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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My boyfriend said my vagina scares him ??

312 replies

Meeemeee88 · 12/02/2025 12:05

I feel really upset over this and it’s stupid I know . But basically I’ve had three babies ( including one with said partner ) I’ve suffered from terrible self confidence issues regarding my lady part ( have a slight prolapse and obviously it’s changed a lot since births etc like no matter how much I do pelvic floors it makes no difference) so I feel like it’s horrible and there’s not much I can do about it , HE KNOWS all this . Anyway while I was in hospital last week my partner out of nowhere just said “ my vagina scares him !??” What the hell does that mean ? He wouldn’t elaborate just said it’s MEATY !?? Wtf . I’m now really annoyed to the point I don’t even want him to touch me now . AIBU ???

OP posts:
THisbackwithavengeance · 12/02/2025 16:03

I assume you've dumped him already.

God these men have it easy. They don't have to support or provide for their own children and they don't even have to show basic courtesy or respect for their babymothers as a bare minimum.

It's pitiful.

ByPearlSnail · 12/02/2025 16:03

dawngreen · 12/02/2025 15:50

He won't be thinking straight, and fella's talk before engaging brains!

Dear Lord the bars of some posters on here for Men are in hell.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 12/02/2025 16:08

PumpkinSpicedLatte · 12/02/2025 15:54

@dawngreen that is NOT an excuse!! People need to stop making excuses up for these animals. Just because his Dad has cancer that doesn’t give him a get out of jail free card. He’s an arsehole.

Was before, is now, will be after.

Penguinmouse · 12/02/2025 16:08

What an absolutely disgusting comment to make to you. You deserve so much better - I would be ending this relationship, there would not be a way back for me.

steff13 · 12/02/2025 16:13

Shmee1988 · 12/02/2025 15:56

Fair enough. I'd like to think that if I'm going to make a baby with someone and call them my partner, I'd be able to talk through it etc before breaking up a family. I guess if a stupid comment about your vagina would be enough to see your kid grow up in a split family that's on you.

But it's not just a "stupid comment about your vagina," is it? He made a negative comment about a body part that he knows 1. she's self-conscious about and 2. she can't do anything about. What sort of a person does that to anyone, let alone to someone they purportedly love? Not a decent one.

Duckswaddle · 12/02/2025 16:19

He’s clearly a massive wanker, just dump him 🤷‍♀️ no ties, easiest solution in the world.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 12/02/2025 16:20

Obviously you need to ditch him.
But first...

During sex, pretend to fall asleep, then wake up and say, Oh, sorry. Where were we? Then proceed to fake orgasm in an obvious way. Tell him, that was great, Love, pat his head, roll over and go to sleep.

Have a few more sessions where you don't finish... tell him you're just not into it.

Finally, tell him, you have to end it. You're not compatible. And, you have to be attracted, sexually, to a partner and you just can't fake it anymore.

And make sure you get child support.

Yingyangwoo · 12/02/2025 16:21

Is he my ex? He said exactly this to me! He was an abusive twat.

Bumcake · 12/02/2025 16:23

I’m quite intrigued by the concept of a frightening fanny.

He sounds like a common or garden bellend, not frightening just disappointing.

ErnestClementine · 12/02/2025 16:28

Shame it didn't frighten him off forever the first time he saw it. Enjoy your life without this weirdo in it.

Poppins21 · 12/02/2025 16:28

oakleaffy · 12/02/2025 13:53

Me too {Vagina dentata myth} silly man.

Wasn’t there a 2000s horror film about that? Teeth I think it was called.

Fawn87 · 12/02/2025 16:29

I actually wouldn't be surprised if deep down his attraction to women isn't genuine. I was with a guy years ago who used to like looking at me topless but would become tense and weird when I took my knickers off and he seemed scared to go near my vagina and reluctant to get sexual. Not to blow my own trumpet but I'm an attractive woman with good hygiene and I have one of those vulvas where it's all tucked away ( nothing wrong with other types, they are all attractive in their own way but there was nothing unusual about my bits).

Poppins21 · 12/02/2025 16:29

Mumtobabyhavoc · 12/02/2025 16:20

Obviously you need to ditch him.
But first...

