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Original poster

Discarded and blocked by my husband after he ended our relationship just before Christmas

320 replies

Ria23 · 09/02/2025 16:21

My husband finished with me just before Christmas over an argument over his delinquent 13 year old daughter. His ex wife couldn't cope so she wanted us to have her full time .he asked what I thought and I gave my opinion..he didn't like it.Hes got me out of our marital home ..I spend Xmas and new year at my mums. He's pushing for a divorce and he's also blocked me on everything and I've had no contact at all from him .I also think he's a narcissist.any similar stories I'm really struggling 😫

OP posts:
biscuitsandbooks · 09/02/2025 17:22

Youarenotthecentreoftheuniverse · 09/02/2025 17:20

Yes, he's obviously done a stellar job so far

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Sounds like both parents have fucked up. But at least her dad isn't giving up on her - which says a lot.

Bestthriller · 09/02/2025 17:22

@Youarenotthecentreoftheuniverse

so do you prioritise your partner over your children (if you have any) ?

Original poster
Ria23 · 09/02/2025 17:24

I have been there for his daughter like I say I've been in her life since she was 2 ..I taught her all about girl stuff and we were close .it wasn't I said she couldn't come to us full time I was just expressing my concerns..

OP posts:
Bestthriller · 09/02/2025 17:25

Ria23 · 09/02/2025 17:24

I have been there for his daughter like I say I've been in her life since she was 2 ..I taught her all about girl stuff and we were close .it wasn't I said she couldn't come to us full time I was just expressing my concerns..

So his reaction to you very reasonably explaining your misgiving was to kick you out, block you and divorce you

ok

Rosscameasdoody · 09/02/2025 17:25

Bestthriller · 09/02/2025 17:16

Well yes
clearly he wants nothing more to do with the OP if it means not stepping up for his daughter. As would I in his shoes

Show quote history

If he thought anything of OP he’d have worked longer and harder to find a better solution. He clearly doesn’t value her at all if he can end their marriage this easily - she’s better off without him.

Starlight7080 · 09/02/2025 17:25

Sounds like he has put his child first. As he should !!
Move on

Bestthriller · 09/02/2025 17:25

Rosscameasdoody · 09/02/2025 17:25

If he thought anything of OP he’d have worked longer and harder to find a better solution. He clearly doesn’t value her at all if he can end their marriage this easily - she’s better off without him.

Show quote history

so… clearly the marriage wasn’t great and he didn’t think much of the op

and this was the final straw

biscuitsandbooks · 09/02/2025 17:26

Ria23 · 09/02/2025 17:24

I have been there for his daughter like I say I've been in her life since she was 2 ..I taught her all about girl stuff and we were close .it wasn't I said she couldn't come to us full time I was just expressing my concerns..

From his viewpoint though, it will look as though you're being negative and he won't really (in the nicest way) be worried about what you think - his daughter has to be his focus.

Bestthriller · 09/02/2025 17:26

You really don’t want to answer whether you w l have children and if you do whether you prioritise your partner over them (as you say is actually beneficial in your first post) @Youarenotthecentreoftheuniverse

IkeaJesusChrist · 09/02/2025 17:27

Rosscameasdoody · 09/02/2025 17:25

If he thought anything of OP he’d have worked longer and harder to find a better solution. He clearly doesn’t value her at all if he can end their marriage this easily - she’s better off without him.

Show quote history

Would a 'better solution ' involve the daughter not moving in by any chance?

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 09/02/2025 17:27

Starlight7080 · 09/02/2025 17:25

Sounds like he has put his child first. As he should !!
Move on

It's not quite as simple as 'move on', OP has been kicked out of her home. She needs to see a solicitor and make sure she gets everything that she's entitled to.

Saggyknickers · 09/02/2025 17:29

TheMeasure · 09/02/2025 16:41

I think this "the child always comes first" trope is responsible for quite a lot of the ills we are currently seeing in society.
Adults ought to be capable of making loving and caring decisions based in the best interests of their kids but that doesn't necessarily mean putting them ahead of everyone else in the family.
Benevolent dictatorship and all that.

But the mum has said she wants the dd out - what do you think the father should do?

