I don’t know because I don’t know the people involved or the situation fully. I understand that you came here for advice but surely you realise that the advice then has to be filtered through your own knowledge and understanding, and your actions are ultimately your own responsibility?
But I will try to answer your question and explain my thinking a bit.
when I made the earlier post you had already said you’d broken up. It seemed you had already pushed for a relationship label and he had said no and pulled away. From that position, my feeling was and is that he needs the pressure off and that continuing to insist on bf/gf label right now would simply increase his panic. Obviously I’m guessing from limited evidence, but that is my take on it.
I was intentionally vague in my post about time scales and intentionally leaving the door open for either of you to re establish some kind of contract when it feels good to do so.
He had been clear that the label is a problem. I don’t know why, it sounds like fear of commitment and protecting himself. It seems that he attaches significant importance to the role of boyfriend and maybe is aware he doesn’t have the emotional capacity to fulfill that role. His closeness to you was sometimes making him panic and pull back, and that triggered something for you that made you also panic.
From what you’ve told us, I’m reasonably sure that continuing to push to be bf/gf would have driven him away and been painful for both of you. There was an option for you to put up with the lack of commitment / label and accept the status quo, but that would involve a serious cost for you. By the time you’d already pushed it and he’d already broken up with you I don’t see a good way to backtrack anyway, at that point yes I think the best chance for a future friendship and maybe relationship is to say okay, you’re not ready, I hear that and I love you enough to give you the space you need. From his replies it sounds as if the message you sent was well received. Ending on good terms rather than an argument is definitely a positive if you’re hoping to reconnect later.
I know it will be very painful to back away now. Be hopeful for a friendship, in time, if that helps you, but please don’t waste your real life dreaming of a big romance. If you live nearby or have friends in common your paths may cross again. If you have hobbies in common it’s likely that eventually there will be some reason for a “saw this and thought of you” type of message. You’ve agreed to back away because you were hurting each other, and you’ve both left it with positive feelings about the other. For now you do need to move on and concentrate on other things, but yes I think this way leaves the door open to start again in the future.
As a final comment, I have been the person coming out of a marriage and into a new relationship while still very messed up. It hurt my new partner much more than I realised at the time. I have also been the person waiting for another to commit, choosing to take uncomfortable risks with my own life while he made up his mind. That hurt me more than he realised. I don’t generally agree with the idea that people have to first sort themselves out alone and then they’re ready for a relationship, I think we sort ourselves out within relationship and with the support and love of others. However, if you have opposing needs and insecurities and fears it can become draining and damaging and even toxic. Then space is a positive.
I hope the two of you will reconnect, and I hope that in the meantime you are able to move your focus elsewhere and be open to other people and opportunities (not only romantic!)