Discarded and blocked by my husband after he ended our relationship just before Christmas

[Ria23]

My husband finished with me just before Christmas over an argument over his delinquent 13 year old daughter. His ex wife couldn't cope so she wanted us to have her full time .he asked what I thought and I gave my opinion..he didn't like it.Hes got me out of our marital home ..I spend Xmas and new year at my mums. He's pushing for a divorce and he's also blocked me on everything and I've had no contact at all from him .I also think he's a narcissist.any similar stories I'm really struggling 😫

His daughter shop lifts from every one of our local shops to which she's been banned..she's tried to break into our local hairdressers with her friends to witch this is on police record .she has caused lots of problems for me and my husband also for her mum and new husband...she lies a lot ..goes off after school for hours without saying anything. Her behaviour has been happening for a long time .police called numerous times..she's naughty in school.my opinion was that we would find it difficult too to have her full time and around our jobs etc..we were having her half and half with her mum anyway..and I also have said that it wouldn't change her behaviour her living with us .

You're better off out of this situation. I'd proceed with divorce.

He’s putting his daughter first. You don’t like it. Fair enough. I wouldn’t want responsibility for someone’s difficult child, either. Which is why I wouldn’t have married a man with kids.

Get legal advice. Is the house in both names? And do have documents, marriage certificate/bank accounts etc?

I get that you're in a horrible situation regarding her behaviour but when all is said and done, he has chosen his daughter over his wife.

I mean, you're his second wife, he's probably had girlfriends and partners too in the past - what I'm trying to say is that wives/girlfriends/fiancees/partners/lovers come and go but kids are forever.

That said, I still don't think he's serious about divorce, I think he's punishing you and trying to make you come back.

When you say he's put you out of the marital home, how exactly did he do that?
Is his daughter living there now?

This doesn't sound too far off my antics as a 13 year old off the rails. I ended up doing a law degree and have a good job now but was a nightmare teen. It was my dad who stood by me and supported me and was my rock which brought me back to earth. Perhaps the only solution was to give the daughter one stable home and good for her dad he stepped up and took control. Sadly that has meant you can not be part of that and tbh why should you if you dont want to.

Do you have a children @Youarenotthecentreoftheuniverse ?

do you prioritise your spouse over children? I’m guessing by your user name….

She isna child in crisis and needs the adults in her life to step uo.

You don't have to do that as it is your step daughter. But he also doesn't have to remain in a relationship with someone who does like his child.

It sounds hard. But henis doing the right thing and stepping up for his daughter.

What have you done for him to block you?

Sounds like it is better for you to separate, he can then have his dd live with him to parent and try to get her on the right track. If you marry a man with kids you have to take them as a package. Sounds like he is putting his parental duties first which is what all parents should do.

Good for dad putting his child first, she sounds troubled and she needs him.

I’m with almost everyone else, your ex sounds like a wonderful parent and a good guy. I wouldn’t stay with someone that didn’t accept the children always come first, and definitely not with someone that calls a 14 year old a delinquent.

In future I would avoid getting into relationships with parents, good parents will always prioritise their children.

So you think the childs’ mother washing her hands of her and forcing the consequences on OP is a good thing ? OP was asked what she thought and then unceremoniously dumped for the answer she gave - no-one comes out of this particularly well.

You sound like you’ve written her off, whereas maybe he thinks he can help her. He’s her dad and it’s SO rare for a man to do this. You hear all the time of men who remarry and forget previous children. So good for him really. I do hope you manage to sort out your share of the house etc.

It does sound when you say he " finished with you" OP like a breakup between a bf and gf rather than a marriage where you have taken vows. It doesnt sound as though it was a very bonded marriage in the first place.
I can totally understand why you don't want his DD to live with you full time. Yes your DH and his ex should be looking for the best solutions to help her but she isn't your responsibility.

Divorce is probably your best option but the manner he has ended the marriage is not an adult way to behave.

And you said it in exactly that measured tone? Somehow I doubt it.

I don't think anyone can blame you if you are saying that you cannor cope with this. But equally, this is his daughter and he canot fail to step up. It's not about putting the child first - it is about taking responsibility., He is doing that and that is the right thing to do. You don't have to, she is not your child - but you also can't expect him to ignore his childs needs.

What option would a decent father have if the child’s mother refused to look after the child and his wife didn’t want the child either?

I can’t see what he’s done wrong here.

It's really hard to advise without making a lot of presumptions. However...

If something unforgivable was said about his daughter during the argument, then I think he's best parenting his daughter alone and you should accept the break up and move on.

Or

If he was trying to manipulate you into taking on the parenting of his daughter and is having a giant sulk to punish you, then you're better off without him and should also accept the break up and move on.

I'm afraid I couldn't think of a scenario where fighting for the relationship would be the sensible thing to do.

Sounds like her father is stepping up.

No it’s not a good thing. But just because the mother has abandoned her doesn’t mean the dad should. And maybe the mother is at her wit’s end and it’s the dad’s turn to try and help.

Then he needs to step up as her father and make her his primary focus and get this sorted.

He has to put her first right now. She's 13. He's running out of time to help turn her life around.

He's doing the right thing. Agree to the divorce and walk away.

His daughter may be better off with a one to one parent. Unfortunately it's shattered the marriage.

Good for him.

Well done to your husband for prioritising his daughter.

This young child needs love, support and stability. Sounds like her actions are a result of her not getting this.

Prioritising the spouse means listening to their concerns and working together to address the issues with the child's behaviour so everyone can live together. Not just allowing the child to continue behaving poorly in the name of 'putting them first'.

Listening to and respecting your spouse does not mean you immediately and without any thought make your child 'homeless' - what a knee jerk thought process you have. But actual parenting does require time
effort so I can see why it's not for everyone.

If the girls own mum doesn’t want her what choice does he have? Guess he could see from your opinion that staying with you wouldn’t work. See a solicitor and get the divorce.