Saggyknickers · 09/02/2025 17:30

Not saying I think throwing the OP out is the answer!

biscuitsandbooks · 09/02/2025 17:30

Rosscameasdoody · 09/02/2025 17:25

If he thought anything of OP he’d have worked longer and harder to find a better solution. He clearly doesn’t value her at all if he can end their marriage this easily - she’s better off without him.

Show quote history

What other solution is there when the 13 year old has nowhere else to go?

EmmaMaria · 09/02/2025 17:31

OP, are you honestly asking us to think that a great marriage with no issues in which you have had a close relationship with his "delinquent daughter" broke down on a sixpence because you reasonably and without rancour suggested that having her live with you full time might be challenging? Either the marriage was on the rocks already, or you said something so beyond the pale that he could not bear to see you for one second longer. Which was it?

ErrolTheDragon · 09/02/2025 17:31

Sounds to me like this 'great guy' is a my way or the high way type. I'm not convince being a shitty husband necessarily means he's being a great dad.

EmmaMaria · 09/02/2025 17:32

ErrolTheDragon · 09/02/2025 17:31

Sounds to me like this 'great guy' is a my way or the high way type. I'm not convince being a shitty husband necessarily means he's being a great dad.

Or the "good wife" is! It would be interesting to hear the other side of the story.

Adamante · 09/02/2025 17:34

If you described my 13 year old as “delinquent” - completely outdated term by the way, I’d block you out of my life too.

And children must come first, practically speaking, because have almost zero power in society, they can’t work, they can’t provide for themselves, therefore as a parent, her father must step up and provide a home for her and care for her. OP has made her feelings clear. Relationship is over.

PickAChew · 09/02/2025 17:35

TheMeasure · 09/02/2025 16:41

I think this "the child always comes first" trope is responsible for quite a lot of the ills we are currently seeing in society.
Adults ought to be capable of making loving and caring decisions based in the best interests of their kids but that doesn't necessarily mean putting them ahead of everyone else in the family.
Benevolent dictatorship and all that.

A parent's first responsibility is still for their child rather than their partner, though. That child has two parents and one of them needs to look after her. It's not working out with her mother so the father needs to do his bit to keep her safe and guide her through whatever is going on with her so that she, hopefully, can become a reasonable adult.

We don't know from the limited information in the OP whether her husband was justified in kicking her out and blocking her but we do know that it would have been a shitty move for him to abdicate his parental responsibility just because OP doesn't like his DD.

Original poster
Ria23 · 09/02/2025 17:38

Everything was fine with us as far as I was aware ...we had just had a big holiday in May and then b4 this row we went away for a weekend with friends and Everything was fine we were planning a holiday in January. And we'd just picked a new kitchen which i was given full choice off .the argument happened just a couple days after that and we both got heated ...but never did I say she couldn't live with us I was giving my opinion and thoughts as that's what he asked .

OP posts:
September1013 · 09/02/2025 17:38

It sounds like you effectively asked him to choose between you or his daughter and he chose his daughter. That’s his perogative.

I get that you had misgivings and I would probably feel the same in your position. However I think he is right to put his daughter first. She is only 13 and what happens to her now has the potential to shape her entire future.

Rosscameasdoody · 09/02/2025 17:38

IkeaJesusChrist · 09/02/2025 17:21

So the mum should be forced to parent the girl?

Show quote history

No. But why has he ended his marriage so easily without discussion and not at least made an effort to find a mutually agreeable solution ? That says a lot about him. The girl is 13 and OP says she’s been in her life since she was 2. That’s 11 years. The fact that he has taken a quick and easy way out says a lot about OP’s misgivings about the child living with them full time - she probably knows that him stepping up means her doing 100% of the work. And his attitude speaks to why the child is having these difficulties. I suspect he’s not the prince people here think he is.

Starsandall · 09/02/2025 17:39

In his situation he had to choose his daughter as her mum was not. As a parent myself if my partner couldn’t accept my children’s issues they couldn’t be my partner. As a stepparent I think you should have considered that one day this could happen. Whether through illness or otherwise.

Flossflower · 09/02/2025 17:40

OP, really this is over and you need to accept it. Just go and see a solicitor.

EmmaMaria · 09/02/2025 17:41

Ah.... "then b4 this row"

What "row" is that, and what did you say? Because you failed to mention a "row" before.