Discarded and blocked by my husband after he ended our relationship just before Christmas

[Ria23]

My husband finished with me just before Christmas over an argument over his delinquent 13 year old daughter. His ex wife couldn't cope so she wanted us to have her full time .he asked what I thought and I gave my opinion..he didn't like it.Hes got me out of our marital home ..I spend Xmas and new year at my mums. He's pushing for a divorce and he's also blocked me on everything and I've had no contact at all from him .I also think he's a narcissist.any similar stories I'm really struggling 😫

Exactly. If he can let his marriage go without any discussion and without taking OP’s opinion into account in a situation which will significantly impact her as 50% of the relationship, and after her parenting his child for over a decade, then she’s better off without him. He’s shown her who he really is - and that’s someone who doesn’t see her as any kind of priority. His behaviour towards OP is shameful - all the more so when you realise it’s in an effort to be seen as dad of the year, when, by the sound of things, he’s contributed significantly towards the situation his DD is now in.

And she’s not the parent. As we see so often on MN, step parents are told they have no authority to discipline ‘ you’re not my mum’. So what was she expected to do ? There are two shitty parents here and OP is caught in the middle. The mother for choosing her partner above her daughter, and the father for expecting OP to just accept the situation with the expectation that she would pick up the role of full time parent with no discussion. He’s not prioritising his daughter. At all. He’s doing what works best for him. He expected OP to go along with it, he’s thrown teddy out of the pram because she had questions and misgivings, and I’ll bet the farm it won’t be long before the enormity of what he’s taken on dawns on him and he’ll be manipulating her into coming back and doing what he wants.

So why doesn’t that apply to the childs’ mother ?

You’ve truly given you all to this thread @Rosscameasdoody . A productive Monday for you!

Which he has expected OP to parent for the last ten years. The notion that admitting to the appalling behaviour her stepdaughter is indulging in somehow devalues her as a human being is ridiculous. She’s thirteen - well past the age of criminal responsibility. If people continue to make excuses for her, she’ll be in even deeper trouble in a few short years. A human being who lies, steals, disrupts school, shoplifts and even tries breaking and entering isn’t exactly an asset to society and trying to excuse it in this way doesn’t help.

Yep. Recovering from cancer treatment so nothing much else to do but argue online !!

Can’t be good for the spirits but each to their own! All the best

You marry someone with a kid then expect to get involved!

Shame you didn't stick by your own daughter.

The mother is clearly neglectful. But that doesn't mean the father should be too. If your DCs other parent refused to feed your DC, would you stop feeding them too?

Are you sure this is a husband worth keeping? I know you've been married for 11 years but - is this the life you want?

Maybe take some time to stand back and think about what YOU want from life.

And - I think it would do your husband good to be just him and his daughter for a bit. It sounds as if he offloaded a lot of the 50:50 parenting onto your shoulders. Maybe HAVING to take responsibility for her will be a wake-up call (but I'd still not get back with him).

No-one on this board would survive being a Victorian, or eighteenth century wife. Family mostly came before individual children, however much loved, because there was no safety net and work had to be taken wherever it was. 😄

No, but I wouldn’t be effectively ending my marriage to accommodate them. I’d be involving social services and whatever other support agency is appropriate, and working with them to get DD the help she clearly needs, but I wouldn’t just blithely accept my ex throwing out our child and expecting me to pick up the pieces.

Not to this extent, with a clearly troubled teen that even her own mother has washed her hands of. There has been no discussion of the practicalities of the situation. OP was just expected to go along with what he proposed and because she voiced an opinion (which she’s more than entitled to do as 50% of the relationship and having had a relationship with the child for over a decade) he effectively ended the marriage. And for that people on here seem to think he’s dad of the year. He’s not. He’s been a part of the problem all along and from what OP says he’s offloaded most of the parenting to her. When he realises the full extent of what he’s taken on he’ll be back, banging on OP’s door begging her to come back. She’d be a fool to do that - he’s shown her very clearly that she has no value to him whatsoever.

You think SS will step in to coparent your DC with you? Your child's welfare is your responsibility 100% of the time. SS would tell you to step up and stop neglecting your child. Being a good parent 50% of the time isn't enough.

So this would apply equally to the mother who has just abdicated all responsibility, thereby creating the problem.

They could tell her to do it but they can't make her do it.

Yes, both parents would be neglecting the DC so both would be deemed neglectful and decisions would be made on that basis eg if other children are in your care, do they also need to be removed, if you working in a role with children, is that safe given that you have neglected your own child. It is a shame that there are tons of shitty parents in this country that do not do their share but SS do not have the resources to step in to give single parents a break. So they would only do so in situations where both parents are poor parents.

Me and my children moved out of our home to move in my husband and his 2 children but his daughter soon started rummaging through mine and my daughters things. Husband was aware nothing got done .that's been the pattern with her throughout no discipline from him.yet me and my children still stayed and did our best .its been hard but I've still stuck by hus daughter ...

bloody hell OP. I wonder how your own children viewed being uprooted from their home to live with a man who’s a pathetic aren’t to his two young children, one of whom rummages through your daughters stuff and generally makes for a very difficult home life. But you made your child stay and stick by it. Lovely

I’d have never moved my teens from their home to move in with a man and his two young children.

but if I had, as soon as it came to light that it was a shit show, if have scooped up my kids and he wouldn’t have seen us for dust

sure as hell wouldn’t have stayed and stuck by his him and his children. MY children are MY priority