During sex, pretend to fall asleep, then wake up and say, Oh, sorry. Where were we? Then proceed to fake orgasm in an obvious way. Tell him, that was great, Love, pat his head, roll over and go to sleep.

Have a few more sessions where you don't finish... tell him you're just not into it.

Finally, tell him, you have to end it. You're not compatible. And, you have to be attracted, sexually, to a partner and you just can't fake it anymore.

And make sure you get child support.

I wouldn’t want to have sex with somebody who said that about my vagina. He doesn’t deserve to be in there!

Motnight · 12/02/2025 16:31

Meeemeee88 · 12/02/2025 13:11

Well he actually has a very large penis 😭🫣

He actually IS a very large penis.

Hwi · 12/02/2025 16:32

QuirkyWriter · 12/02/2025 12:09

Yep, that would be a vagina slamming comment and he would no longer have access! That’s really awful to say, particularly if he is aware of your lack of confidence in that area.
Are you able to talk to him about how you feel and will he be likely to be contrite? If he doesn’t massively grovel I’m not sure I would be able to come back from that.

Talk to him? He is a wanker and needs dumped!!!!

Poppins21 · 12/02/2025 16:33

pinkstripeycat · 12/02/2025 14:45

So he sits and stares at your vagina does he? No he doesn’t. He didn’t know what it looked like in detail before and he doesn’t now. No man spends so much time down there to remember all the nooks and crannies.

I’ve been married 25yrs, had 2 children and had a vagina trauma during the first birth. I can see where they stitched me up if I study the area but I only looked once after my stitches were removed and that was almost 20yrs ago. Just asked DH and he just shook his head and said he doesn’t spend much time looking!

Really? I am pretty sure my husband knows exactly what mine looks like. I ensure he spends plenty of time down there so he doesn’t forget what a lucky man he is 😂

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 12/02/2025 16:37

Shmee1988 · 12/02/2025 15:56

Fair enough. I'd like to think that if I'm going to make a baby with someone and call them my partner, I'd be able to talk through it etc before breaking up a family. I guess if a stupid comment about your vagina would be enough to see your kid grow up in a split family that's on you.

A man insulting the most vulnerable part of a woman’s body is not someone who loves her or respects her.

There is no reason to continue a relationship once that has been made clear.

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 12/02/2025 16:38

Poppins21 · 12/02/2025 16:33

Really? I am pretty sure my husband knows exactly what mine looks like. I ensure he spends plenty of time down there so he doesn’t forget what a lucky man he is 😂

Edited

Same!

My partner could draw a map of it if necessary.

He could definitely pick it out of a line up.

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 12/02/2025 16:39

He would go absolutely nuts if he knew I was posting my personal life on here

I would struggle to find redeeming qualities in this man. I hope you decide you deserve more.

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 12/02/2025 16:40

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 12/02/2025 16:37

A man insulting the most vulnerable part of a woman’s body is not someone who loves her or respects her.

There is no reason to continue a relationship once that has been made clear.

A million times this.

GOODforyourhealth · 12/02/2025 16:51

Motnight · 12/02/2025 16:31

He actually IS a very large penis.

Haha, yes a complete bellend! Op, it can't be that large if he can't handle a normal vagina; he sounds pathetic. What a total turn off

Mumtobabyhavoc · 12/02/2025 16:54

Poppins21 · 12/02/2025 16:29

I wouldn’t want to have sex with somebody who said that about my vagina. He doesn’t deserve to be in there!

No, I agree. But, I think a taste of his own medicine is appropriate. 🤔

menopausalmare · 12/02/2025 16:54

Does it bite?

StartingOverIn2025 · 12/02/2025 17:00

Aww bless him. So it doesn't look like the pretty, bald, pre-pubescent-esque versions he sees on the internet?! Poor love. If it's that 'scary' he can keep his nob away from it from now on, can't he.

This comment would have unleashed all 10 levels of my most unholy wrath if it was me, OP.

Mrsknowitall · 12/02/2025 17:01

He is trying to damage your confidence, by saying this to you he thinks that if you was to split up you won’t want any other man to see it either. I just read this to my husband and said exactly what I thought. Ignore the man child