this true, is this what's happening to me? I'm late 40s and have noticed changes down below, my labia don't seem as full and as "meaty" as once used to be, also my clitoris has massive reduced in size and lost sensation. It's extremely difficult to reach orgasm and when I do it's rubbish compared to how it used to be. Oh the joys of being an ageing woman😫
I was never self conscious of my meaty labia in my younger days until I first saw porn in my late 20s and thought why wasn't mine as neat and all tucked in like that! it made me incredibly self conscious from then on. men & boys nowadays growing up watching this porn must think that's how all vulvas should look. I really think they need educated during school sex education that porn is unrealistic and those surgically enhanced vulvas are not what most women look like. obviously some women do naturally have very small inner labia which is entirely normal too.

They have a baby, so not that easily, I would say.

Amazing post! 👏🏼

It sounds like he’s got someone else, what is he comparing it to all of a sudden?

Yes it definitely shrinks! Not much left now and I’m 65 ☹️

@theblackradiator yes unfortunately this is where things go for many of us! Blessed are the ones that don’t need a vaginal moisturiser after the age of 50!

I’ve found Yes brand very good for after a bath or shower just to take the dry/tightness feeling away.

Ive noticed some shrinkage but fortunately it’s not gone all the way. I drink a bit of kefir with yogurt every day to try and up my lactobacilli in any way I can. Estrogen makes them grow and losing these lovely bacteria is bad news for a lot of reasons..

For you some vaginal estrogen could be really helpful. I can’t use it as I’m estrogen-allergic down there believe it or not, crazy as I’m probably one in a million but I get histamine release unfortunately like burning sensation etc.

But for most women it’s a game changer. Testosterone can bring your clitoris back to life apparently, mines still operating just about!

Rub some on there, need to go private for testosterone but worth it from what I’ve read. There’s a good Facebook group Vaginal Atrophy or something like that. Lots of hemp in there. Yes being a woman is a fucker. Just as you got childbirth and rearing done, menopause kicks in and you die a weird womanly death as your estrogen disappears. And no one tells you!!!

im coming back as a man next time around.

why are us women not made aware of these changes as we age. I must admit the loss of sensation and difficulty in reaching orgasm like before has really been getting me down and im finding it quite sad that this pleasure in life is now disappearing. I honestly thought the ability to orgasm would be life long. omg how I now wish I'd have made more use of that ability in my younger days and had way more sex! Younger women please enjoy your body and get all the enjoyment you can while you still can!.
I honestly wouldn't know what to say if I went to see my male GP about this situation, I don't think I could go tbh. although if there was help out there to slow this vulva and clitoris shrivel! down it would be great.

@theblackradiator you're well within your right to ask to speak to a female GP. The NHS definitely allows for this.

Also, there are private clinics. You can go online through Superdrug for instance but then you'd be paying for it yourself...

HRT here: https://onlinedoctor.superdrug.com/hormone-replacement-therapy.html

Testosterone here: https://onlinedoctor.superdrug.com/testosterone-for-women.html

Please don't suffer in silence. If I could take it, I'd be front of the queue for HRT. It helps with so much! From what I understand it revives the vagina and the testosterone revives the clitoris. and it's good for your bones, your brain, your heart etc.

Of course there is a very small risk of other elements of disease.. I must be honest. But yes if it were me, I'd take the risk.

For natural stuff, I'd take a very good quality omega 3 fish oil tablet. It's anti-inflammatory and menopause is hugely inflammatory for the body. Estrogen is like an anti-inflammatory for the most part in the body and the loss of this is what causes everything to go haywire.

Other things like the mediterranean diet, lots of whole grains, beans, legumes, salads, fish, low fat dairy, eat the rainbow, you know the drill I'm sure... all of this is anti-inflammatory. vinegar, extra virgin olive oil, spices, herbs.

I've read about the SIRT diet that Pippa and Carol Middleton follow apparently. Staying healthy and old is a full-time job I've discovered.

If I was you I wouldn’t be calling him your boyfriend anymore, he’d be an ex. He’s either not into women or he thinks grown women should look like children down there.

Thank you so much for all your advice Traingame I very much appreciate it.
I think i will ask at my GP surgery if there is an over 40s well womens check up. plus I'm overdue a smear test too so if I book in for that i maybe able to speak to the nurse for some advice at the same time.
omg this is all so sad and can't believe how us women are totally unaware and not informed of these changes to our bodies. All we are told about menopause is periods stop , hot flushes, anxiety and a dry vagina, we are not told that it'll shrivel up and your clitoris will disappear and stop working!

I would want my kid away from their brainless misogynist of a Father.

I feel sorry you had a DC with him. His comment to you was so shocking it made me feel sick, especially as he knows what your body has been through (which is amazing to birth 3 DC) and how you are already self conscious.

You deserve so much better.

Have you recently given birth and he was watching when baby came out?

He needs therapy

@theblackradiator good luck, that all sounds like a great plan 👍

Tell him it’s shame his peen isn’t meaty instead it resembles a button mushroom. Knob

OMG! What an absolutely disgusting thing to say to you, especially as you have a child together. This will probably be imprinted on your mind for a long long time (if not forever) so I really hope you can walk away from this idiot, as being hurt like this is going to affect you both badly (definitely you) going forward. Everything will have a tainted look from now on from your side (& who's to blame you!) Easy to say but not to do I know, but I don't think I could come back from this! For your peace of mind please walk away.

You are young enough to find someone who really does love all of you, perfect or imperfect (as we all are). Good luck 💐

This.

Tell him his tackle looks like a turkey gizzard. Because it probably does.

Just tell him his manhood makes you giggle

Some partners see their partner differently during pregnancy and after childbirth. It doesn't excuse his absolutely juvenile comment. Some people speak before engaging their brain and cause so much pain.

Sit him down and without interrupting give g him an opportunity to explain his comment, how he's feeling, what he's thinking. Make a list of questions of ask him.

When he's explained himself tell him how his words have made you feel -his words, not him. Keep it general and non accusatory at the outset just so that you can keep thinking on your feet without raging at him (although this is well deserved)

When you are in possession of all the information take time to think about what you want to do with that information. Do you want to move forward with him or move on on your own. Can you get past what he has said to you. Will staying together make you constantly wary? Do you want to be with him?

I know others have suggested there might be someone else in the mix and that's where this has come from. Start from a place of fact before heading down this route of worrying g about infidelity. Decide do you need so done like this in your life.

Please take care of you. Speak to a female gp about how you are feeling about your body and explore what if any options are open to you.