Partner wants child for his legacy

[Almost40A]

Name changed for this.

How would you feel if your partner/dh told you he wanted a child to continue his legacy?

What legacy exactly does he have?

Em….none. We’re completely normal working class people…

How would I feel? I'd feel like he was an arrogant, self-absorbed arsehole who had no interest in parenting a child in the true sense, but wanted a trophy lifestyle inclusive of a kid so that he could bask in his own marvelousness and bore on about it to anyone unfortunate enough to be in his vicinity while someone else (presumably you) did the work.

I would think he was an egocentric arsehole

I'd laugh in his face and tell him no fucking way. How self-absorbed and repulsive.

Is this genetic legacy? Or his name? It might not be legacy of money. I wouldn’t refer to it as legacy but it is natural to want to have children.

I would not subject a child to such an unsuitable man.

I would tell him to have one, and when he gives birth he can tell you all about it.

Legacy? Has this outstanding specimen of humanity achieved anything spectacular like finding a cure for cancer or discovering clean free energy? If not he sounds like a self absorbed arsehole with a vastly over inflated sense of self importance. I also bet this legacy would be a boy and not a girl.

Why does anyone want a child - it is biology, we are programmed to reproduce.

This seems like a pretty poor reason to have a child, who will become a unique individual, with their own personality, life and experiences. What sort of legacy is he going to leave?

Ask him what legacy he's on about.

Tell him to build an empire first.

but really it is a typical request of a disney dad. They want the child but not to parent. Wanting a child for a legacy would make me question what he thought his role as a father was.

what does he do at home now? Is it equal housework and cooking, gift buying, plans etc?

I'd think he was a bit of a wanker.

I'd say "didn't know being a wanker counted as a legacy".

It gave me a massive ick to be honest and it’s put me off…

I already have 2 kids (not with him) 10 & 13 and the thought of going back to the start again with someone who wants a child for selfish reasons (imo) just isn’t appealing.

why not the ‘I want us to have a child together’ ?

I’ve heard this from men before, my ex was like this - it’s all about them, it’s like ‘I’ve reproduced, I have sperm that works’.. odd

I get this, and he does has a tendency to speak before he thinks. It just made me feel like a vessel to provide his child to ensure his legacy continues 🫠 and not his life partner

Genetic legacy I would assume. We don’t have money

I'll go against the grain here and say that by 'legacy' I'm thinking he might mean carrying on the family line. Surely that's one of the main reasons people have children. It's perhaps a bit old fashioned to express it and as a man saying it, sounds patriarchal to modern ears. We only seem comfy with women saying it something like that now

I would feel like the narcissist I married wanted a child to carry his name and had no intention of being a parent. Do not get pregnant unless you want to be a single parent while your husband does sweet FA.

It’s a weird thing to say but tbh I wouldn’t overthink it, I couldn’t tell you why I wanted children (in fact I didn’t until I was about 35), I just ultimately did. He wants kids, just like you did presumably, 14 years ago.

Couldn’t agree with this more.

Unfortunately I didn’t recognise that my ex’s desire to have children was more of a desire to pass on his magnificent genes than a desire to be a parent (the tantrum he threw when I suggested hyphenating our surnames or using mine should have tipped me off really).

Does he want to marry you? Or does he just want to impregnate you?

Before you said you had children, I guessed. I’m also assuming you’re already in mid to late thirties, and have no desire to start again.

There’s nothing wrong in wanting a child - a lot if women want a child of their own. Maybe he’s expressed it clumsily though.