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Original poster

Dating a divorcing man

434 replies

Anon645 · 08/02/2025 15:48

Hi,
Just looking for advice /tips. I have been dating a man going through a divorce for the past 4 months. He has expressed romantic feelings for me and we are exclusive. He has kids as do I. He won't call me his girlfriend but tells people we are dating/seeing each other. He has consistently expressed that he needs a slow pace but wants to work towards a proper relationship with me.

He has had two wobbles in the past fortnight about wondering if he is ready for a relationship. He then normally comes around that evening or the next day and says he does like me and have feelings for me , and that he does want to work towards a proper relationship with me but that it will take time. He said he wants to work towards a relationship during this year, but that it will take months most likely.

Last night he had one out of the two aforementioned wobbles that he wasn't sure if he was ready for a relationship and he didn't feel the best version of himself. He said a relationship is the last thing on his mind currently atm but that he does want one with me eventually. This morning he has said he likes me and has feelings for me and that he doesn't want to lose me.

Any advice? I'm trying to be patient and understanding as I know undergoing proceedings is difficult and daunting . Any tips ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Anon645 · 25/02/2025 14:57

CountryTunes · 25/02/2025 14:28

I would tend to agree that is it not great to date a separated man...they have too much baggage and they are not fully healed. The other party is used as a comfort blanket to numb the pain of the divorce

Sadly agree. He is 40 with three kids and lives with his mum but he wants to play the field. And throw away what we had.

OP posts:
northernlight20 · 25/02/2025 15:05

Op, you ‘had’ nothing with this man, it was a mere 4 months fling!

namechangeGOT · 25/02/2025 15:14

Sadly agree. He is 40 with three kids and lives with his mum but he wants to play the field. And throw away what we had.

@Anon645

The sooner you realise that what you had was the sum total of nothing the better.

fraughtcouture · 25/02/2025 15:23

"What you had"......
you weren't even together for 3.5 months given you were involved with someone else at the beginning of November!!

Your previous threads (and this one!) show a pattern of destructive behaviour that would be worrying even if you didn't have children, the fact you do and they are mainly an afterthought in this car crash just shows you need serious help.

What happened to your IVF transfer??

Thatsenoughadulting · 25/02/2025 15:45

Anon645 · 25/02/2025 13:44

I'm going to become a reluctant member of the 'don't date divorced men ' club .

Please get therapy before you go anywhere near a dating app or another man. You have a lot of issues you need to resolve before you can entertain another relationship or you're going end up in the same situation again. You will not die from being single. Focus on you're children, focus on recovering from your past relationships and focus on improving you self esteem.

DearOwl · 25/02/2025 16:12

It's not the minority though is it? The majority know that a lot of posters know this isn't quite right

DearOwl · 25/02/2025 16:13

I'm in the 'feeling sorry for this man' club

ThymeScent · 25/02/2025 16:27

penelopelondon · 13/02/2025 22:08

It's called "dangling the carrot" and it's the oldest male trick in the book: "let me dangle the relationship carrot every now and them as to keep you interested so you give me all the GF benefits while staying on your best behaviour. In the meanwhile I'll keep love bombing and telling how much of a soulmates we are and how perfect for each other (just not perfect enough to call you my GF ).

This guy has masters degree in female psychology.

Show quote history

I don’t think he is necessarily being manipulative/he may be a decent guy who is in the middle of very turbulent time.
However, you have to let him go.
I was in a similar situation- we did eventually get married but it was always blighted because of what he was going through when we met. We eventually divorced.
He was very bitter over our divorce -it was acrimonious and I suspect the woman who supported him through it will be soon supplanted because of association with that traumatic time.
Don’t be the ‘transitional’ woman.
Its is difficult and painful to
let someone go when you want it to work, but there really is no alternative but to cut contact.
Listen to Matthew Hussey’s podcasts and follow his sdvice. .

penelopelondon · 26/02/2025 12:51

ThymeScent · 25/02/2025 16:27

I don’t think he is necessarily being manipulative/he may be a decent guy who is in the middle of very turbulent time.
However, you have to let him go.
I was in a similar situation- we did eventually get married but it was always blighted because of what he was going through when we met. We eventually divorced.
He was very bitter over our divorce -it was acrimonious and I suspect the woman who supported him through it will be soon supplanted because of association with that traumatic time.
Don’t be the ‘transitional’ woman.
Its is difficult and painful to
let someone go when you want it to work, but there really is no alternative but to cut contact.
Listen to Matthew Hussey’s podcasts and follow his sdvice. .

Show quote history

Sounds like your ex treats all women as the "transitioning woman" (that includes you and the present GF) which puts him in the "not a decent man" cathegory.

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